Burned out embers
by peetamad
Summary: Peeta and Katniss have killed Cato. They have won the 74th hunger games with out the rule change that forces them to use the berries. They go on an uneventful victory tour, no uprising is talking place. After spending time back home in District 12 they are now preparing to be mentors in the 75th games but all is not smooth sailing for Peeta/Katniss. Please review as it's my first
1. The Reaping

Katniss POV

The day of the reaping had arrived. The 75th hunger games were upon us. The 3rd quarter quell, as predicted, the quarter quells would get worse and worse as they continued. This condition seemed to be curler and more vindictive than ever before.

Four from each district to be reaped as in the last quell however only two names would be reaped one male one female. Then the unfortunate two would have to choose a family member with in the age range of 12-18 to accompany them into the arena. Thus far this is all we have been told; can there be two victors again? We don't know. So as I get Prim ready for the reaping, I am careful not to dwell on the fact her name is still only entered once after my dooming reassurance last year. Instead we talk about her goat, Lady and how her cheese and milk has improved due to our and her living arrangements has improved since moving to the victors' village.

I leave Prim and my mother early to go meet Haymitch and Peeta before we have to greet Effie. This is it, my life for the foreseeable future, annually standing by with my male counterparts watching children ripped from loving arms, to help mould them into killers so the best possible outcome for them is to be a victor.

What a joke! A victor, if ever a word was misused it was now. I don't feel victorious. I feel more of a prisoner now than ever before. Sure before I was caged into District 12, half-starved and used as the Capitol see fit but I had more free will than now. Now I am restricted to this life every year on the Capitol train with this year's unfortunate hopefuls. Even my non-existent love life was out of my control. As Haymitch, so colourfully informed me "we are never getting off this train." Also apparently the only thing that will keep Peeta and I from being sold to the highest bidder, thus been the fate of former good-looking victors when arriving in the capitol, was our romance together.

No one would dare to intrude on true love. The capitol was as in love with our relationship not necessarily us. So my life would be linked to Peeta, true love or faux love. Except maybe we weren't on the same page to the faux bit. I also had to drop everything each time the capitol called me to an event, like a show pony, I would smile, wave and make loving eyes at Peeta all night long. The advantage of these trips however was undisturbed sleep. As we discovered on our victory tour Peeta and I suffered nightmares, however when we slept together we actually slept rather than waking screaming. Seams a simple solution right? Not to my mother, who would rather I wake up screaming than let Peeta stay in my room.

At least my mother's ruling stopped me having to explain Peeta's presence to Gale. Not that I'm romantically involved with Gale either but again I'm not sure he sees it that way. Only yesterday we were at our hunting spot and for the first time since the event itself Gale brought up our kiss. He had shocked me with it before the victory tour, before I had to play "in love" for the screens with Peeta. Now before I was to depart once more he wanted to talk about it. "Next week I'm working full time in the mines" he started innocently enough. "My Mother says its time I'm assigned my own house."

"Yeah" I comment only half listening not sure where he was going with this.

"Working long days, evenings too. It will be hard to keep a house by myself. My Mother says its time I think about getting married." As he finished I see an expectant look in his eyes and I realise he means me, he wants to marry me. I have avoided having the "tied to Peeta for life" talk with him but that is because I never thought he was going to propose! I suddenly realised it was my turn to talk.

"Yeah, lots of girls would be lucky to have you" oh god it would be easier if I just shot him. I mean my bow is right beside me. Anything would be better than this pained look on his face.

"You'd be lucky too Catnip? Right?" not the nickname; I'm a sucker for the nickname.

"Yes, but I can't be the lucky one?" I feel sick, I can't even look up. I can just picture the look on his face.

"But I thought you knew my plan? Hadn't I made myself clear? When I kissed you, you kissed me too." I feel guilty immediately. I had kissed him, he needed me too. In truth I had never kissed anyone because I wanted to. Sure, I wanted to get a silver parachute, I wanted not to be sold for my body and yes I wanted Gale to feel better then and now. I leaned over to him placed my body closely to his, I only intended to hug him but when our eyes met I had to close mine to stop myself from seeing the hurt in his.

So I was going to give him a tiny peck, between friends. It started that way. Then his arms where surrounding my body pulling me yet even closer. I found my hands on his face, in his hair. Slowly his tongue parted my lips and entered my mouth. Even in my limited experience I knew this was passionate. His hands made patterns on my back and I felt a thrust at my hips. Was that me or him? I couldn't tell but if felt good more than good. Eventually we broke apart, a mutual need for air. With our foreheads still leaning together and us both breathing heavy I could still feel the electric running through my body.

"I can't, not now, maybe once we would have married but now it's impossible." I stood and left. Leaving him stunned still sitting there in silence.

Now I was sitting with the other two men in my life at the train station. Effie was on time as always and was quite impressed Peeta and I had Haymitch, if not exactly sober, close enough. A nice change for her from former years of having to first find him and then sober him up. So I am sure she really was genuine in her happiness on this most awful of days.

The stage had been set up the same way as long as I can remember. It was eerie how identical it all was. I took a deep breath and remembered my name was not in the bowl. Prim's was and as a result I could be back in the games. The men and I sat at the back on very uncomfortable chairs. Effie took to centre stage with the usual "blah blah blah, odds forever in your favour, blah blah blah." Now the names, girls first. My stomach turns; I can taste the bile in my mouth.

"Rebecca Reid"

Effie's voice penetrates my panic. I can breathe, Prim is safe. I am not going into the arena. Then reality hits me as a frail dark haired girl, 14 years old max approaches the stage. Is she always this pale or was it the shock, her expression was frozen in fear.

Effie took her hand and raised it as if she won a prize not a death sentence. I stand to volunteer for her better my life that was already in a shambles than her still uninfected ruined. That's when both men one conveniently sitting either side of me pulls me back down. I wiggle and fight them when Peeta's voice stops my anger before it takes over me completely. "Are you willing to choose Prim to go with you into the arena?" he was right, the family member. Poor Rebecca was going to have to choose a family member to enter the arena too. Turns out Rebecca has a twin. As Effie was trying to pry a name from the stunned girl a similarly malnourished dark haired boy left the crowd and ascended the stage. He hugged poor Rebecca as he sealed his fate in the games.

"Reese" is all he said in answer to Effie numerous questions. This is awful how can I even help these doomed children. When again Effie reminded us it's not over. "and now the boys" I hold tight to Peeta's hand knowing he still has a brother in the bowl and he too could be re-entered into the arena. "Mika Pasters" Effie questions the male crowd. A dark boy both tall and broad removes himself from the crowd. I find myself thinking at least he would have a chance not like the sickly thin twins. He stands head held high and confident and in some way reminding me of the careers from District 1 and 2. Before he even says the name of his sentenced family member an equally impressive figure parts the masses and proceeds to the platform.

"Jiles Pasters" a husky more man like than boys' voice should be echoes from Mika. Still holding tight to Peeta I look from right to left at what I have come to think of as the men in my family. A matching sombre looks dawns all three of our faces. These are the children we have to help die.


	2. train ride

Chapter 2

We, as in the mentors went to the train station while the tributes say their farewells to what's left of their family and friends. How much worse must it be to have two children leave for the games? I try to put any feeling of sympathy out of my mind, that won't help them now. What they need now is someone with confidence and words of support. What they need now is Peeta. I'm always in awe at how he can put a positive spin on a dire situation. So I can teach them some survival skills along with some hunting, Peeta can keep them calm and Haymitch can… Haymitch can… Haymitch can bargain for them. He did a good job of it for us.

Back on the train, sad as it seems It's starting to feel like our train. Peeta ignores his room and puts his bag in mine. What's the point in pretending when everyone knows he sneaks in during the night anyway? As much as it scares me to admit it even to myself I've been looking forward to him being in my bed again. I could really do with a full night sleep that only Peeta's presence provides. Saying that it had been nearly two weeks since we last spoke. It's hard to find reasons to go see him.

Technically he lives next door but as his family didn't move to his new home with him choosing to remain close to the bakery, he spent most of his time in town and often stayed with his family when he had an early or late shift.

My dislike for his mother kept me away from the bakery and Gale had kept me busy in the woods too. I would watch for lights on in his house late at night but then it seemed rude to intrude on his sanctuary so late at night. He hadn't come looking for me either but I feel my own mother's disapproval might have had something to do with that. She wasn't a fan of our on screen love story even less so when I told her it was all a ruse. I am happy to see this distance hasn't changed our sleeping arrangements.

Although some guilt has tainted it since Gale's offer the day before. I still hadn't said goodbye to him, maybe I'll send a letter.

I make my way to the dinning cart. As I enter I can smell whisky or is it brandy in the air alerting me that Haymitch has settled in already. I sit down silently still feeling the weight of what needs to be done today.

Four tributes are going to come onto this train and look to me for guidance. Haymitch sensing my frail state of mind pours me a two finger measure. "I find it helps," before adding a sarcastic "sunshine." His nickname for my moody exterior my only answer for this was a scowl before I threw the cold liquid back in one go. As I tried to suppress a gag as it burned its way down my throat Peeta entered the cart with an ever upbeat tone "shouldn't be long till they get here."

"They should delay it if they were smart, in a hurry to die are they?" Haymitch was quick to reply.

"Get some new material Haymitch," I sniped

Peeta took the seat to the left of me making a semi-circle with Haymitch. "can you too make an effort for just an hour so we can help these people"

"Look kiddo, I like you and I'm happy to spend my days on the circuit with you, I can even accept that she is part of the deal too" he winks at me signalling he's only playing with Peeta "but that's as big as my heart gets, you help them and if I can, I'll help you. Chain of command, and all that." With one last smirk at us he leaves only to re-enter to retrieve a bottle containing some brown liquid. I can't help but smile and admit to myself I admire the man.

"Should have known, please tell me you have a game plan?" I'm in shock at Peeta's question.

"Me? Plan?" as I remember my earlier notion I add. "Yes actually I do."

"You do?" he looks totally taken back that I can't help but smile at him. He smiles back and for a moment I forget my plan. I slightly blush but still can't seem to turn away from his eyes. Most of the time Peeta feels like a brother to me but times like this, that is not how a brother should look at you.

"Kat, your plan?" Peeta interrupts my daydream.

"yes, my plan. My plan is I'll train them survival and maybe some shooting or trap hunting." Finishing I'm confused by the disappointed took on his face.

"Kat?" he takes a deep breath "I know you can teach them all that. I mean for now, a plan for now. What do we say to them now?" he looks slightly deflated.

"Oh, my plan was for you to do the talking. Let's face it Haymitch and I are not people, people." I smile trying to get the mood back to as it was moments before. Just as I feel the warmth return to his eyes the door opens and the four grubby District 12 tributes walk in. Peeta goes to them and his natural charisma kicks in. He actually gets them laughing a little.

After a time Effie arrives to take them to their cabins. As we look at each other and let out a sigh Effie pops her head back in "you two stay right here, I need to talk to you."

"Why does that make me feel like we are in trouble?" I question Peeta

"I have no idea. Were we late or missed an event?" he answers my question with more of his own.

After half an hour or so Effie returns. "So my little love birds, we have a problem. Don't we?"

Effie continues when she registers the blank stares of confusion on both our faces. "The sleeping arrangement, darlings."

"What's wrong with them?" Thank heavens, Peeta spoke, I had no idea what to say.

"You two have to stop bed hopping, you are now supposed to be an example for the tributes." I'm so embarrassed, I'm sure my face is bright red. Again I'm happy when Peeta speaks up first.

"I'm sorry Effie, we don't want to upset anyone but we will not sleep separate and as far as being an example that is exactly what we are doing. The kids up the hall may have only weeks left to live, I say do whatever makes you happy." With that he stands up reaches a hand for me, which I accept immediately out of fear of being left with an upset Effie. And we leave the cart.

We spent the rest of the evening hiding out in my room, well our room now, I suppose. I lay on Peeta's lap as he sketched in a pad over me. Conversation flowed well. It always did with Peeta even when it was silent it was comfortable. I was cocooned in our little bubble of peace, slightly asleep slightly awake. The rhythmic movements of Peeta's pencil is like my private lullaby. I must have fallen asleep at one point as not nearly enough time past and they were ringing the dinner bell. I opened my eyes to see Peeta looking upon me with an expression that must have mirrored mine, contentment.

I had no desire to ever leave this room but when a loud knock disturbed us further we gave in and motioned towards the dinning cart once more. With a quick glance back at the bed my eyes landed on Peeta's pad for a moment I didn't realise it was me, the me that Peeta had drawn was more beautiful than any prep team could make me. Was this what he seen when he looks at me?

The tributes were talked through the rundown of the next couple of days. Meet and greets, parades, interviews and training. All four wore a glazed over expression and I really doubted they took any of Effie's rattling in. It was up to us the help them, I still had no idea how.

Haymitch was missing from dinner as expected but he did say he would help Peeta and me. I just had to trust he would when we need him too. For now Peeta kept them in good spirits while I tried not to sound too pessimistic. As the time to retire arrived Effie gave Peeta a longing look to do the right thing. Peeta just lowered his head and ignored her plea for propriety. I avoided looking in her direction as I walked out of the room toward what hopefully should be my best night sleep in weeks.

As I was washing up I felt a jolt of something in the pit of my stomach, excitement? I just couldn't wait for my peaceful slumber. When I entered the room I was met with a topless Peeta. Peeta evidently hadn't spent his whole time at the bakery. Without being overly bulky he was firm.

I realized a second too late that I had let my eyes linger too long on his chest when they eventually reached his face he looked very smug with himself and just to remove that grin I almost ran to Effie for a new room, almost. Peeta climbed into bed first and I obliged in following him under the covers. I was still embarrassed enough to face away from him but not fazed buy my actions he slipped one arm under my pillow and the other around my waist, I could feel him breathing on my hair and I was asleep in seconds.

My peaceful night of sleep was not to be; even Peeta would not keep the fresh new nightmare away. I was stuck, unable to move. I was restrained at the mouth of the cornucopia with the arena stretched out before me. One by one the District 12 tributes come before me.

Rebecca was first pleading for me to help as the tracker jacker wasp swarm attacked her till her body was replaced by a swollen, mutilated melting mess. Next was Jiles, more stubborn, that like poor Rebecca he didn't plea for me to help yet his eyes seem to communicate to me an emotion of blame. He blamed me. It was quick at least. Cato took his head off with one swoop from behind. Within seconds Mika came at Cato from behind but only received a dagger from Cato in the gut for his troubles. Reese walked in front of me slowly, closer than the others had been. For what felt like forever he just looked at me Then slowly his face changed. Warping into a beast but somehow still Reese. His eyes never left me. Then finally he spoke, it was half human and half a growl "you were meant to help us." Then he leaped at me.

I woke to the sounds of Peeta soothing me, holding me tight and kissing my hair. My shirt was saturated in sweat. Peeta got me some cool water but nothing would calm my heart beat. This was not a nightmare of what had happened this was a prediction of what would happen. They would all die and I was supposed to help them. And after all was done and dusted next year would just bring me more to betray and let down.


	3. Chapter 3

We arrive at the training centre building to a fan fair even bigger and more impressive than last year. I didn't know it could be bigger than last year but I didn't have to wait long for the explanation as to why. "The capital has gone all out this year ,it being a quell; everything is bigger, better and newer. Wait until we get to the pent house you won't recognise it." Effie sang out with delight as we entered the elevator to take us to the twelfth floor, "the pent house" as she liked to put it. I was giving my _own_ room at one end while Peeta was instructed to the other end. I allowed myself five minutes to fume over what was obviously Effie's idea of deviousness then set out to track down Rebecca. She was going to the prep team today and I promised myself I would not allow the girl to go in as naïve as I did. On some levels the humiliation of being poked and prodded while naked by complete strangers was just as horrifying and traumatic as the games themselves had been to me. I was sure Rebecca had just as much experience as I once had in the ways of capital beauty regimes.

I found her room easy enough and knocked lightly. No answer. Turn between giving up and wanting to do my mentor duties for the only female in my care I knocked louder. I was resolved to give up, if she didn't want my help then fine but then the door opened a slither and grey seam eyes looked through the crack. "Rebecca, I was hoping we could have a talk. A what to expect while here kind of a chat." God, why did I sound so patronising. At no answer I try again. "I know what it's like, I've been here before, please let me help."

"Come in." is the only reply I got and as I learned over the next excruciation ten minutes, that was chatty for Rebecca. I ran over the prep teams eccentric personalities and the treatments they would perform on her with the aim of these being hair removal and scrubbing. An occasional nod was my only answer. When I had said all I needed to I tried to pry some conversation out of her to no avail. I wish Peeta could have done this talk too. I say my goodbyes and leave, letting out a big sigh of tension as the door closed.

"I am not good as a mentor." I state as I burst into Peetas room. As I look about to see he is not in sight I hear a call from the bathroom.

"Be out in just a second, then we can discuss your many failures." He sounds so relaxed and at peace I can't help poking my tongue in the direction of the bathroom door out of frustration at our contrasting moods. "Stupid and perfect Peeta." I mumble under my breath. Why was this all so easy for him? He returns to his room in a thick expensive robe. Sitting on the edge of the bed he looked like he was ready for one of the bizarre promotional posters they made us do last year. "Why are you so at ease?" The question slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"Have you forgotten how good the showers are at the capital?" he smiles and continues not needing my answer. "So tell me Katniss, why are you not a good mentor?"

"I tried to talk to Rebecca today, about the preparations she would have later before the opening parade. Give her a chance to prepare for in mentally. It was a horrible process for me and I wanted to soften it for her and she didn't care. Not one bit. Didn't even say thank you." I trailed off blushing a little as I thought of that robe.

"Katniss, you did a good thing but you have to remember what it is like for a tribute. The shock, the anger and every other emotion in between." He let me ponder this before adding. "Our job is not to make this easy for them. We can't. It's not easy. Our job is to be in their corner when it counts. When they are freezing to death, we can send them a blanket. When they are wounded, we can send them aid. When they die. We will grieve them." I let him coax me onto his lap and into his arms as I absorb this new information. This has to be hard. That's what my Peeta is saying. It's meant to be hard. When I finally breathe I'm assaulted by Peetas fresh aroma and I snuggle closer to him. I'm left feeling that I was right all along. I'm too selfish to be a mentor. At least they have Peeta.

Our sanctuary is disturbed by Effie's voice cascading down the hallway. "Don't tell me to be calm, Haymitch. I gave them separate rooms for a reason. They are too young and not married. My reputation as a chaperon is at stack here. Do you know what I've been through to get this job? Now I have checked every room on this floor, if she is where I expect I will… I will… cut her clothing budget. We will see how she likes that. Hmm."

"Knowing the little sweetheart, as I do I think that is what should be done alright." Haymitch's sarcasm being lost on Effie as we here agreements sounds coming from her.

Peeta motions me to hide in the bathroom. When I refuse he gives me a pleading look. "Why should I hide? I can go where I like and with who I like." I complain as I'm being over powered into the bathroom. When the door shuts I feel a thrill as the rebellious streak comes over me. I hurry out of my clothes and into the shower but only long enough to dampen my braid and as there is only one robe per room I wrap one of the medium towels around me modestly. I could have chosen one of the impractically big towels that the capital provides but that would not suit me purpose well enough. I take one last look in the mirror and freeze. What am I doing? This is not a joke it's cruel on both Peeta and Effie. Effie will probably faint or scream or both and Peeta, well it's cruel because I know this is what he wants. A real romance.

As I'm about to retrieve my clothes it's too late. The door flies open and except the towel I'm naked. Effie's reaction is all I had imagined and worse. She is silent at first witch give me a chance to see my two men. Haymitch is as predictable as ever and just sniggers at us finding the whole thing as ridicules as it is, but Peeta has a frown and such a look of disappointment that it makes me want to cry. When Effie finally starts screaming I'm relieved I can escape in the chaos and head straight to the other end of the floor to my room. Once inside I lock the door and cry. What the hell is wrong with me? I truly am selfish.

I have no idea how long I was hiding for before my door handle squeaked. Realising it was locked my unknown visitor finally knocks. When I don't answer I hear Peeta call my name. "Katniss?" trying to deceiver if he is still angry or not from just one word is impossible so I decide to answer. Following Rebecca's lead I open just a crack and peer at him. He is dressed in a suit and I have to say he is breathtakingly handsome in it.

"Don't tell me you're not ready yet, even with the head start you made at my room." He said with a smile. He's not angry anymore. Maybe I'm not forgiven but at least he is not angry with me. I let the door open fully to reveal my incriminating towel still wrapped around me. I'm sure my skin will be blotchy from crying; overall I think it's safe to say I'm not ready yet. I turn and walk deeper into my room and gesture for Peeta to take a seat.

"I'll go prep." I say sarcastically hoping to lighten the mood further and retreat to the bathroom. When my makeup is okay and my hair is freshly woven into a smooth braid I open the door to find the Avox has arrived to dress me also Peeta still relaxing on my bed. His eyes dart to me and he breaks out in a smile.

"You know Katniss at some point the towel has to go." I can't help laughing with him at my own expence.

"My dress is in hear, what else would you have me wear to retrieve it?" Am I flirting? Peeta is as shocked as I am at my attempt to flirt as he has no response. When I slip into the tightfitting red dress sent to me with the label "opening ceremony" on it I'm surprised at the lady looking back at me in the mirror. Usually my capital wardrobe consists off overly sweet girly dresses. At this moment I'm not sure which is worse. It's no secret I despised the innocent girlie style but right now I'm dressed as the seductive siren Effie will be picturing me as. When I leave the sanctuary of the dressing room Peeta noticeably sits up a little talking in the new "girl on fire."

All the victors were seated at one stand near the podium President Snow will be addressing the tributes from. I never was interested in the capital citizens but now looking out at the bazar crowd it made me wonder slightly about how they perceived the games. How did they justify the killing of children for their entertainment? I can see teenagers in the crowd, can't they see it's wrong to take people of their own age away from their home and make them fight to the death. My thoughts are interrupted by the arrival of Haymitch and Effie. "Nice to see you found your clothes, sweetheart." Haymitch slurred at me obviously already on his merry way. It was then I realised my earlier show would take a while to stop being funny to him. Still it was better than the sheer bitter cold I was getting from Effie. I would have to make it up to her somehow. Peeta squeezed my hand as if sensing my discomfort and I returned his gesture with my first true smile of the night. Whatever the complications I was truly happy to have him in my life.

As the seats filled around us with previous victors, some I knew some I didn't, Haymitch introduced us in various ways depending on the closeness of the relationship to the victor I presumed. Some we were simply "Katniss and Peeta" others we were "The Lucky Couple" and then there was "my good friend Peeta and his ball and chain." Again this last one was only to the male gender that tented to slap both Peeta and Haymitch on the back a lot. So these where to be our what? Friends? Companions? Competition? What are the next few weeks to hold for us? What will our life be like? My melancholy daydream is put to the back of my mind as the opening ceremony begins. Loud drums accompany the tributes to the centre of the stadium. Each districts offering of four teenagers. All wearing a costume to represent the district they hail from. It's easy to see most of the design teams took inspiration from Cinna's girl on fire creation from the previous year although some did better than others at illuminating the tributes convincingly. While the glow in the dark fish nets of District 4 where hideous the fireflies of District 11 where not too bad. Then District 12 and yes they were on fire. Not as Peeta and I had been but all four somehow making one flame. Asif they were united in the flame. Rebecca's flame made of a deep blue blended almost perfectly to the burning red of Reese. Who's in turn flowed into the fiery orange of Mika, finishing it off with a bright yellow was jiles. Together they made a complete burning flame. At that moment I was proud of my district, even though I knew Cinna was the one to be credited for this.

After the events of the night we had an over excited bunch of boys at our dinner table. Loud comments about the new foods they had never suspected existed along with long winded explanations of why District 12 had the best costumes and while they were on the subject the best overall at everything. Rebecca was quiet but smiled at her brother and brothers in arms enthusiasm. Effie was still fuming over my distasteful stunt earlier and only talked to the boys when needed to. She talked to me none what so ever. I didn't blame her but I wish I could make it up to her. My chance to do so came soon enough but whether or not I was selfless enough to take it I wasn't sure. Peeta had stood up and said his goodnights to everyone. Then he turned to take my hand. I put my hand in his then froze, looking in the direction of Effie. She had gone pale under her makeup and was mentally pleading to me not to go with him. My mind quickly decided to remove my hand and stay at the table. Looking Peeta in the eye I tried to somehow convey to him that I would find a way to come to him tonight but I had to make a start at fixing things with Effie. "Goodnight Peeta, I'll see you at breakfast." He looked shocked after all it was me who depended on him for sleep. Why was I resisting? This isn't good enough I've hurt him too. He needed more reassurance that I will come to him later. Standing up beside him I placed a light kiss on his lips. I blush knowing the hoots from the boys are a guarantee. But seeing Peeta smile back at me was all I needed and as I set back down the colour returned to the normaly bizarre complexion of Effie. She even managed a little smile at me.

I tried to wait till I was last to go to bed so I wouldn't have to worry about bumping into anyone on my way to Peeta. Haymitch was being impossible, didn't he sleep and as I walked defeated towards my room he called to me. "That's the wrong way sweetheart." I turned on my heals and glared at him. "Let us not be coy, I know you are plaining to sneak to him. I also know nothing unbecoming a lady not yet wed is going happen. How do I know? Cause I may be a drunk but I'm not a fool. Also with all my wisdom I've decided to give you some advice."

I grunt my reply "Haymitch please, I'm too tired for your wisdom. It has been a long day."

"You need to hear this particular wisdom." He gestures to the empty chair I had just vacated.

"I know I messed up today, it was a bad joke gone horribly wrong. I had decided to back out of it already but I was too late." I plea my defence.

"Although I agree with you it was poor judgment on your behalf, I quite enjoyed that particular joke." He ends with a snigger.

"Then what wisdom have you for me?" I sigh getting agitated with the drunk quickly.

"Stop fighting it." He smiles smugly at me as if he just discovered gravity. That's it, that's all he has for me. I stand and storm off in the direction of Peeta.

I silently enter Peetas room. He is standing with his back to me painting. When he hears the door click he turns and smiles his blue eyes blazing. It is at this point I realise I'm still wearing the tight red dress and all my clothes are at the other end of the apartment. There is now way I'll be able to sleep in this tight bodice. "Peeta I have to go back to my room." There is no other way I can see to get me out of this dress.

"Why?" confusion and disappointment flood his eyes.

"I've nothing to wear." He laughs at the truthfulness of my statement and disappears into his dressing room. He returns with a dark grey cotton t-shirt.

"Now you don't have to leave." Only his eyes add the "ever" part but I hear it clearly anyway. I find myself still stuck to the spot right inside the door. "What now Katniss?" he questions but with humour in his voice.

Chewing my lip I debate whether or not I should just say it when once again my mouth speaks without permission "I need help to undress."

"Oh, well I can certainly help you undress." He says with a note to his voice bordering on cocky. I make my way into the dressing room not turning when he follows me in. I lift my braid to give him easy access to the buttons on the back of the dress. He works in silence starting at the top slowly revealing my bare skin from my neck to the bottom of my spine. I can feel the heat radiating from his hands when they accidently rube my naked flesh and in this moment of desire I want them to touch me more. His hands make the journey once more from my neck down my back as I feel his breath lightly on my neck as he speaks only in a husky whisper "I'm done." Wakening me from my trance.

Being the gentleman he is Peeta leaves the dressing room allowing me to finish changing for bed. It takes me longer than it should to step out of the dress and into the oversized t-shirt. I use the time to get my breathing back to a normal rate. What was that? When I'm feeling somewhat back to normal I go to Peeta. He opens the covers up for me with his carefree smile. Did he not feel the heat that just accord in the tiny dressing room or did it not affect him as it did me? Or is he trying not to show it to me so I don't run away instead of climbing into his bed and his arms for the night as I am doing now. We say our goodnights and turn off the lights. My mind lingers on my body's reaction in the dressing room. I come to the conclusion I must still be feeling guilty for today's stupid joke. Satisfied with the conclusion I reached, I lay my head on his chest and I finally get my night of peaceful Peeta sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

After great effort to wake early and even more effort to leave Peeta behind I had returned to my own room to find it must not be as early as I originally thought. My Avox has arrived already to assist me with my dressing. I'm pretty sure I catch her eyes widen as she takes in the grey t-shirt. I wonder if she waited for me last night to remove the boa constrictor of a dress. I excuse myself to shower. While in the bathroom my mind goes back to the Avox. Even though she has lost her ability to speak will she tell on me? Am I to be met by an angry Effie at breakfast?

I must make an effort to go see Cinna today. I know he is extra busy with having to dress a larger amount of tributes as well as myself and whoever else wants a Cinna original but I really need to discuss the outfits he's sending me. Today we spend some time with the tributes and then are expected at the Victors viewing room. This is a special screening room for us to watch the games. It is where sponsors and capital big wigs will come to rub shoulder with the infamous victors of years gone past. The cool silver halter neck jumpsuit Cinna had sent for today was backless. I felt sick as I thought of the overfed capital VIPs eyeing me up in this. I had no choice but to put in on as it was all that was present in the dressing room. I had no say in my outfits they just got delivered as needed. Just one more thing the capital controlled.

We take the tributes to the training rooms first. I urge them to focus on survival as much as artillery. Peeta suggests going down the route of allies. They look at us as if it was us who had led them to the slaughter. I try to hide my hurt at their cold reaction to my advice as Peeta had told me to do. Was I like this to Haymitch? I suppose I wasn't always grateful to him.

We arrive at the victors viewing room right on time, thanks to Effie runny the show we were never late for anything. I gaze about the room. This is Haymitch heaven. It has a large bar, an even bigger buffet and large white, soft looking armchairs scattered around, some sat two, some only one and some even looked more like beds than chairs. Large screens covered the entire back wall. Of course this is where I will watch the children die but for now it held the image of a breathtakingly beautiful waterfall.

We have just entered and heads turn to look at the newbies. Some look bored and some slightly more curious but not very. This was good to see. If they didn't care about bout us I could spend my time her with Peeta and Haymitch, just us three. Effie was denied entry to this exclusive room. My sweet idea was soon shattered as a large man I recognised as one of the back slappers from the opening ceremony came forward. He didn't stop at Haymitch as I expected him to but without warning he approached me and laid a wet brandy tasting kiss straight on my mouth. "You remember Chaff, Katniss." I can feel the colour drain from my face as both my men snigger. I expected as much from Haymitch but I had held Peeta in a higher regard. "Okay Chaff, let's go see what we can do about this over stocked bar. Leave these lovebirds be." I don't know if I should be thankful to him for removing Chaff from my presence or appalled that he was now leaving us alone to fall victim the rest of of the victors

I turn to Peeta who is still failing to hide his smirk. "If you leave my side I will gut you."

"Relax Katniss, they are only teasing us." He takes my hand in this and gives it a reassuring squeeze. Not knowing where else to go we follow Haymitch to the bar.

"What will it be sweetheart? Wait I know what you need" before I can protest at it being before dinner a familiar looking brown drink is in my hand.

"Katniss doesn't drink." Peeta innocently informs Haymitch.

"The hell she doesn't. If I'm not careful she'd have mine too." I blush only realising Peeta was ever absent to my partaking in Haymitch's habit, mainly because it was to help me sleep while he couldn't. I sip the drink like I imagine a lady should. "Ha, you keep pretending that's how you do it love." I change my mind its Haymitch that I'll gut. Peeta looks a little taken back and for some reason this eggs me on more. So he thinks he knows me so well does he. I knock back the drink in one go without as much as a winch. "That's my girl. Told ya Chaff my new victors have potential."

Peeta orders us lighter refreshments and we stand close but not too close to Haymitch. "So…. you drink now?" he looks worried and I realise he is scared I'll go down the road Haymitch has to cope with the aftermath of the games.

"It's not like that." I take his hand again. "I only go to Haymitch because" I take a deep breath suddenly this feels very uncomfortable to discuss with him. "Because, I can't go to you." Before I can stop it my rebellious mouth adds "it doesn't work as well as you do. The dreams still come only when I'm drunk I'm too disconnected from my body to scream out." Peeta looks at me with a softer expression but worry still in his blue eyes. It's one of those times I can't look away I need him to see the apology in mine because I am sorry. I'm sorry for causing him to worry about me.

"I'll just have to fix it so you can always come to me." His voice has that heavy husky note to it again.

We are interrupted by a victor I actually remember. Finnick Odair. Even though it's over a decade since he won the games he is only 24 and a capital favourite due to his good looks and charisma. "Hello fresh meat, don't you look good enough to eat?" With a mocking tone to his voice he appears to be friendly. "How does it feel to be victorious?"

"It's hard to put into words." I try to sound sweet but only manage sounding less irritated than I am.

"I'm Peeta and this is Katniss, I'm sure you already know that but let's pretend we haven't all seen each other at our worse." Finnick likes this and agrees my shaking our hands. I can tell these two men will like each other.

The next little while is spent by Finnick doing what I considered to be Haymitch's job. Letting us know how things played out with sponsors and more importantly that not all victors are on the same team. There was still very much a career pack in this room. Grateful for this orientation of sorts I find myself relaxing and being less on my guard around him. Peeta picking up on my ease of mind excused himself to attend the restrooms. I let him go not feeling the need for protection right now but had soon wished I hadn't. Finnick's whole tone changed as he moved to sit where Peeta had just vacated on the chair made for two next to me. I stiffened as he leaned close to whisper in my ear. "After being in the games I can't help it. When I see something I like I take, even if it's not mine to take. Do you see anything you like?" His sea green eyes flicker with amusement at my discomfort.

"I…I…" I stammer in shock at his advances and look away for some sort of escape from this situation. When I see Peeta approach us my heart skips a beat and my confidence returns "I'm not easy to please it takes something special for me to desire it." I look up at Peeta and radiate every bit of love into my face as I can. He seems pleased at this and suddenly I feel guilty as it was all for the benefit of Finnick.

The men continue with gusto as the bonds of the new friendship seem to form. I have to admit I'm getting bored. As I look around the room it's a strange sensation recognising so many of the faces in a room full of strangers. All at once the atmosphere changes, not seeing the catalyst for this right away I wonder if it's time to leave. How wrong I was. Walking into my view is President Snow. He seems to be coming in our direction and some hunter instinct in me causes me to stand in defence. Peeta looks up at me in complete confusion. When he turns his head to see what I am looking at his reaction is identical. "Welcome back everybody, especially our latest victors. Katniss and Peeta, our stair crossed lovers not so crossed any more." His tone is formal but I feel he is mocking us. But that's ridiculous why would he mock us. "Please make them feel most welcome." President Snow finishes as I catch a sick look on Haymitch's face. He was mocking us.

After Snow left the room cleared out and Haymitch re-joins our group. "Time to go kidos, I've lost my appetite for company tonight." Obeying we leave at once with a simple and on my part cold goodbye with Finnick.

Once safe up on the twelfth floor Haymitch silently signals for us to follow him to the roof top. When all three of us had gathered he started. "We have a problem; it's not life or death but its soul crushing all the same. Word is Snow got some very big offers for you both from impressive capital citizens." Hi words linger and I feel bile rise in my mouth.

"But you said they wouldn't dare if we were still a couple?" Peeta said the words that were in my head.

"Snow is not so certain you are still a couple." Haymitch looks like every brain cell was working over time to fix this.

"We will just have to convince him then." My answer seemed too simple even to me

"How?" Peeta looked at me and it was only when I see his face soften from anger to concern I realise I'm shaking. He wraps me up in his arms and puts kisses on my hair. "I will die before I let another man touch you." His statement may end up too be true, no one is safe in the capital ever.


	5. Chapter 5

It was the day of the interviews. The morning was spent practising acceptable answers with our tributes. Trying to stress the point that the better they do in the interview the easier it would be to get sponsors later on. That they had to come across as likeable. As last year's winners Peeta and I are required to do a follow up with Caesar Flickerman about how lovely it was to be back at the games again and how winning the games has opened up our future to possibilities never before seen by a couple from District 12.

However today my personality seemed to be turned off all together. After a night of screaming nightmares only interrupted by long hours of weeping, I was irritable. Peeta took the time between sending the tributes to the prep team and us having to get ready, to prepare me for my own interview, stressing the importance of coming across as a happy couple totally devoted to each other. "Do you think I'm a fool?" I snap at him.

"Do you think Snow is a fool? Do you think we are the first victors to try to trick him? They are watching us all the time, waiting for us to mess up." He is quick with his answer blue eyes all a blaze.

"The thing is I'm closer to you than anyone else already. I don't know how to be closer." He smiles a little at my answer.

"You know that's why the other victors are teasing you?" The only only answer is my blank look. What does he mean? He gives in and explains. "You're so innocent, pure even. They joke if my leg wound in the games was any higher up you would have let me die, when you removed my pants you didn't even take a peek." I bite my bottom lip he was right, most of my experience was with him and that was staged anyway. Does it even count?

"I don't know what you want me to do?" my voice sounded small even to me.

"I think I have a plan but you have to go along with it, when the time comes you'll know." My mind boggles if I'm as innocent as he says how will I know? "Oh and Katniss… don't trust the other victors we are all owned by Snow."

"Trust them with what?" I'm really having a slow mind day.

He smiles down at me "never mind."

When I stepped into my room a sile broke out on my face to see Cinna instead of my usual Avox. "There she is my girl on fire" have I really been in the capital days now without seeing him.

"I feel more like the burned out embers than the fire today." He sniggered at my response.

"Well I am here to give you some fuel." I'm just realizing how much I missed him when he adds "How do you like your red hot lady clothes?"

"Actually they are a bit too red hot for me. Tell me I get to wear cotton at some stage." I smile to soften the blow but my worry was not justified when I look at Cinna he is containing a smile.

"Orders from above Kat, the girl on fire was to be as sexy as hell itself." Every time Cinna spoke it could be a song lyric.

"So what's it to be tonight?" after his last statement I nearly don't want to know.

"You will approve." He was right. It was a straight black dress no cleavage but it did cling just right to show off that I was woman now not a child. It was elegant not showy in all the right ways. "Peeta will love you in this." I look at him strangely that last part was not like Cinna.

"Peeta already loves me and I love him." Cinna gives me a knowing smile and I can see the hint of an apology in his eyes. Peeta was right President Snow does own everyone.

Back stage at Caesar's show I find Peeta talking to another mentor. She is older than us but very beautiful. Tall, lean and in a very revealing dress. She leans into Peeta laughing at some joke he has told. I watch for a moment as he hasn't seen me come in. Whatever she has saying to him must involve her chest as he looks at it constantly. My blood is boiling and I reach braking point when I see her nibble his ear when she was finished whispering to him. His eyes widen and he swallows hard, as he sees me approach he tries to rescue the situation be for it gets out of hand. "Katniss, this is Joanna District 7. Joanna was just …." He breaks off at my appearance of rage and Joanna takes her leave without a word. "Katniss? Are you Jealous?"

"No, I am not jealous. I just can't believe you give me the talk about showing how we are devoted to each other and as soon as I'm not looking you're letting some random mentor ….. chew your ear off. Don't they get food on the seventh floor?"

Instead of looking sorry for his actions Peeta looks elated by mine. He is right; I have no idea about men.

We are seated on a gold loveseat tilted to face the audience while still facing Caesar. Peeta holds my hand on his lap and answers the questions so well I barely have to say much. He tells them the charity work we are doing with cave-in orphans in 12, his painting and my fashion work projects. I think he learned more about the fashion world than I did pretending I had a talent at it. The topic changed to the future now. Peeta simply held up the hand that was still holding mine "This is all I need for my future." I beamed at his the best I could I was still fuming about Joanna. "In fact if I may disturb your show for just a moment?"

"Peeta my boy, you know I could never say no to you." I feel Caesar genially likes him a lot.

"Let's hope that's the theme tonight." I hope I am supposed to be looking confused right now because I have no idea what he's doing. He stands up and kneels in front of me all the time still holding me hand. "Katniss, you are everything to me, I don't have a future without you." No, no, no what is he doing? I never wanted to get married I made sure everyone in my life knew it too. Now I am facing my second proposal in a week but this time I have to say yes. I can't say no. "I guess what I'm saying is; will you marry me?"

I have tears in my eyes at any moment they may capsize over. I hoped they looked like tears of joy to everyone else as I croaked out a simple "yes" Gales face flashes in my mind's eye. This will be it for him, he will have to move on and forget me know. Peeta picks me up swings me around and places an excited kiss on me, I kiss him back trying to remember to smile like a foolish lovesick girl. When we finally sit back down Caesar continued to throw questions at us. "Katniss you look surprised? Had you not suspected Peetas Proposal?"

"I.. I…. No I had no idea." Is all I can manage. I look Peeta and not knowing what I should say a lean over a kiss him again.

"Well if all else fails, say it with a kiss. I love you two. Peeta why now? Why tonight? What's the rush?" Caesar picks on his more willing victim.

"Why not now? Why Wait? I have the girl I love and I intend to keep her." Peeta is so good at this. _The_ rest of the interview was uneventful and my silence was taken as my reaction to the surprise. Which it was, only not in the way they suspected. I was saving my voice for shouting at Peeta later.

I held on to the security of my silence till Effie was busy sending the tributes to bed. "Peeta my love can I talk to you privately." I must not have pulled of the sweet tone I was going for as both Haymitch and Peeta looked terrified.

"Actually, I have to just finish something up. Why don't you go to bed and I'll see you soon, _Love."_ He didn't sound confident in his statement.

"I think we should talk now, I feel a little sick and it might be better if I sleep alone tonight." I was most likely punishing myself more than him but I deserved to be punished. Again my mind goes to Gale. What have I done to my best friend?

"Well then, I guess we can talk in the morning" it's at this point Haymitch throws his hands in the air and exits the foyer. Peeta watches him leave then turns back to me. "Or you can let me have it now."

"Why?" I've been shouting at him in my head all night and now all I have is why?

"You know why. To keep you safe." His hands are held out to me as if asking for mercy.

"Do you realise this effects more than just us?" truthfully I'm only thinking about Gale.

"I only care about you." I can see it in his eyes, he really means it.

I try to change tactics. "What happens when you find someone you want, someone that can give you more than I can? Men have needs?"

"I only need you to be happy." I believe him but that's now what about later on.

"I saw how Joanna affected you tonight. Don't tell me you have no needs." His eye widen at my petty remark.

"Is that what you think I want?" he honestly seemed disturbed by the idea. "Joanna?"

"Not necessarily Joanna, but yes at some point you will need more than I have to give you ." With that I turn to leave.

Peetas calls out to my retreating figure. "So we don't get married. I marry some other girl. What are you going to do creep into bed beside us?"

I stop and turn. "I can always drink." I continue to my room.

That night my dreams are of people not monsters. I see Gale watching my interview. His face crumbling as I say yes to Peeta. The hurt I've caused him just by being in his life. My Mother so against the faux relationship, telling me I'm going to ruin both mine and Peetas future. How I'm too selfish to be a good wife to him. Next I see Peeta and Joanna; they are in bed together laughing. Joanna giving Peeta everything I refused. Then I am alone, I am also in a bed. It's very dark and the sheets are red. I am about to get up when two men hold me down, the door opens to reveal a line of what can only be capital citizens with the bizarre hair and makeup they have. All with large money bags to buy me. These images go over and over again till I wake up screaming. I must have been screaming for some time as I am already cradled in Peetas arms with his reassuring voice soothing me. I want to tell him I'm sorry, I will marry him and that he was right. But that still only took away half the nightmare, if even.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke up to find myself alone. I looked about me for evidence that Peeta had really come to me last night and it wasn't just my imagination. Beside the pillow I found a note.

"Sorry to leave so early but I have a date." Was all it said, a date? Was he really going out with someone else? I got so angry at the thought of this. It must be because he is risking everything. What was the point in the pretending if he was to be caught with another woman? We would be sold to the highest bidder within a second of Snows beliefs being founded.

I got dressed quickly and made my way for breakfast. When I got to the table the mood was sombre. That's when it hit me. The games started today. I looked from dismal face to dismal face. I had run out of time to guide these people. I had been so caught up in my selfish needs I had let them down. I couldn't speak so I didn't. I just sat down.

I picked at some toast till the silence was interrupted by the return of Peeta. I felt myself growing angry again. How could he be out with some... some… mistress when we were needed here? Peeta being Peeta knew what to do with the mood and set beside me and Mika.

"I know it might seem strange to be sitting here with us, when today you are about to enter the arena. Just know we will do everything we can to get you what you need." He gestured to me and Haymitch as he spoke.

"Thank you Peeta." Haymitch was the only one to reply but he said it all really.

I felt me anger ebb a little in appreciation of him being my spokesperson.

"How was your morning out?" it was Haymitch who asked. My eyes just widened when I realised everyone else knew of Peetas excursion.

"Excellent, really refreshing. I think I think I'm getting good at it. Definitely able to go for longer and a bit faster too." Peeta seems unfazed discussing his exploits in public.

"Good, I find it takes practice and once you get good enough, you can really start to enjoy it more." Haymitch continues. I can't believe what I'm hearing. I just gape at them both.

Is this normal? Men just go out find some girl and practise till they get good. I have to get up and leave, I can't listen to any more of this. I stand to leave but look back down at the four faces of the tributes. I sit back down and tell myself to suck it up for them. Peeta looks at me concerned and reaches over and gives my hand a reassuring squeeze with his.

I look at his hand still resting on mine. I can't help the look of disgust that crosses my face while I stare at it. Where had that been this morning? Who was it touching? I meet Peetas eyes as tears start to sting my own. I feel sick at the thoughts of him with someone else. I turn my head and pull my hand from his.

After breakfast the tributes go to the prep teams, Haymitch calls Peeta and I to the side. "Ok you two its game time. This is when the work starts for us." He looks from me to Peeta then back to me. I know I still have watery eyes so look to the ground. "So, what has happened to my happy, newly engaged couple?"

I open my mouth to answer but he doesn't want an answer and cuts me off. "This is not going to be believable like this." He indicates to us with his hand. "Katniss you need to be more involved in Peeta. Peeta you need to show her how to do that. He smiles at me I explode before he can stop me.

"Oh Peeta knows how to get involved does he? Maybe I need some practice too?" Haymitch looks totally confused by this statement.

"Yes, he's far better at playing the crowd than you." His voice is wary, he speaks slowly testing how bad a mood I'm in before adding "ice queen."

"Oh so you want me to be obvious like his capital cronies?" Why is Haymitch not getting this? I turn on Peeta. "Was that who your date was with? One of the capital women?"

"What date?" Haymitch questions us as Peeta has the nerve to smile at me.

"His date he was on this morning. You had quite the conversation about it a moment ago. Rubbing my face in how good she was. How am I to involve myself when I know how he has spent his morning?" I look at the men in awe as they both laugh out loud at me.

"Why is this funny to you?" my anger brakes through as I shout at them.

"I am sorry Katniss, this in my fault let me explain." Peeta reaches for me but I pull away.

When Haymitch walks away he is still laughing as he speaks to us over his shoulder. "I'll let you sort this out Casanova. See you downstairs."

Peeta turns back to me and exhales. "Katniss, I am sorry my note was a joke I thought you would know that."

"Well I didn't. Where were you?" I ask a little embarrassed I hadn't gotten the joke.

"I am learning to swim. Finnick is teaching me, I wanted it to be a surprise." I can see him relaxing as he reads my face for signs of my mood improving.

"So you're getting faster and able to go for longer at swimming." I have to smile myself it is funny when you look at it like that.

Peeta took my hand again and this time I didn't pull it away. He came closer taking my other hand as well. He looked at me a sexy smirk playing on his mouth. My attention was being consumed by his lips. I bit my bottom lip as he took another step closer. My body tingling where ever it touched his. His hands left mine and slowly made their way up my arms, the tingling sensation following them. He now held my face in both of his hands and kissed my forehead. "You are more than enough woman for me, maybe even too much." His husky tone was back and I realised that tone seemed to have an effect on my knees. My mouth watered as his eyes blazed in to mine. My eyes closed as my lips parted turning towards him.

"That's more like it" my eyes pop open at the sound of Haymitch's voice. "Well done Peeta. Keep that up all day now you two. I might believe you."

I look at the floor unable to look at Peeta. Haymitch was right he was better at this than me.

-0-

After we left the tributes I was such a mess I had to go back to our floor and redo my makeup. I had a few moments to get my head straight as well. Mine and Peetas on screen relationship is moving way too fast for me. I had to put an effort into slowing it down, at this rate we be married soon and then what babies? Still I had heard rumours of what happened to victors that didn't play Snows game. Families held hostage or even killed. I had to win again. If I didn't put everything I had into Peeta we would be prostituted out like others have been for years.

Looking fresh again I headed for the viewing room. I took the last moment before getting in the elevator to push everything and everyone to the back of my mind. Prim, my mother and Gale. To protect them I had to give everything to Peeta. My mother and Prim would understand eventually but I felt this would ruin whatever it is I have with Gale. He will never forgive me.

The door opens to the viewing room and I scan it to find Peeta. I find him with Finnick at the centre of the room leaning on a tall stool. I take a deep breath and go to him. Ignoring Finnick at first I place what I hope is a loving kiss on a stunned Peeta. Catching on quickly he wraps his arms around me and leaves them there as our lips break away and I turn to face Finnick.

"Nice to see you again, Katniss" he raises his eyebrows at me while he speaks.

"You too Finnick, although I should be angry with you taking Peeta from me so early this morning." I see him eye Peeta questioningly.

"Yes, the cat is out of the bag Finnick. It's very hard for me to keep a secret from Katniss." Peeta answers his unspoken question.

The screen at that covers the entire back wall flicks on, taking our attention from the conversation. I hold Peetas hands tightly around me. I'm not acting now I genuinely need his support. As we watch to clock counting down from twenty I notice how the once spread out victors where now gravitating into their district groups. Haymitch found us and I let go of one of Peetas hands to hold one of his. Peeta just wrapped his free hand around my waist tighter, his chin resting on my shoulder. No one spoke and then a load buzzer sounded.

My eyes where frozen open and stuck to the screen. It was an urban setting. Not in ruins like I've seen before. I could hear Caesar tell us over the commentary that there would be no electricity and some wild animals will be let loose every now and again. The cornucopia was in a grassy town square surrounded by hedging that led out to a shell of high rises as far as we could see.

With double the amount of tributes it seemed to be worse than ever. It truly was a blood bath. The careers didn't lose any in the opening battle. That meant a career pack of eight rather than the four of previous years. We lost the two brothers Jiles and Mika from twelve in the opening seconds, totally ignoring our advice to run opting instead to use their strength to get weapons and supplies. Jiles was taken out by an arrow in the neck. Even though he was dead as soon as it hit him, it took some time for him to stop spluttering around and give in to the inevitable. Mika got a dagger in the side. He fought for a while but a dark boy from one stuck a sword right into his face and he too was gone. They were brothers; a mother in twelve just lost her two sons.

More images for my nightmares. When would my head fill up too much that no more horror would fit in? The twins on the other had found each other at the hedge and ran up a tower not too far away but far enough to survive thus far anyway.

There were seventeen tributes dead before the first night had even started. As the tributes settled down our work was starting. I looked to Haymitch and with a pleading tone I asked. "How do we help them?"

As if I had signalled for it a side door opened. Men, women and families entered our domain. "We go tell them how great the kids are." Haymitch lead the way. "Oh and be nice to them sweetheart."

That's how the night was spent. Snuggling tight to Peeta and kissing him every chance I got, some chaste and when I got the opportunity some deeper. Not once did we separate as if holding on to each other was life or death.

Our engagement was talked about as much as the games however we both tried to keep them focused on Rebecca and Reese. Hopefully we made the right impression. The impression we needed to.


	7. Chapter 7

**I don't normally put in notes but just a short one to say thank you for the reviews and suggestions I am happy to get them and hopefully you can see I've taken them to mind while writing.**

As I lay in Peetas bed by head was spinning with thoughts of the Pasters brothers. How little I knew them, had known them. They are dead; they died before I could even help them. When we came back to his room tonight, Peeta had held me till I had no more tears. He showered me and now I lay in his grey cotton t-shirt while he washed away the tears in the shower.

When he appeared from the bathroom his scent hit me first. He smelt so good, not just the way people did in the capital but it was mixed with the scent of home. He lay down next to me wordlessly and just wrapping me up in his arms.

Maybe it was how he had comforted me tonight or the upped intensity of the faux relationship, but my dream tonight had a new star.

 _I was in district 12. At the lake my father took me to in the forest. I was swimming when I heard him approach. I knew it was Peeta, nobody else made so much noise. I smiled up at him as he started to strip off to get in the lake too. He was solid, not gaudily big like some of the aging careers but he had the shoulders of a man and you could tell by the muscles on his arms that he was strong. He dove in like he spent every day on the lake and surfaced out of the water in front of me glistening in the sunlight._

 _Without uttering a word his arms circled my body and he kissed me. This was not like the kisses for the cameras, his movements were urgent and laced with desire. He pulled away before I wanted him to, his blue eyes burning deep into me. I lean in to kiss him again but he pulled back and with his sexy smirk in place he finally spoke._

" _You have to want me too." His husky tone sent the good kind of shivers down my body._

" _Peeta, I do want you. I need you." I reply quickly hoping he will kiss me like that me again. He moves closer to me and as I reach both hands into his blonde curls he traces his hands from my shoulder down to my hips and pulls me into him. I can feel how hard he is and it makes me desperate for him. "Peeta please."_

 _He gives into me and kisses me again; it's so hot my head spins._

 **Peeta pov**

As I lathered up in the shower my mind was turbulent. It was such a hard night, losing the brothers had hit us like a ton of bricks. Knowing better than most the consequences of the games I thought we would cope better.

On the flip side something was changing with Katniss. I know it is all for the cameras but I was sure she wanted me to kiss her earlier. No cameras just us. Then tonight she really upped it with the affection but again Haymitch had told her to.

I left the bathroom and got into bed beside Katniss. I couldn't help looking her over as I drew back the covers. If she only knew what thoughts that grey t-shirt caused to stir in me. It didn't help that the hem was riding up exposing the white lace of her underwear. I was afraid to talk to her in case my voice gave away my arousal. I took her in my arms but not as close as I would have liked to, scared if I did I would give away my expanded situation.

It was going to be a long night. Katniss was asleep within minutes. In some ways I looked forward to these nights. When Katniss wasn't screaming and my own mind was peaceful, she would mumble in her sleep. Sometimes I could tell what she was dreaming weather it was of being at home with Prim, or in the capital with Haymitch and me and sometimes even Gales name come out. This does bother me a lot but I have to remember he is her best friend and will always part of my life. I did wonder if he had an opinion on our engagement.

Tonight was no exception; Katniss was talking in her sleep within record time. Tonight however the tone was a little different than normal and it was my name on her lips. She was lying on her back slightly leaning towards me. She was biting her lip again; she had done this earlier tonight when I was sure she wanted me to kiss her.

"mmm, Peeta I do. Mmm need you" As if answering my unvoiced question she mumbled at me. Her hips seamed to squirm up and down. Her hands rubbed her inner thigh.

Was this really happening? Was Katniss dreaming a hot dream about me? I was so intrigued I hovered over her. Probably too close but I was desperate to hear more. If she only just whispered I had to hear her.

"Peeta, please" her voice was growl of desire. I was elated, she wanted me. What was I to do now? Should I make a move? What move could I make?

I had no more time to think her eyes fluttered open. She took in my position on top of her our faces only an inch apart. I was about to retreat when she closed the space between us and kissed me.

 **Katniss pov**

It took several moments for me to realise I was awake. How had this happened? I couldn't think my head was spinning with the craving my dream had left me with. Peetas kiss was so urgent and I was kissing him back with just as much need. This was better than my dream. Probably because I have never been kissed like this that my mind was just not this imaginative.

His hands explored my body, moving from my side down passed my ass to the back of my knee. It was at this point I realised my legs were hitched up around him. As his hands travelled back up they went under the cotton fabric and teased the area around my breast without actually touching them.

His lips left mine to kiss around my ear, peppering kisses down my jaw line and finally when he nibbled my neck I let out a soft moan. I was shocked I had made such a sound but then I was never turned on this much before.

My obvious enjoyment in his actions seamed to motivate him more and he thrust his hips into me as his mouth found mine once more. One of my hands had left his hair and found its way to his rear. In a bold move I used it to push him into me once more.

Just like my dream I could feel him hard with the need for more but as I considered what more would entailed, just like my dream he pulled away from me too soon.

As we looked at each other our chests heaving from the lack of air I could see a hundred questions in his eyes. None of which I had an answer for. He dropped back onto his pillow and put his hands over his face.

Out of total confusion and a feeling of rejection that was now setting in I turned my back on him and tried to fight the tears. Peetas reaction to this was to move himself into the spooning position around me and kiss my hair.

His actions although curbing the rejection I was feeling did nothing to help with my confused state of mind. Heck my actions did nothing to help my state of mind.

-0-

When I woke up the next morning I didn't open my eyes for fear of what I had to face. It's not that I am scared of Peeta but I just wanted a moment to process what had happened during the night. I think back over it.

It wasn't clear when my dream stopped and reality took over. I had to stop myself dwelling on the details as I felt my mouth water and my breathing quicken. Oh god how was I going to turn to face him? Was Peeta going to expect it to be like this all the time now? Was I ready for this?

I felt Peeta move in the bed beside me. What was he thinking? I know if I got a look at his face I would be able to tell. I bit the bullet and turned over and was met by the truest blue eyes centimetres from me.

"Good morning Katniss" he was testing the waters with me. I could tell he was being wary like at any moment I would bolt out of the room.

"Good morning Peeta" I could play this game. If he was waiting for me to bring it up he would be waiting a while.

"Did you sleep well?" his sexy grin took my eyes to his mouth too long. He wasn't playing fair.

"Not bad, you?" one syllable words is all I can manage.

"I would say it was the best night I ever had." His grin is infectious and I find myself smiling too. "So I better get up or Finnick will come to find me for my lesson."

My mouth reacts without my minds permission. "Don't go. Stay with me." His eyes dart to take in all my features at once as if to get the clearest read of my face possible.

Carefully he leans in to me and instinctually I move onto my back. As he hovers over me looking straight at me he asks "Katniss, do you want me?" my heart starts to beat so loud I'm sure he should be able to hear it. I ask myself internally, what do I want?

Unable to answer I opt for a diversion and I kiss him. The heat from the night before was present almost immediately. Peeta put some of his weight on me but I could feel he was still holding back. This wasn't enough for me, without breaking our embrace I found myself pushing him onto his back and straddling him. This time it was his turn to moan in pleasure, encouraging me to push myself down against his swelling crotch. The heat seems to move through us like a current, his hands controlling its course, making circular motions on my bottom.

As his fingers played with the waistband of my underwear I pulled back for the need to breath was becoming immediate, leaning my forehead on his I opened my eyes to see him smouldering under our heat. I was in the process of returning to our activities when the door flew open.

Shit it was Effie and she was coming for us. "You come with me now." Her voice was shrill as she took me by the arm like some deranged school teacher. I was out of the room and being marched down the hall any protest I made was met with more shrill remarks. "Think of your mother", "my reputation" and "your reputation" where most often used.

As we reached the foyer Peeta had caught up with us. "Effie please, let her go; it's not what it looks like."

"I'll have you know Peeta I actually do know what IT looks like. And that is exactly what IT looked like" her voice went even higher on the IT.

I hadn't realised we weren't alone until Haymitch spoke up. "That's what it tends to look like for me too Peeta, but mine is bigger." With that Peeta drops his hands to cover himself but not before my eyes and I'm sure everyone else's eyes fell on the thin material being stretched across the front of his briefs.

Another chuckle alerts me to the presence of Finnick and I feel the colour drain from my face as I bolt to my room. Nothing and I mean nothing was going to get me to leave it.


	8. Chapter 8

Once the door is locked I turn and slide my back down it till I'm sitting on the floor. I could hear most of the conversations still taken part in the hall way. Peeta had excused himself to go get dressed and Haymitch was still trying to calm Effie.

"I told you Haymitch, I said this was going on and you assured me I was wrong, but I knew it." Effie must have to practise getting her voice that high.

"Calm down and tell me what exactly did you walk in on?" Haymitch not surprisingly sounded amused.

"Well let me see now. They were in bed together." She didn't sound sure as she paused.

"That's it?" Haymitch jumped in and I heard another snigger along with him. Finnick was still there.

"No, that is not all." There was a long pause before I heard Haymitch prompt Effie for more.

"Don't worry about him we are all friends here." Haymitch was referring to Finnick. He wanted Effie to tell Finnick what she saw. I think I could vomit right now.

"Fine, well Katniss was on top of Peeta, her hands in his hair and very close to his face." She finished as if expecting a gasp from her audience but none came.

"Are you sure she wasn't attacking him again? You know how her temper gets." Haymitch offered up.

Effie's tone as she answered was very matter of fact. "If Katniss was attacking Peeta then why was his hand busy down her pants rather than defending her off?" Effie didn't get the gasp she wanted but it did get a reaction from Finnick.

"Haymitch, I was under the impression that it was, how should I put it, an arranged marriage?" His question was loaded with a true meaning; that of the general knowledge that our relationship was a show for the capital citizens. I was blushing behind the protection of my door.

"Well, being as wise and I am Finnick, I have to say I seen this coming but not this soon. It's perfect really shall we celebrate with a drink" I hear him leave, heading for the bar. "Hey lover boy we are having a drink, will you join us?"

Peeta must have returned as I heard him answer Haymitch. "Just a second, I need to deal with this first." He come closer to the outside of my door and knocked. "Katniss please it's me let me in." Peeta's voice was soft as he spoke to my door.

Before I could answer I heard Effie once more. "If you think I am going to let you two back into a room alone, you are in for a disappointment."

"Effie please if you want Katniss to go to the viewing room today you better back off." His voice was stern and protective of me. The sound of Effie's retreating heels echoed down the hall. I waited a moment to make sure it was just Peeta outside and unlocked my door. I didn't need to open the door Peeta was inside before I had a chance, closing the door and locking it again.

I couldn't help laughing at his actions. What was I going to say to him? He was going to want to talk about what had accrued between us but I still wasn't sure what I wanted. I changed the subject before he could speak. "I have to get ready." I turn to the clothes bag on my bed, "let's see what Cinna has for me today." I open it up to see yet another vixen worthy ensemble.

The colour is a light shimmery grey. The material is very thin and is cut into a very low V in both the front and back. The shirt falls tight to above the knee it comes with a silver belt and earrings. I leave for the dressing room, even though I am not sure what is happening with Peeta I am definitely not ready to undress in front of him.

As I appear fully dressed, still finishing the band on my braid I hear him shuffle and look up. Peeta was lying on the bed but as I came into view he stood back up. Was this uncomfortable for him too? I knew we had to talk about it at one point but right now we had sponsors to impress and tributes to help, it would have to keep for another time.

"You look…" Peeta blew out some air. "Too good, I'll have to thank Cinna myself."

"Don't you dare. I hate these dresses and he knows its." I was trying to put some humour into my tone to lighten the mood.

"I wasn't going to tell him _you_ liked them." I wasn't prepared for the husky tone and bit my lip to conceal the effect it had on me. If I didn't get out of here soon he would know exactly the effect it had on me. I turned unlocked the door then paused I took a deep breath and as I exhaled Peeta took my hand and lead me out to the elevator.

-0-

We were early, the viewing floor was half empty and no sponsors had arrived yet. Great how was I going to get through this day? I looked around me once more my eyes catching the bar. "Peeta, don't take this the wrong way but I need a drink." I leave in the direction of the bar before he can answer.

Standing at the bar is a tall light orange barman. As he looks at me expectantly I realise I have no idea what to order. "Give me whatever Haymitch usually gets." He raises his eyebrows but gets me my drink. I swallow it in one go. "One more and be quick." I knew Peeta would be at my side disapproving in no time.

"Katniss, was it really that bad?" Peeta's voice is low at my ear. I finish my drink as before and turn to see him I was only going to have two anyway, enough to take the edge off my mood.

"No Peeta, it was not bad at all." I look at the floor and blush as I add "I just didn't want everyone else to be involved before we really knew ourselves what was happening."

"It doesn't matter what people know or think they know Katniss, it will always be between just you and me that matters." Peeta was so good at putting it in words I envied this ability. Still so unsure of where I wanted this to go I took his hand and headed to our area.

In the area for District 12 mentors where two screens that were dedicated to our tributes all of the time. Also we had our watcher, she took notes of important activities during the night and other times we had to be absent. Sonia was a typical capital type with green hair and features but what stood out more to me was the excitement she had over the deaths and forming relationships taking part in the arena. She obviously really enjoyed the games. She rattled on about what weapons had been collected and by whom, where they had set up camp and who she thought was playing it smart.

I let Sonia continue her rundown until the end, taking in maybe only half of what she was saying. I still held Peetas hand and the heat coming from it was distracting however I did manage to focus on what she was telling us about our doomed twins. They had made it through the night. Once everything quieted down Rebecca headed for the roof of the building they had chosen as home, while Reece went outside foraging for food and maybe even weapons. He would constantly look to Rebecca for guidance and even though they were far apart she seemed to do this accurately. He returned home with a set of daggers and a backpack of supplies.

They were the talk of the games already. People where calling them the bewitched twins of 12. The most incredible part was that they didn't talk very much to each other; they just knew what the other wanted or would do in certain situations.

"So what do they need? How can we help them?" I asked desperate to do more for them.

"Nothing," Sonia's reply confused me. They were in the games, there had to be something they need. "They are warm; they have food and water and are uninjured."

I look to Peeta; he looks just as baffled as me as this is not what we had expected. Right on cue to rescue us Haymitch joins our table looking very smug already. Had he somehow heard before us? "So now what?" I question him, hoping for once to get him to just answer my question without some sort of smutty, slurred remark.

"Well now sweetheart, that's not really up to me. Don't they still teach this sort of stuff in schools?" Haymitch finishes his declaration with a wide grin. Peeta puts his head in his hands and I just look at them both completely puzzled.

"Haymitch you know well they do not teach us how to be a mentor at school." I say through grinded teeth. Haymitch looks at me and laughs.

I can feel myself about to get angry when Peeta leans in and whispers. "He doesn't know about the twins." I look at him blankly while thinking back over Haymitch's remark. "Ignore it." Peeta instructs me as he can see that my mind has fully grasped Haymitch intent. Sex education, he is smug because Peeta and I were together.

I move on "Haymitch, the twins are doing well. They are in need off nothing but they are popular. How do we stockpile till they are in need of something?" I still sounded harassed but I was going to push forward for the twins.

"Now, this is a good day. What we do Katniss my love is relax and have fun." He waves at the orange bar man.

"But I need to help them." I was desperate for something to think about besides last night and this morning too.

"This is how we do help them. We play their game; show them how we are just like them enjoying the grossness of the contest. Make them feel we are friends. Then when the time comes it's easy to ask for what we need." His seriousness only lasted a second. "So know we know you can actually let loose and relax, why don't you go ahead and have a drink sweetheart?"

A large bottle of sparkling wine hit the table and for once I did as Haymitch requested of me. We spent the night enjoying the company of the other mentors and every VIP we could fit into our area. It was easy to entice them not only because Peeta and I was an attraction but people wanted to talk about our doomed duo too.

It was easy to play happy with them as I had more than consumed my share of the liquor. I am not sure if this is the cause of the change I felt when I kissed Peeta. There was a heat present that was not there before last night, I nearly got lost in every embrace.

By the time they were clearing out for the night Finnick had joined our group I was too far gone to even be embarrassed. "Now my night is complete every man present has seen more of me than is decent."

"I sorry Finnick, I think I'll take Katniss upstairs now." Peeta offers me his hand but suddenly my bravado is gone. What will he do with me upstairs? What do I want him to do? I bite my lip looking at his blue eyes for some sort of sign of his intentions. My breathing gets deeper and panic sets in.

To my surprise it's Finnick that comes to my rescue. "Actually Peeta I was hoping for a word with you alone." Peeta looks from him to me conflicted by which situation needs him more.

"I'll take Katniss up Peeta. You go have your chat." Haymitch stands to leave then looks at me and gives a whistle like I'm a dog. If he thinks that will get me to follow he is sorely mistaking. "Katniss I've a new bottle, unopened." That does the trick, I'm on my feet kissing Peeta goodbye in record time.

As I leave I can hear him giggle at us, or was I giggling. Haymitch and I didn't always see eye to eye but we did have a special bond. I glance back once more to see Peeta's eyes following me out of the room. It takes a lot for me not to return to him, I smile what I am sure is a silly wide grin but I don't care looking at him right now, not thinking about the games, not thinking about Prim at home or even Gale. Right now in this moment I am happy.


	9. shaken

**I updated some chapters tonight to improve the way the story flows but here is the new chapter. I'd also like to thank everyone for the reviews an** d **Asherah Isa** **for being my beta**

 **Peeta's pov.**

I watch Katniss leave and I cannot help smiling at her giddy composure. She actually looks happy, I know that she is drunk but regardless it warms me deeply to see Katniss this way. I turn back to Finnick who is at the bar again.

Hoping it won't take long I start up conversation immediately. "So what's so urgent it could not wait until morning?" I do like Finnick but I want to get back to Katniss.

"Where to start?" Finnick questions himself before continuing. "I guess I am here to warn you. The president has his suspicions about the sincerity of your relationship." I already know this but I consider how much I should divulge to Finnick.

"How do you know this?" I decide to see what information he already has before I offer anything more.

"Look it is no secret that Snow owns us all, to do with us what he pleases with us." He looks hassled as he speaks, "Snow told me I had to…" he takes a deep breath "to… to try to seduce Katniss." He is looking at the floor and I am happy he is because I am sure my expression is murderous.

My mind suddenly starts jumping between images of Katniss and Finnick together and her sudden affection to me. Did I owe the best night of my life thus far to a guilty conscience? "When were you together?" I half growled at him, my mind crazy with a mixture of anger and jealousy but I had to know if their being together and Katniss's desire for me were linked.

He looks at my face and weighs my question more. "No Peeta, it was not like that." He is getting defensive.

I clench my fists and take a deep breath. "Then why don't you tell me what it was like?" I don't think I can hold on much more before I lose it completely.

"She turned me down." Finnick says a little embarrassed. As my mind processes his response I feel myself relax. Finnick must see this too as he continues a little more care free. "Never took the bait. In fact I think I repulsed her. I have to say it has never happened before and she has certainly dented my ego."

It takes a while for his words to settle themselves in my thoughts. I should never have jumped to the conclusion that Katniss would jump into bed with Finnick. What had she ever done to encourage such thinking?

"Why are you telling me this?" Why the confession, if there was no crime?

"Until this morning I believed your relationship was just a ruse but I can see now that I was wrong. I love a girl back in four. She is actually a victor but her health keeps her off the train. I guess what I am saying is; I am sorry I tried to trespass on your relationship, knowing it is sincere. I feel terrible."

Finnick's raw honesty touches me. I really do like him and feel we may still be good friends one day.

"Thank you Finnick. Can I ask you, how would you proceed if you were me in regards to Snow?" I had to ask not knowing what Snow might try next.

"Keep doing what you are doing. Snow will make a lot of money off you yet. This wedding of yours will be as big as the games are. Do as he wishes and continue to stay true to Katniss as I have no doubt she will to you. If I couldn't tempt her who will?" he finishes with the bravado I am used to seeing him with.

We finish our drinks and say our farewells. Walking back to the elevator I try to clear my mind. A few things from my talk with Finnick were still troubling me. I must ask him if he thinks Johanna's interest in me was also motivated by Snow.

The other thing however Finnick could not clear up for me. Who could tempt Katniss? I knew not only who could but also who wanted to. He is also stupid enough to disregard Snow. The biggest obstacle I had in my path to Katniss' safety was going to be Gale!

-0-

Katniss' POV

Haymitch always had the best booze. Once, I had considered getting my own supply from the hob but it never tasted as good as what Haymitch would supply me with. I look over at my new father figure, my own father I have no doubt, was a better man but who is to say Haymitch would still be a drunk if he was never reaped.

"What's on your mind, Katniss?" it takes some time for his words to make sense to me.

"My mind seems to be empty." I laugh at my own bad joke. "What would you like me to be thinking?"

"Tell me about you and Peeta." Haymitch's request brings a blush to my cheeks and to my own dismay I answer him.

"Peeta is too good for me. His smile is too sexy, it affects me too much." I'm not sure I am even making sense but my mouth won't stop. I see Haymitch smirk at me.

"Do you love him?"

Why does Haymitch do this to me, I need a new drinking partner. "Well?" he pushes me for an answer.

I look at Haymitch in the eye trying to sound sober and I say "he is definitely on the short list of people I love. You and Peeta are part of my family now."

"I haven't had a family for a long time sweetheart." His sombre answer unsettles me.

"Come on Haymitch, every family needs a drunk uncle." We both laugh off the desperate state of our lives and are quiet for a while.

I am nearly asleep when he asks me one more question. "Do you love Gale?"

My eyes are closed when I answer robotically "like a brother." But the thought sours my mood all the same. What about Gale? I had to forget about him. I am marrying Peeta to keep my family safe. What about Peeta? Would he want me to go to him tonight? Did I want to go to him tonight? My mind raced on this way, till I fell asleep.

-0-

"Katniss, it's time to get up." I know it is Peeta; no one else would be this gentle with me. My head is throbbing and the light coming in the window is burning my eyes.

"Peeta, Please." I see him beside me looking fresh and amused with his sexy smile in place. I am sure I don't look as good. "Leave me, alone"

"Never!" he comes to sit on the bed. "We have to go soon. I brought you some breakfast in bed and tonic prescribed by Haymitch."

Wait did he say in bed? I go through the previous night in my head I fell asleep on a chair in the lounge. I sit up quickly; to quickly my head is dizzy. Looking about me I comprehend that I am in Peeta's room and someone has changed my outfit. The grey dress is draped over a chair with my bra! I look down slowly to see the new white t-shirt I am wearing. I look back to Peeta sure I look crazy the way my head is darting about the room.

"Did you put me to bed?" he smiles as if expecting a reward for gallantry but I am furious. "Did you undress me?" my emotion being reflected in my voice causes his smile to falter a little.

"Would you have preferred to sleep in your dress?" he says it with such a cocky tone that I comprehend quickly he is messing with me, he didn't take advantage of my drunken state. Peeta must have got an Avox to help me.

I lean forward towards him on my hands, positioning myself on all fours and whisper to his ear. "No, definitely not in the dress." I slide off the bed and go into the bathroom. I remove the t-shirt and lean back out the open door "Peeta," I call him to make sure he is looking at my naked shoulders, "I am going to shower could you get my outfit from my room please." His eyes are burning and I am not sure if he is going to go get my clothes or come take me here and now. My heart skips a few beats.

When he exits the room my thumping heart calms a little. What am I doing? Ok, Peeta should not mess with me but I have to be careful in my own escapades or I might get more than I bargained for. At some point I need time to get outside preferably with a bow in my hand and think about what I want and need before I get too swept up in this to stop it.

-0-

The games continue much the same for us except my alcohol consumption is a little more reserved. The twins manage to stay out of the fighting until the final seven. Surprising there is only three careers left one boy from district one and two girls from district two. There is also a girl from five and a boy from seven.

I knew the game masters would intervene soon as it had been a day since any of the tributes had come face to face. It was the how, I was unsure of. I was distracted all day my mind wondering what I could try to send the twins that would help in any situation.

We were alone in our area when the earthquake hit the arena. The twins were high up in the building as it and almost all the others crumbled. It was absolute chaos, dust and debris covered the once urban landscape. The whole of the viewing room was silent. Those of us with tributes still in the game stared at the screens dedicated to them. Our hush was broken by the sound of cannons. One, two, three and four, I counted them out load. Four, there was three still alive but where and who?

I know that the trackers that they place in the arms of a tribute can also read the vitals too. Will the game masters tell us now or will they make us wait till the nightly announcement? My eyes never leave the pile of rubble on the monitor where I normally see the twins constantly.

I look to the main viewing wall to see a district two girl digging up the debris looking for her sister. That's one, only two survivors unaccounted for. Could it be Reese and Rebecca? I need to see them if I am to help them. How else can I know what they need?

I finally look at Peeta and he looks as beaten as I feel. I go to him and take his hand, I don't like to see him hurting and I am not sure what else we can do.

Boom!

Another cannon! All hope not seems lost to me now at least one of my team is dead. The twins were side by side when the tower went down. If one has died what are the chances the other has survived?

My free hand finds Haymitch's hand, he squeezes it tight and I hope against all hope to see movement from where the display tells us the twins should be. I look again to the main screen to see that the district two girl has given up on digging and is taking cover. In my mind I already see her as the victor; she is only slightly shaken by the earthquake or maybe it's the loss of her sister. She is a career and therefore resourceful too. Whoever emerges from the wreckage after this amount of time will be hurt, stunned even but this girl is ready and waiting.

I look over to the designated area for District two expecting to see them celebrate but they are arguing. People are starting to gravitate to the centre area, the large way displaying the source of the disagreement. The older sister from District two, the one we assumed had been buried by the earthquake was now sneaking towards her younger sister.

"Don't look." I hear Peeta's whisper in my ear. I look at him bewildered this can't be right, this can't happen. They are sisters, my thoughts go to Prim. I would put a dagger in my own heart; it would never come to this. I hear the cannon.

BOOM!

I look to see the younger girl face down in a puddle of blood.

The room was soundless. Not even the masses of District two mentors were celebrating. Caesars voice comes over the speakers also sounding a little stunned. "Ladies and gentlemen The 75th Hunger Games Victor, from District Two,

Selma Steward."


	10. real or not real

Peeta's POV

Lying in my bed with the woman I love, the woman I would marry asleep on my chest I couldn't help thinking my life was not too bad after all. Sure, Snow controlled every last bit of my life but some moments not even he could tarnish.

My mind was turbulent and I couldn't help thinking back over the 75th Games. It was gruesome to say the least. The twin's deaths were quick being buried by the rubble of the collapsing building that had acted as their refuge while in the arena. The two large brothers that had shown promise on the training floor but were to be taken down in the opening bloodbath.

What had I learned from this? I need to take in what I can, every year and maybe once, just once would be enough for me; I could help my tribute become a victor.

I would save a life.

Tomorrow was the victory party. We are going to the President's house first thing. Effie has hired a wedding planner, apparently, the best in the Capitol. The wedding is to take place at the mansion in what we like to call the off season. The off season is that period of time between the end of the victory tour and the reaping, when the Capitol has limited entertainment.

I was not particularly looking forward to the wedding, my wedding. It was more the marriage that held my concern. Katniss and I had never been closer but we still hadn't discussed what had accrued that night, that morning.

Katniss and I were different somehow and yet still the same. We had not gotten so hot and heavy as we had in my bed but it doesn't feel only for the cameras now. Sometimes when we are alone and she has to leave the room for whatever reason she leans in and gives me a kiss goodbye just like the cameras were there. Even the kisses for the publics benefit seemed to be laced with more somehow.

Could it be I may have the marriage I always wanted with Katniss, rather the 'all for the benefit of the camera' one I was getting. I am no fool, I am not expecting a traditional wedding night but just even the idea that maybe one day we might…. I had to be careful I was getting hard and Katniss was so close I didn't want her to feel anything.

I wished I knew what happened in that dream to get that reaction out of her. I wonder if it was like the hot dreams I have of Katniss. My dreams that has been more vivid since Katniss has had hers.

My other concern was Gale. Yes, I am jealous, of course I am. He knows her so well. She goes with him into the woods to hunt alone, spend a whole day with him without anyone. He is her best friend, I hope that is all he is but I can't help the feeling that he wants to skin me alive whenever I am around him. I don't blame him either but he must understand everything I do is to keep Katniss safe.

If Gale can't let her go he may actually put her in danger. I would like to get the opportunity to explain to him about the Capitol, Snow's slave trade and the price that would be paid if he was disobeyed. Gale had never given me the time of day and I doubt he would even believe me if I tried.

Katniss was starting to move beside me. "Prim… mmm… no" not her pleading my name like before, this was a nightmare. I held Katniss tight and cooed at her to wake, that everything is ok. "Peeta… help me… Peeta." I know its wrong but I like that even in her dreams it's me she needs.

"I'm here Katniss" squeezing her a little tighter until she jumps up.

Katniss' POV

I'm sitting bolt upright in bed. I am still feeling the hunt or being hunted instinct from my dream and turn quickly on the noise coming from beside me. It's Peeta, I leap back into his arms, where I am sure I had just been.

Peeta takes me wordlessly in his arms and lifts me onto his lap, soothing my hair with his hand. My heartbeat returns to normal and I turn my tear streaked face to him. His eyes are deep blue in the dark of the room.

"Do you want to talk about it?" his voice is heavy with understanding.

"I killed prim, I stalked her after the earthquake and slit her from ear to ear."

I look down. I don't want to see the shame on Peeta's face. Who dreams about killing their own little sister?

"No you didn't. Listen to me Katniss you are not a killer." Peeta's voice is firm but I know he is just trying to help. He knows I have killed people.

I lay my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. I didn't notice I was drawing circles on his hard chest with my finger until I heard the rhythm change. Did I affect him this much?

Our relationship was changing, even with me being the most clueless on the subject I could see it. We are more comfortable with each other but not only that. I was enjoying playing with Peeta, teasing him and getting a reaction out of him. He was playing games with me too and this was encouraging the child in me. Some might even call it flirting.

I hadn't gotten time to myself to just assess my feelings. We were together all the time and it's not fair to try to think everything over when he is here being perfect. Who is it not fair on?

Gale?

Was Gale even an option for me anymore? I had refused his proposal, left without saying goodbye and then agreed to marry Peeta on live TV. I never meant to hurt Gale but it's just so easy to get caught up in Peeta.

Gale is the type of man, if not, the man I would have ended up with before I was part of the games. But he doesn't understand what I went through.

Peeta is from the town not the Seam. It is rare for the two to mix too much. I would have never ended up with Peeta if not for the games.

Peeta understands like only a fellow victor could. He knows what to say to comfort me and I don't feel guilty because we comfort each other.

It is also so easy with Peeta. I am relaxed in his company. When we are alone the conversation just flows, we are always in a contented atmosphere.

Gale is always so serious and I get it, life is hard on the Seam. I know that more than even him, having nearly starved alongside my family at the age of eleven.

Thinking about this while sitting in Peeta's embrace was wrong. My head is full of all that is right with Peeta. We will be home in two days. I'll think about this in two days.

For now I wanted to see if I did affect Peeta so much. I continued to draw circles on his chest but I stared to sing a soft song. It was just a nursery rhyme but I sang it slower than it should be and in to his chest. I listened for a change in his heartbeat trying to figure out how this would affect him but what changed affected me too. It was not a hitch in the thumping of his heart but in the crotch of his pants. I stiffened too, feeling him press against my leg. I tried to adjust myself a little but this seemed only to make it grow more. I tried to distract us both from it.

"Peeta, what will happen now, when we go home?" What am I asking? I have no idea what I want to happen at home.

"What do you mean?" Oh god his voice sounds all husky. I feel a jolt low in my stomach as I realise that tone must be associated with the stiffening of his pants. I wiggle trying to avoid it.

"I… I..." mmm what are we talking about? My mind can only focus on the bulge which after all the wiggling is now under my thigh.

"Katniss, should we address the elephant in the room?" My breathing quickens, he wants to talk about the fact he is pressing into me.

"It's big Peeta but I am not sure I would compare it to an elephant's one." My reflex sarcasm kicks in but I just want to bolt out of the room.

"Erm" I look up to see him looking embarrassed and a little shocked at my question. "Thank you for noticing but I meant the fact we are about to plan our wedding." He regains some composure towards the end.

I however had lost all my composure along with my ability to speak. I am still looking into his face when his eyes lands on me. What must I look like to him? I am sitting there on his lap and gapping at the mouth while his manhood digs into me from below.

"If you would like to talk about something else we could." He was playing now trying to provoke me. His voice was still deep and I swear he just twitched under me.

It worked he activated my competitive personality trait. I move again, this time more deliberate with my positioning. My chest was closer to his and I was directly over the bulge. I give a little push down as I looked up. I was intending to make a smartass comment but as soon as his eyes caught mine our lips met and my whole body went up in flames.

My hands went into his blonde curls as I swivelled on the spot so that we were facing each other. My legs are kneeling on the bed either side of Peeta. His hands travel down my spine and rests on my bottom, pulling me towards his hard cock.

Peeta's thrusts keep in regular time, my hands run on to his shoulders. The sensation of rubbing off him is driving me mad with lust. When our lips break apart I let out a moan of pleasure. Peeta is relentless with his kisses, continuing to trail them down my neck and across my collar bone.

Peeta puts his hands up my shirt cupping my breast as his mouth finds mine once more. I am almost completely lost in his touch when I pull away and scurry back down the bed. It takes all my will power not to dive straight back into his arms. The look of arousal on Peeta's face stirred at my insides.

"Katniss, what…?" Peeta's voice is a growl of frustration. How do I explain my actions to him when I don't understand them myself? I just spread out my hands, palms up and shrug my shoulders.

"I need more than that, what is happening here?" I feel so sorry for him I creep back up the bed towards him.

"It's just too fast." I offer up as a consolation prize. His expression softens.

"Katniss do you want me?"

Yes I want him. I want him so much right now my body is aching. However I can't bring myself to admit this to him or even myself.

"I need time, I am confused." His face changes his emotions hinting more towards anger than frustration.

"Is this about Gale? Do you want him?" I am shocked at the question but can understand his thinking.

I have no idea what to say. Do I want Gale? I close my eyes and try to picture Gale holding me instead of Peeta. I can't see his face, Peeta is all I see and all I want to see.

"Not like I want you but I can't hurt him. I won't hurt him." I try to read Peeta' s mind, I would give anything to know what he makes of this.

"Katniss do you want to marry me?" his words are slow like he is trying not to startle a wild animal.

"I need to marry you." It was the truth, if I didn't marry Peeta my life would fall apart.

Peeta stands and walks around the room. My eyes follow him trying to figure out what path his thoughts are on. It feels like hours go by before he turns back to me.

"Ok I have an idea." He looks at me trying to decide whether he should continue. "Its simple really, maybe too simple." He pauses again, "honesty."

"I don't get it" I really didn't and if he wanted honesty he was going to get it.

"We are the star crossed lovers from District 12?" he looks at me for an answer.

Confused I answer "Yes"

"No, that's what I mean. It's not real." Peeta was getting excited and I still didn't get it. He could obviously see this on my face so continued to try and explain.

"You enjoyed kissing me tonight. Is that real or not real?"

"Real," I keep my head down, hiding my face as I blush.

Peeta kneels before me tilting my face up to look at him "Honesty remember."

"Real" his eyes light up at my answer. "But what's the point in this?"

"The point is so we can have our own private relationship, just you and me." He is walking around the room again. "Ok our engagement is not real, heck the wedding is not going to be real so whenever something happens that feels too fast or because the Capitol has pushed us to do it, we just ask each other real or not real?"

I must still look confused because he asks me again. "I owe you my life, real or not real?"

"Not real." He looks disappointed so I add "not real, I couldn't have saved you if you hadn't saved me first. I would have starved long before the reaping, Prim too. I owed you my life first."

"You are driving me mad, do you want to do this?" he is already smiling he knows the answer.

"Yes but we take it slow."

Peeta is back to me and places a kiss on my lips. It is a sweet kiss not the lust filled kisses of earlier but still filled with so much emotion.


	11. planing and plotting

Katniss' POV

It was strange to be in the President's mansion without the fanfare of a party. Sure the place was buzzing with people coming and going for the victory party that would take place later this evening but that was nothing compared to the hundreds of Capitol citizens that has been here on our previous visits.

The wedding planner was everything I was promised by Effie. Her name was Serena and was white from head to toe, clothes, skin even her pupils were white. She had so many ideas and every one of them was outrageous.

Peeta and I just smiled and said that they sounded great. We had come to the agreement this was not our wedding and just part of the never ending show we were preforming.

Not real.

This new understanding between us was just what I needed. I no longer felt guilt over leading Peeta on. Peeta knew I had some feelings for him but he also knew I was unsure about them. The freedom of honesty had me giddy.

I was holding Peeta's hand swinging it between us as I smiled at him. We were following Serena not really paying attention when a voice stops us dead in our tracks.

"The happy couple," I look up shocked to see Snow himself. "How are the plans coming along?"

I know we are technically in his home but I had not anticipated seeing Snow.

"To say that we are out of our league planning a wedding fit for the Capitol is an understatement sir." Peeta is so good at this, he was meant for the Capitol.

"Well if you need anything don't hesitate to ask." Snow sounds sincere but I can't help be repulsed by him.

"Serena has been most helpful but it's your house and if anything is not up to your standards or your liking we would be happy to change anything." Snow smirks at Peeta's reply and I could smack him for looking at Peeta so disrespectfully.

"I have no doubt the wedding will be spectacular." Snows words were polite but it still felt like a warning.

As Snow left us I realised all my happiness from before was gone.

I hate that man.

-0-

The victory party was unbearable.

Peeta and I had to take turns dancing and as a result conversing with the Capitol VIP. Each asking questions about our relationship and upcoming wedding. My robotic well-rehearsed answers kept them happy and convinced I was indeed a blushing bride.

It was not a surprise Peeta did better than me with his partners smiling and doubling over laughing at times. I gave him a look of false jealousy whenever our eyes met.

The song ended and I was released from my current admirer. A thought suddenly accrued to me, these are the men that would happily pay for me if it was available for them to do so.

"Is it my turn for the pleasure of your company sweetheart?" Haymitch brought me back to reality.

"Nothing would make me happier." My sickly sweet voice I normally reserve for the people from the Capitol makes us both laugh as he takes me in his embrace to dance.

"You look almost happy tonight." I consider what he is saying and as I always tent to do with Haymitch I answer truthfully.

"I am almost happy, I think it must be going home tomorrow." He looks over his shoulder to Peeta.

"Nothing like a cosy train ride to make you happy." He can read me like a book, he always knows what's going on in my head, maybe even better than I do at times.

My blush is all the answer he needs to continue. "I have to say I can't wait for the wedding either. Make him happy sweetheart, he deserves a good wife. Unfortunately, he is getting you."

"Shut it, Haymitch and let me dance with my girl." I hadn't seen Peeta approach us but was glad to be rescued from another one of Haymitch's talks of how Peeta is better than me.

Still stinging from the insult I practically push Haymitch away. Scowling at him I reply. "Be careful or I will marry you."

"Now that is a threat even I would heed." Haymitch leaves grinning in the direction of the bar and I turn to Peeta, both of us beaming.

Like magic the music slows and Peeta holds me closer. I place my head on his shoulder and we sway to the beat. Closing my eyes I can almost pretend we are not at this party and relax in my perfect moment. A ball of energy is stirring deep down in my insides. Every time Peeta lets out a breath of air into my hair it gets more intense.

I am nearly completely lost in us when a small weasel of a man interrupts us. I blink my eyes open as he speaks. "The President would like to see you both right away."

"Of course," Peeta answers, takes my hand and leads the way.

We are led to a large office where the President is sitting behind a hefty desk. The weasel man leaves us and closes the door. I look at Peeta for some answers but he just shrugs in a reply.

"Come in, take a seat." Snow's friendly exterior is not convincing me to relax.

We sit in the two chairs in front of his desk but remain holding hands.

Snow smirks at the connecting limbs. "It certainly is hard to separate you two." I just nod and wait for him to continue. "I am afraid that is precisely what I have asked you to see me about."

"I'm sorry sir, I don't understand." I am so happy with Peeta. I hear people say all the time that he would not have survived the games if it wasn't for me but I would not have survived the Capitol without him.

"I need one of you to help here in the Capitol for two weeks." He looks smug. I would kill this man if I could.

"Help with what?" I spoke up this time but I forgot my sweet voice in my irritation.

"The wedding of course, I have a long list of interviews and appearances. I have managed to fit them into a two week period for your convenience but I am afraid it is necessary. The citizens are intrigued by the planning process." I couldn't argue with him, all anybody has been interested in all night is the wedding.

"Why only one of us, can't we both stay?" an amused expression flicks across his face. Snow had anticipated my question.

"I am afraid not. Katniss I need you in District 12. We are going to do some promos of you getting ready with your mother and sister. Also preparing your new home for Peeta's return, I understand that is a tradition in 12?" he was right the women of the bride's family usually cleaned and prepared the new home before the couple moved in together.

I just nod but its Peeta's turn to question. "Its three weeks till the wedding and you said I am only needed for two. Do I stay here now or come back next week?"

"I think a week in District 12 will refresh you nicely for the upcoming events, you will return in a week." Snow had an air of finality to his voice and looked pleased when we didn't argue. I wanted to argue but it would do no good and we both knew it.

Peeta would come home with me tomorrow for a week and then he had to return to the Capitol alone. I squeezed his hand as if I could somehow keep him safe by doing so.

-0-

It was always a strange sensation of leaving the Capitol. I knew the next time I would do so I would be legally Mrs Mellark but that would be "not real." If and when we are ready to get married Peeta and I will have a traditional toasting and that will be "real."

We were hidden away in our room just like on our arriving journey. Only this time instead of Peeta sketching away and me napping, we were stealing kisses from each other between sentences.

"How are we going to sleep alone again?" I leaned in to kiss him each time we did so the heat was building and it was taking us longer to break apart.

"I know we have never spent so long in the Capitol before. It is going to be harder to adjust again but it will only be three weeks."

I am on his lips as soon as he finishes talking. My hands are attracted like magnets to his hair. Peeta's hands are on my face. His lips are so sure and familiar now parting mine and slipping his tongue into my mouth. It's slow and sensual. The jolt in my insides bursts into flames, I am getting so hot.

Peeta is the one that pulls away first but as soon as I get enough air I crawl on top of him and attach myself to his lips again. I am so eager for his touch I let out a moan as his large hands move down my back. I can feel him smile against me lips and I am suddenly embarrassed by my actions.

I slow my kiss to a stop, giving him one more peck before I open my eyes.

I hope I remember this view for the rest of my life. Peeta looks so happy lying under me his blue eyes are heavy and relaxed. I kiss him softly again.

"Can we just stay in this room forever?" he just laughs off my question and adjusts me as he sits up so we are side by side with his arms around me on the bed.

"I thought you wanted to take it slow?"

"I do, we are taking it slow, aren't we?" I am not sure anymore I never had a relationship before but I am comfortable with the speed we are travelling at. At least I am comfortable with the speed of our real relationship.

"Katniss, if we stay in this room much longer I will not be able to promise you anything." His voice is husky and I bit my lip at the thought of the link between his tone and his arousal.

Peeta stands and gives me a light kiss on the forehead. "I am going for a cold shower before dinner." He heads for the bathroom and I lay back on the bed happy that I may be able to figure out men after all.

Gale?

Why did he have to pop in my head when I am so happy? I would be home tomorrow and I would have to see him. That's if he wanted to see me.

How do I tell him my relationship with Peeta is now real? Haymitch had warned me Snow has cameras and spies everywhere even in the Districts. So a conversation about how my relationship was false, but now is real will be impossible. Maybe it was even my conversations with Gale and my mother about it when we returned from our games originally that had given Snow his suspicions about it.

I am pretty sure my mother will still not let Peeta sleep over either way. I can see myself spending time with Haymitch in my near future especially, when Peeta returns to the Capitol alone


	12. Home Sweet Home

**Thank you for all the reviews and fallows. Please keep them coming.**

 **Asherah Isa** **thank you for being my beta even while on vacation.**

My Mother and Prim are at the station to greet us. I run to Prim ignoring my mother. Our relationship is a lot better, we even had some heart to heart talks but I know she will not be happy about the engagement.

"Katniss we are going to the Capitol with you next time." I had forgotten a big Capitol wedding would mean Prim in the Capitol. The last thing I ever wanted was her in that evil place.

"We'll see, little duck." I want to put off wedding talk with my mother as long as possible.

Peeta appears behind us with our bags. "Mrs Everdeen, how have you been?"

I could tell he was making an extra effort to get into her good graces but I also knew it was a waste of time. She was not happy with us pretending to date; now we were pretending to get married.

"Peeta, is there no one here to greet you?" her tone was cold, I gave her a look to say 'cut it out'.

"Everyone that matters to me was on the train, Mrs Everdeen." I see the look of satisfaction on his face knowing she couldn't argue with him.

To his mother, Peeta was just another set of hands to knead the dough. He did love his family but with his mother and his brothers, work came first. Peeta took after his father but he was under his wife's rule and I was sure, he was not given time off to greet him today.

It was a short walk to the Victors' Village from the station. Peeta carried our bags with Haymitch as I walked ahead with my mother and Prim.

When we arrived at our house my mother turned to the men. "Haymitch, would you like to come for some supper tonight?"

"I would be delighted Mrs. Everdeen." He tips an imaginary hat and turns for his house.

"Peeta, will you come to dinner too?" Prim asks before I can, I'll have to thank her later.

"Thank you Prim, If your mother does not mind I would love to come too." All three sets of eyes fall on my mother.

"Very well, we will see you later then." With that she goes into the house.

I look to Prim trying to communicate to her to leave too but she is not budging. She is looking up smiling at Peeta.

"What is up with you little duck?" she is acting a little odd.

"I always wanted a brother. You have always been great but a brother would have been fun too." She is still beaming at Peeta while she talks.

"You know Prim I have always wanted a little sister too. I think we will have great fun together."

I think my feelings for Peeta just doubled.

Everything he just said to Prim was saturated in honesty. Peeta will love and Protect Prim as a big brother. I couldn't wait for Prim to go inside so, I lean in and kiss him right in front of her.

When I look down Prim is smiling although looking embarrassed to have witnessed our kiss. I let go of Peeta and take Prim by the hand.

"I guess we will see you later." Peeta looks happy as we leave him to enter our house.

-0-

I had spent most of the afternoon hiding out in my room with Prim. It felt so good to be with her again. She had grown up some, not only in size but also in maturity.

She let me know the gossip around the District although it was all very innocent school girl gossip about people I barely knew, until she told me about Rory who was Gale's little brother.

Gale was teaching him to hunt. Gale had to work full time in the mines now and even though this meant more money for the family it still didn't cover everything. So Gale had set some simple traps not too deep in the woods and had also shown Rory where to get the berries too.

I would happily give Gale and his mother some money and Prim had said she had sneaked some to his mother when she took them cheese from her goat but Gale was too proud to take it out straight.

I tried to ask casually how Gale was doing but Prim's new wise eyes seen right through me.

"He works a lot and when he is not in the mines he is in the forest hunting or training Rory. I think he misses you when you are gone but he has been spending time with Madge too, so maybe not too much."

I am shocked to hear he has been spending time with Madge but at least she is bearable compared to some of the other girls our age. She had always been my friend and Peeta liked her too maybe it would be ok if this was Gale's choice of bride. Maybe all four of us could be friends.

The doorbell rang and as I descended the stairs I felt like everything was fitting into place. It was just coming to dinner time so I was shocked when it wasn't Haymitch or Peeta but Gale at the door.

I was happy to see him since hearing Prim's run down of how he had been in my absence.

"Hey Catnip, How was your trip?" Gale appears pleased to see me too. Everything was really going to be ok. I wasn't going to lose my best friend.

"I have been well. The Capitol was so busy but I get to be home now for three weeks. How has it been in the mines?" My excitement comes across in my voice.

"Hard, the mines are hard but we have managed to not take any more handouts this year which will help as it is Rory's name in the bowl now." I try not to think of the boy who looks so much like a little Gale being reaped and coming to the Capitol with me on the train to die.

I close my eyes as all sorts of images start to flicker in my head. A single tear goes down my cheek.

"Katniss, what is wrong?" I know it's Peeta even before I am enveloped in his arms. "What did you do Hawthorne?" Peeta sounds angry.

"Gale did nothing wrong, Peeta, it is just me I couldn't stop my mind wondering off. It's ok I am fine." I answer before Gale can as I know he will be annoyed over Peeta's question.

"What triggered it?" Peeta was ignoring Gale huffing in the hallway and only focusing on me.

"Gale just mentioned Rory, his brother and before I knew it we were taking him to the games watching him die." I could see Gale stiffen at my statement. I am sure the thought of his little brother in the games scared him too.

"It's ok Kat, we have time before the reaping." Peeta held me tighter as he placed a kiss in my hair.

Gale looks sick at his actions. "So, I just wanted to welcome you home Catnip, I better go home for dinner."

"Gale why don't you stay for supper too, makes it an even number?" My mom was in the hall now too.

"Sure it would be nice to stay for supper but I came straight from the mine could I wash up first?" my mom is a little too happy at his acceptance and leads him to the bathroom.

"How was your afternoon?" I ask Peeta.

"Boring I sat in the house passing time till I could see you." I frowned it upset me his family hadn't visited him yet.

"I'm sorry, what did I say wrong?" He thinks he had been the one to upset me.

"I just hoped your family might come to see you, but don't worry I have a sister in the kitchen who will be over the moon to see you have arrived." I took Peeta to the kitchen.

"Peeta you're early." Prim leaves the stove and jumps into him for a hug. I laugh at the sudden closeness of them. They actually look more like siblings then Prim and I. Both with similar blue eyes and blonde hair. I love Prim so much. Everything about her is perfect.

-0-

Dinner was an interesting affair. I was seated between Gale and Peeta while Prim was between Peeta and Haymitch leaving my mother between Gale and Haymitch.

Prim monopolised Peeta most of the night that left him too occupied to hear my mother's less than polite remarks. Gale was not much better with talk of revolution and war but all I could hear was fighting and death. Every so often Peeta would squeeze my hand under the table for reassurance.

We went most of the meal without a mention of the wedding. I had been naive enough to hope it would not come up. When it did my mother muttered about it being a step too far and Gale went silent suddenly finding the china pattern fascinating.

I had enough and stood up without warning taking Peeta's arm with me. "Do you all think I am a fool? I made a choice. I choose Peeta. What I am doing is not just to keep us safe." I lift our holding hands. "But the rest of you as well." I let go of Peeta and left for my room.

-0-

I waited till everyone had left and I heard my mom and Prim go through their night time routine and finally go to bed. It had been a hard day. Coming home was always hard. No one here could understand the Capitol, the way the people acted and the constant games they played.

I was still mad at my mom over her comments at dinner maybe this is why I had no guilt about sneaking out to see Peeta.

I went out the door from the kitchen and left it unlocked. It was only ten feet from my back door to Peeta's. I could see his kitchen light on and knocked on the back door. He had it opened in seconds and me up in a bear hug in even less time.

"Are you ok?" it was a whisper in my ear and I felt it was as much to make him feel better as it was for me.

"I'm good" with that he put me down and the aroma of the room filled my nose. Peeta was baking.

"If it's not Katniss, the fastest girl in District 12, I am going to keep count of how many times you run out of a room." Haymitch is here too.

"Aw the gangs all back together." I sit down and he pours me a drink.

"You two take it easy I am not spending all night looking after you." Peeta is over at the oven looking disapprovingly at us.

"Why don't you put down the bread and have a drink with us." It's Haymitch that suggests it but I have to admit I like the idea of Peeta just relaxing for a night.

"If I do that who will put you to bed?"

"Stop sounding like our mother and come sit down and unwind." It is me this time and he turns to look at me. I smile and pat the empty chair.

"Just one or Two." He takes the bread out of the oven and comes to join us.

An hour later we have two empty whisky bottles and three drunken victors. I can't even remember why we are laughing. Peeta puts his hand out to me and I put mind in his. He pulls me over to him and I sit on his lap.

"Sing for us Katniss." he demands rather than asks.

"No, I am too tired. We should go to bed." I reply trying to wiggle from his arms.

"I am still hear you know, go on Katniss sing for us." Haymitch pleading is my undoing.

" Deep in the meadow, under the willow  
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow  
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes  
And when you awake, the sun will rise.

Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you.

Deep in the meadow, hidden far away  
A cloak of leaves, A moonbeam ray,  
Forget your woes and let your troubles lay  
And when again it's morning, they'll wash away.

Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you."

When I am finished the boys are completely silent. It's the same song I sang to Rue. The memories are too much and I start to silently cry.

"Now I think it is time for bed. Goodnight you two and please Katniss try to make it right with your mother, they just don't understand, no one can."

Haymitch was right it wasn't her fault and also it was time for bed I silently lead Peeta to his room. In three weeks it would be our room. That idea suddenly doesn't feel so bad anymore.


	13. Chapter 13

Gale's POV

I am first awake in the house. I tip toe out of the room I share with Rory and Vick, if I wake them they will want to know where I am going.

I had to get outside, it is the only place I can think straight and I needed to think about what I had seen last night. Katniss was different. It felt like every time she went to the Capitol, I lose a piece of her. No, that's not right; it wasn't lost, Peeta had it.

It was agony standing by watching the girl you love fall for someone else. I refuse to believe that Katniss is lost to me yet. I am not even sure if the wedding would damper my feelings. Katniss was always my girl. Katniss will always be my girl.

I have pictured us together a hundred times. Not just sexually although I thought about that a lot. We would have such a happy warm home. Imagine how well we would do with both of us being able to provide so well for our children.

Children!

I wanted them so bad. I already felt like a dad, the way I have had to look after my family and Katniss is the same, she has been more of a mother to Prim than a sister. We would have the luckiest kids.

Without noticing I have already made my way to the Everdeen home. It's still early but I can see a light on in the kitchen so I go to the back door. I was expecting to be greeted by Katniss but instead it is Mrs Everdeen.

"Gale what are you doing here so early?" she is smiling despite her question.

"I just came to see if Katniss wanted to hunt this morning. It's the only day I can go out with work now."

"Sure come in. Katniss is still in her room but I am sure she would love to go hunt. I haven't seen her since last night so it is probably better if you go wake her yourself." She continues to work on a herb mix as I head for the stairs.

I tap softly on Katniss's bedroom door.

No Answer.

"Catnip it's me, Gale." I knock again.

No answer.

I turn the handle as quiet as I can and peek into her room.

She is not here maybe she slept with Prim. I go across the hall and tap the door lightly. "Catnip, are you in there?"

Finally the door opens but it is Prim looking sleepy I look over her shoulder to see an empty bed. Katniss didn't sleep here last night either. I suddenly know where I should look next and without any explanation to Prim I run down the stairs and out onto the street.

I go to Peeta's back door knowing I have the best chance it will be unlocked. It is unlocked; I make my way through the kitchen. It smells like stale alcohol. I look about me to see the empty bottles and glasses about the room.

I go straight for the stairs and what would be Mrs. Everdeen's room next door. As Peeta lived alone I supposed his room would be the biggest. I was right, tucked beneath his arm was Katniss, my Katniss. I looked at them for a moment before the temper took me over. I am so mad I can feel my arms shaking.

"Katniss" I basically growl at her. "Katniss get up."

At the sudden noise in the room both shot up alert looking about. When Peeta's arms shield Katniss from any danger there might be I let out a snort. Like she needed him to protect her, she had saved his life more than once in the games. He is just some soft merchant boy that wouldn't last a winter on the Seam.

"What are you doing Gale?" she rubbed her eyes with her hand.

"What am I doing? Why the hell are you sleeping here with him?" I knew they had gotten close but I had at least assumed that Peeta would wait till they were married. He always was a goody goody.

"That is none of your business. Why are you here?" she was actually getting angry with me. She was sleeping around and yet I am the one in the wrong.

"I came to see if you would like to come hunt today but you seem to have other things on your agenda today." I look back at Peeta, his hands are resting around Katniss now.

"Gale, it's not what it looks like we just sleep better in each other's company." Peeta pulls back the covers to reveal that they are both fully dressed.

"You don't have to explain anything to him Peeta." Katniss interrupts him. "Gale you can apologise to Peeta while I go home and get ready to go hunt." She gets up to leave.

"Apologise for what?" What the hell, he is in bed with my girl and I have to say sorry?

"Start with breaking into his house and continue with every word you have muttered since." Was she serious?

Katniss left and I looked at Peeta. Ha there is no way I was going to apologise to him. He didn't appear to be waiting for one either. I turned and went down stairs into the kitchen. Should I follow Katniss to her house or would she meet me here.

Peeta enters the room behind me. "Gale we need to talk about some things." I snort again as I turn. The baker boy looks like the cat that got the cream. I just wanted to hit him. Seeing him in bed with Katniss was worse than having to see her play his girlfriend on TV.

"I have nothing to say to you." I tried to sound civil. I failed

"Well I have things to say to you." Peeta wasn't backing down. God he was annoying.

"I don't want to hear anything you have to say either." With that I left and waited for Katniss outside.

It wasn't long until she came across the garden to where I stood. It was like going back in time. Katniss was wearing her dad's old coat and her hair in a braid. She looked like the girl from the Seam that was my best friend. This was my Catnip, not Peeta's Capitol mutt.

The morning spent hunting was pure bliss. We didn't talk much but for us it was always what wasn't said that counted. We were comfortable being alone together. A flash of her asleep in bread boy's arms passed through my head. She was comfortable with him too; even I had to admit this.

We stopped at our little spot in the forest. This was as much out of routine than anything else. That's when Katniss looked at me her eyes twinkling. My mouth watered at the idea of her kissing me, rubbing her body against mine.

"I got a surprise for you." Her words take me out of my daydream.

"Oh yeah." I cough a little my voice gone husky. Man I want her so bad.

Her eyes widen and it's a moment before she speaks. "I think we better go back. I need to go home."

"Catnip stop, what's the matter? Show me your surprise." She looks spooked, like she may dash off at any sudden noise or movement.

"It's …. It's…. I brought you cookies" she reaches into her bag and takes out a parcel wrapped in brown paper. As she opens the wrapping I know exactly where they came from. Peeta was known for his delicate icing, he was such a little girl with all the delicate icing and painting.

"Why do you sleep with him?" Katniss looks baffled by my question but I couldn't help it. I needed to try to understand why my girl was in his bed.

She exhales loudly. "When I sleep next to Peeta I don't get as many nightmares. He gets them too, he understands them and knowing he'll be there when I wake up screaming makes it easier to get to sleep to begin with."

"I would be there for you too." I wouldn't care if I was woken ever god damn night of my life if I was waking up to her.

"I know you would but it's not the same. I need Peeta." She looks at the ground as she talks. When I don't answer; when I can't answer she turns and walks away and I let her go.

I will find a way to prove to her I can be good for her. I will be better than Peeta Mellark could ever be for her.

Katniss' POV

It was the perfect morning until the point that Gale stopped being my best friend and became some jealous suitor. I was so excited about the cookies I had gotten from Peeta, Gale has a sweet tooth and I knew they would be a real treat.

In my limited experience with the opposite sex I have picked up very little but one thing I have definitely picked up about Peeta is when he is aroused his voice goes all deep and husky. Where all men affected like this I wasn't sure but Gale had just acted as if he was doing an impression of Peeta horny. The way his eyes burned into me and he was licking his lips a lot too.

Then he was asking all those questions about Peeta. At least I was honest with him, I told him I needed Peeta, not him. I hope that's the last of it and we can just get on with being friends. I hated seeing Gale hurt. I would do anything to remove that look of disappointment from his face. That's why I fled, what would anything consist of?

When I reach the Victors' village I make my way to Peeta's house, instead of mine. At first Peeta doesn't appear to be home until I hear him shuffle upstairs. He is the nosiest man I have ever met. I silently make my way to him, as I open the door to the back room I see that it's his painting room.

Peeta is standing with his back to me shirtless, his jeans hanging dangerously low. His curls are messy without the Capitol product holding them in place. I watch the muscles in his shoulders and back move as he paints. I can't imagine that what he is painting is a more beautiful sight than my present view.

He still doesn't know I am in the room. I wasn't trying to be overly quiet but it might just be that he is caught up in his work. I creep closer until I can see over his shoulder and onto the canvas. It's the twins. They look so happy, so at peace, it's beautiful. I let out the breath I didn't even notice I was holding and Peeta only turns his face to see me not even a foot away from him.

We don't say anything. I step forward and lay my chin on his naked shoulder, my arms snake around his waist. I try to take in every detail on the canvas. How does Peeta capture his subjects with such grace and beauty? It's not that he changed the twins to make them look better but somehow brought out their best qualities. As if he was somehow painting their personalities.

"I am going to give it to their mother." Peeta breaks the silence but his statement has me speechless. It was maybe the most amazing thing he could have done. "I will do one of the brothers too but I might not finish before I have to go back to the Capitol."

"I don't want you to go." With that he put down his brush and turned in my arms till he was facing me, his hands on my checks. My chest starts to rise and fall faster as my heart races. Peeta finds my lips ready and greedy for his. My hands move up his back as I try to pull him even closer to me. The heat in my body is generating from deep in my gut. Right now in this moment I feel a need for Peeta.

We break apart in need of some air and I moan as I press myself closer. Peeta is kissing just under my ear, nipping slightly on my flesh. I gasp as he suddenly picks me up, his hands on my ass while I wrap my legs around his waist. Our lips meet again and before I know it Peeta is laying me on his bed.

I can feel Peeta's hard erection pressing against me, rubbing in all the right places and my underwear is getting damp from the action. Peeta's hands are on my shirt pulling it up over my bra. His lips are finding new areas across my breasts and down my stomach. My hands are in my own hair as little kisses are placed along the top of my pants and for a moment I don't think he is going to stop there. For a moment I don't want him to stop there but he does moving back slowly up my body till his mouth is on mine again.

Our pace slows becoming gentler, filled with a stronger emotion then the lust we just experienced. Eventually Peeta rolls over and drops on the bed beside me. My eyes follow him and when he looks at me, I pout. I didn't want him to stop just yet.

"I think I better go to the Capitol or you may not be a maiden at our wedding." I can only bit my lip as a response. It's true I would not have stopped Peeta from taking it further than was proper. It is a shock to me to admit I wanted him to go further too.

We had agreed that our wedding night didn't mean anything but as I try to fight the urge to climb on top of the heavy breathing with Peeta beside me I wonder if it might just be more traditional than we intended.


	14. I love you

**Sorry I am so late with this update but I am still writing just please be patient with me and I will get you another new chapter soon. Don't forget to review**

I spent most of the week lounging around my kitchen watching my Mother and Prim go about their day to day life. Peeta was working most days at the bakery and Gale full time in the mine I found myself a little bored.

I had only intended going to town as something to do but as I passed the mayors house I decided to go see Madge. I was shown to the formal living room while the maid went to summon Madge. I liked Madge, she wasn't silly like a lot of the girls our age yet she was prettier than most of us and her father was the mayor so she had more than most of us too.

"Katniss! How are you?" I hadn't seen a lot of Madge since we had dinner here to start the victory tour, she was so easy to be around I am happy I paid her a visit already.

"I am actually really good but my life is all televised. What's new with you?" I did not want to talk about the wedding.

"Not a lot really. I am working in my dad's office now but honestly I hate it. I don't see many people our age at all. I actually think I miss school." We both laugh as she finishes. We both thought school was a waste of time. "I would much rather talk about your wedding."

"ugg, I would much rather talk about your paper work."

"That bad but you have to be excited about marring Peeta." She was right I was looking forward to being able to stay with Peeta and not being called a harlequin of sorts. I blush a little thinking of how full on we had been yesterday. "Or is there nothing left to look forward to?"

"No I have not, we have not, I am not er… we have something to look forward to." Madge is laughing at me. "What about you, anybody interesting about?"

It's her turn to blush now and I hope I know why. "My dad wants me to marry soon; he has introduced me around all the eligible men even Peetas older brothers."

"Ha we could be sisters." I like the idea of Madge and me being sisters but then I think of the two older Mellark brothers. I don't know them well but I always thought of them as more like their witch of a mother than Peeta. Madge screws up her nose. "Maybe not, who do you like?"

"I like me." She looks down and blushes a little. "My dad wants my future to be secure, he wants me to be Mayor one day and I need the right family behind me."

I really feel for Madge I know what it's like to have no freedom. I can't even pick my own wedding dress but at least I approve of the groom. Madge will need a husband the whole district will look up to and respect. Gale is well liked but being the Mayors husband was not for him. I wish I could find someone for him.

"Do you want to be Mayor?" I know it's what her dad wants for her but it's not life or death if she refused him.

"I don't know what else is there for me to do?" she looks confused at my question. Madge was so used to life in twelve she couldn't imagine challenging the never ending cycle. If you lived on the Seam you went to work in the mines or stayed home to look after the children. If you were a merchant you would pass your trade on to your children and they would take over your store when the time came.

Like Peeta and the bakery. Peeta would never have had to work in the mine like Gale; he would have taken over the bakery with his brothers. Madge would take over the role of Mayor from her father.

What if she wanted to do something else like run a dress store? Would the town approve of it and who would be Mayor if not an Undersee?

"Suppose your right but if you were to marry for love who would it be?" Madge shifts uncomfortably in her chair.

"I do like someone but he is in love with someone else. Anyway he is not interested in me." I am intrigued immediately.

"How do you know he doesn't feel for you too?" I don't want to give up hope on love for Madge."

"When he is with me he only talks about her. Even though she is taken he wants to fight for her. He is sure she loves him too." She looks at me as if I have the answers to this poor boys riddles.

"That's silly. If she loved him she would be with him, he needs to forget her and start to notice you." As I finish Madge is noticeable more happy. I wish I knew how other girls minds work why you would hold onto some poor boy when he could be with someone who loves him.

"I agree" Madge adds but it's time for me to go.

Madge has work to do so I am left to amuse myself. I seem to be the only person without anything to occupy my time.

-0-

It was the night before Peeta had to leave for the Capital. My mother, Prim and I where invited to the Mellark's for dinner. To say I was shocked at the gesture was an understatement. My relationship with Peeta had never been acknowledged by his mother.

I am standing in my room scrutinising my outfit. My nerves are on overdrive. I know this woman does not like me and I do not like her. If she dares to insult or demean Peeta or my family tonight I will not be able to stop myself from putting her in her place once and for all.

A light rap on the door brings my attention to the present. I turn in time to see Prim enter. "It's nearly time to leave are you ready?" Prim has gotten so tall she is wearing one of my capital dresses. A pink girly creation, that was for the victory tour. It's still too big for her as she still has the figure of a girl rather than a woman but she looks beautiful in it.

"Ready as I'll ever be." I manage a smile. "Why do I feel like I am going to the games again?"

"Because you are over dramatic" Prim laughs off my distress and I can't help laugh with her too.

"Am I interrupting?" Peeta is standing in the door way to my room. He looks breath taking. I wish the capital stylist could see him like this. I know his suit is from the Capital but it is the carefree way his curls fall that adds the extra … I suppose its sexiness.

Prim is the one to answer as she departs the room. "Not at all, I was just going to see how mother is getting on."

Alone now he closes the distance between us and gives me a warm gentle kiss. "You look ready. We should leave before I change that!"

O god I want him to change it. Peeta is smirking at me like he knows that is what I am thinking. My mouth speaks without my permission. "I want to have a toasting at the wedding." His eyes widen in shock searching my face for conformation of my announcement.

"Katniss are you sure?" Peeta ever the gentleman making sure I mean it. "Real?"

His voice is all husky and it is my body's reaction to this that convinces me I am sure. With my mouth watering I answer him. "Yes,real. I am sure. I want you."

Peeta takes me in his arms and squeezes me so tight. "I love you Katniss. I am going to make you the happiest wife there ever was."

"I love you Peeta." Is all I can manage but I want to tell him how happy I already am and that I want to make him happy too.

The rest of the night went by in a blur but I do remember his mother being extra rude and his brothers are just a pair of pigs. Thank god Madge isn't going to marry one of them. Peeta's father seamed afraid to speak to my mother and every time he did his wife would glare at them.

On our way home Prim linked my mother and walked her ahead of Peeta and I. I owe her a lot for working as a distraction for us from my mother. We will have to have some sister time when Peeta goes tomorrow.

Peeta is leaving tomorrow.

I hold his hand a little tighter. He notices and looks down at me. "You ok?"

"No"

"Well then you have to tell me what I can do?" his tone is one of humour.

"Stay" mine is one of desperation. I have never been separated from Peeta since the games. Sure we didn't always see each other as much as we do now but the thought of him being in the Capital alone was killing me.

Peeta closes his eyes slowly and swallows a few times before answering me. "I have to go you know that. But I will _always_ come back to you."

"Then can I stay with you tonight?" We have arrived at his house and I can't leave him knowing he won't be here tomorrow night.

"Always" is all he says and leads me up to his front door. My mother and Prim are already inside my house. I am sure my mother knows I have been sneaking out to stay with Peeta but tonight I can't even put the effort in to pretend. Besides after he leaves on the train tomorrow the next time I see him will be our wedding and after the developments of earlier tonight it will be a real wedding.

-0-

 **Peeta pov**

I always hated this train station but today it is unbearable. The train arrived about a half an hour ago. A whole camera crew exited and started to go to work straight away. I wanted to say so much to Katniss before she had to leave but having a camera in your face was a bit of a mood killer.

I held onto her hand while I said my awkward goodbyes to my family which now definitely included my little sister Prim. In fact I think she is the sadist person here besides my beautiful fiancée. I hadn't called Katniss that before but since she asked me to marry her properly last night it feels right now.

My emotions were all over the place. I was euphoric at the fact Katniss had told me she loves me and wants me too but now I have to leave her for two weeks. I must try to focus on the fact that at the end of the two weeks she will be my wife. I will have the girl of my dreams in my arms forever.

A hand lands on my shoulder "time to go Peeta." Its Effie ready to take me away. I pull Katniss close. Place my hand under her chin to force her to face me. I can see she is holding back tears. Katniss is far too stubborn to cry for the entertainment of the Capital. I place a light kiss on her cheek but as I move back her hands are around my neck and pull me in for a much deeper kiss.

"I love you" her voice is only a whisper but I feel every word. "You must remember that"

"Always"

I have no choice. I turn and board the train. Letting go of all I love.


	15. Alone with other people

**Sorry about how long it took me to update. I had serious writers block but I know where I want this story to go its just getting it there. Please review I take them all in**

Katniss' POV

"Always"

I lay on the sofa in my living room. It was late in the evening now but I was still recovering from saying goodbye to Peeta.

"Always"

His final farewell was still echoing in my mind as I contemplate its full meaning. I would always be his and he would always be mine. I do truly love Peeta and I can't wait to marry him but I am afraid we are still rushing our real relationship. We have never really discussed the future, what we want or need.

I have no doubt we will have all we want in terms of food or warmth. Our victor's salaries would cover us for life as long as we did whatever pleased Snow. We had so little freedom in our lives I wanted to make sure I took my time with the decisions I was allowed to make for myself.

Peeta and I have progressed so fast that we haven't talked out the small print of our marriage. One topic in particular is on my mind.

Children!

Would Peeta want me to have his child or would he like me be scared from the experience of the games so bad that he would never risk having a child in danger of competing? The thought of having to mentor my own child brings the taste of bile in my mouth.

Even if this never happened the thought that Snow would take great pleasure renting our child out for play dates and parties is enough for me to abstain.

My mood was already souring with the train of thought I was on when Gale arrived in the room. He had his old hunting bag over his shoulder and it looked packed as if he was going on a trip somewhere.

"Gale hi, what are you doing here so late? We already had dinner." Maybe my mother had invited him over without telling me.

"I was thinking with Peeta gone you might need help… mm… going to sleep." He looked sheepish as he spoke.

"I am going to sleep with Prim." A flash of disappointment appears just for a second on his face.

"Good then I can sleep in your bed rather than the couch and if you need me you will know where I am." He was intending to stay with me. He intended to replace Peeta by my side at night.

"Gale I'll be ok. I have Prim to calm me down most of my nightmares are about her being in harm and I am sure having her there will help me."

"Just to be safe I think I'd prefer to stay anyway." With that he sat on the chair opposite me. I sat up too feeling out of place lying down.

It had been awkward between Gale and me lately. Every time we are alone like this I can feel the tension in the room. I wish it was normal again between us. I wish he was still my best friend but now I that I feel he wants more than I can give him it just does not feel like it should. Thankfully the need to make small talk was interrupted by the TV flicking on.

It was the mandatory nightly news. It was not so much that you had to watch just that it had to be on. Right now I was happy to watch although regularly I would take this time to go for a walk or stay to mock what the Capitol called news.

The first couple of stories were more of the same dribble as usual. Snow helps the poor District folks. Prosperity is at an all-time high and my personal favourite District workers are happy to keep the Capitol thriving.

It is always strange to see your own face on the screen but this was harder than normal because I was still hurting from Peeta's absence. Our intimate goodbye was being aired for the whole nation to pick apart as the host describes details of our upcoming wedding and how coverage of both mine and Peeta's preparations were to be closely covered in the coming weeks.

All I could see, all I cared about was seeing Peeta. I already knew he was handsome but being able to see the absolute love in his eyes from this different perspective was absolutely overwhelming. A tear escaped the corner of my eye as a fresh wave of pain travels through me.

"I am going to go take a shower and then go to bed. Feel free to stay in my room. I'll move my stuff out now I won't need it anymore." It was true Gale could have my room, I will stay with Prim till I have to go back to the Capitol and then I would be living with Peeta.

"Are you okay, Catnip?" I was trying to keep my pain hidden but I was not good at concealing anything from Gale. He knew me too well.

"Nothing a long shower can't fix, goodnight Gale." Now was not the time to get in to it. I was up the stairs and despite me claiming to want a long shower I was done and in bed in no time.

It wasn't long before Prim joined me. "I know the new house is nice but I do miss us sharing a bed."

"Me too." And it was true I missed spending time just Prim and me. "You know I am staying with you because I want to and not because Gale is in my room."

"I know but why is Gale staying?" Prim sees so much I forget she is not a kid any more.

"He wants to make sure I can sleep okay without Peeta here." I look at Prim trying to see her expression in the dark. She has been quiet a long time but finally speaks.

"You need to talk to him Kat, tell him how you feel about Peeta. Tell him it is not a ruse and you are in love. I know it sounds hard to do but it's the kindest thing for him." She was right I had to set Gale straight. If any part of him thought I would still choose him over Peeta, I needed to correct that immediately.

I went to sleep resolved to talk to Gale first thing.

-0-

I was standing on my pedestal watching the timer run down. My head swooping from left to right trying to take in as much of the arena as I could in the few seconds I have before the games start. Haymitch had told us to run and not to be allured by the cornucopia. I spot him, Peeta. He is nearly exactly opposite me.

The buzzer sounds and I know it's safe for me to move but my body won't allow me to. I am glued to my spot. My eyes lock with the amazing blue of Peeta's. Then I notice a small movement behind him, I am so completely frozen that I can't even call his name before Clove's knife makes contacts with his back. Peeta drops to his knees but only briefly before he collapses completely.

I turn to find I am no longer at the cornucopia but balanced in my tree watching the career pack and my Peeta being attacked by the tracker jacker swarm. Only it's Peeta that is being reduced to a swollen mess of human remains. I call to him but I am too late I have killed Peeta.

I drop to the ground in grieve. The sound of running water alerts me to the change in my location. I am at the river now. I look up in time to see Peeta rush to me telling me to run. I reach out to him but this time instead of Cato slicing his leg he takes his whole head clean off.

I hear the screaming first its Peeta's name over and over. It takes a few moments to realise it was me who was calling for him. I was sitting in Prim's arms. She was murmuring comforts into my ear. "Shh… It's ok… Your safe…Peeta's safe… it's ok… shh."

I was breathless I must have been screaming for a while. I was still sobbing into Prim. I know I should try to get a grip but I kept seeing Peeta die over and over again.

I am not sure how long we sat like that for but I knew I would not sleep again tonight. I feel Prim should, as she has school tomorrow and I don't want to be the cause of her being tired.

"We should try to get back to sleep." My voice is hoarse and not convincing but Prim nods her consent and we lay back down on the bed.

This is going to be a long two weeks. It's only the first night and already I need Peeta back now.

-0-

Gale's POV

I jump out of bed as I hear the screams. Knowing where I would find Katniss I make my way to Prim's room and I am about to make my entrance when I am rooted to the spot.

"Peeta… please… Peeta" it's Katniss but she is not calling for me. She knows I am the one here but it's not me she wants or needs. How have I been so naïve?

All the signs have been in front of me. Katniss wants Peeta not me.

-0-

Katniss' POV

As soon as Prim is sleeping I creep down to the kitchen. I want to make a picnic for Gale and me. My prep team will arrive today but I can still spend the morning with Gale in the forest. We need to talk and I am not sure he will want to hear what I want to tell him.

As I reach the kitchen I can see some light emitting from it. Someone is already up. I have just left Prim in bed so it must be either my mum or Gale. With all the stealth I have I creep into the kitchen. Gale is at the stove brewing some coffee. He hasn't seen me yet so I watch him. He looks tired, exhausted even. I would give anything to be able to erase those frown lines forever. If anyone ever deserved to be happy it was Gale.

"So Catnip, do you want a cuppa?" I jump as his words are directed at me. I should have known he had heard me.

"Please, but what are you doing up so early?" not that I am complaining I think I will need the time to sum up the courage to have my talk with him.

"Thought since we were both awake we could head out even earlier." I cringe at his reply. He knew I was awake, he had heard my episode.

"Great, I'll get some food then we can leave." I busy myself in the pantry.

Conversation is minimal until we arrive at our meeting spot. What I intended to be an early lunch was now being our breakfast.

"Katniss, I am sorry." The use of my given name takes me up short. Wait what? Sorry… what does he mean? My confusion must be painted on my face because Gale continues without a reply. "I would have backed off sooner if I had known it was Peeta you wanted."

O god this is awkward. I want to answer but my mouth is sealed shut by the embarrassment. My cheeks are on fire.

"I am not saying that I don't love you because I do but I know now it's the townie you want."

To release some of the heat swelling in my head from the sheer mortification of the moment I open my mouth but it's so dry I only end up gaping like a fish.

"I think it was the idea of us being so alike that made me think we would be a good match but I see now it's because we are so alike that it would never work."

I find myself wondering have I kept a journal with my thoughts in it and somehow Gale has found and read it because this is exactly what I would say if I did.

"You need someone like him. Bread boy is soft, delicate. All the baking and painting he does. It will be like you're the man in the relationship and he can stay home with the kids."

Until he said that, that is a hundred precent Gale.

"Peeta, his name is Peeta." It was the anger that made me speak.

"Calm down Catnip, that's my point here you are defending him again. Maybe he will carry the babies too."

"No he won't, even if he could Peeta is all man." I bit my lip not wanting to talk about my future family or lack thereof with Gale before Peeta.

"Really I never knew you were so keen for motherhood, the poor kittens."

I didn't mean to say it out loud but I was in a full rage now. "I am never going to have a child." I was shouting now and Gale got a nervous look about him. We were deep into the woods but we never made this much noise unnecessarily.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to get angry I'm just tired." Sheepishly I sit back down and we continue to eat.


	16. missing you

I was late home despite leaving early that morning. I was only getting into the bath when my prep team were at the door. I couldn't help it, things felt so right between Gale and me; I never wanted to come home. It was like the games never happened we were best friends again. Only adding to my euphoria was the fact that Gale had done all the talking, he fixed us without a word from me.

Gale was right about almost everything. We could never work, we were too alike. Peeta and I were so different and yet the perfect fit. I could still wring Gale's neck about how he viewed Peeta. Peeta was sensitive yes, but he was my protector in so many ways. In all the ways I could never protect myself. Yes, Gale was right, he also needed someone softer than me but I would like to add that she would still need a tough side to keep him in line.

"Katniss really we need to be on air soon, hurry up." Flavius voice was panicky. It must really be getting close to air time.

"Ok but no complaining I am too grubby." I knew this was too much to ask but it was worth a try. Capital citizens don't crawl through the woods and as a result my team find it hard to deal with the unknown dirt.

I had no doubt my team could pull it off in time. I get the feeling sometimes they need to please Snow as much as we do. A half ready Katniss would never do for Capital TV.

It was just a preliminary interview about what we could expect to see on the run up to the wedding. At first I found it hard not having Peeta by my side, I even told the presenter this. That got the conversation on to how much I was missing him already. I found it easy for the first time to talk about my relationship with Peeta maybe because I was now genuine in my affection it felt more natural. When the camera switched off, I felt proud of myself and wished Peeta could be here to have seen it for himself. I hoped he had time to see it later.

My over stay in the woods also meant I had skipped lunch and I was heading for the kitchen when I was met again by Tia or as I was becoming to call her Effie 2.0. Effie herself was with Peeta in the Capitol so I was sent Tia to escort me around my own District and make sure I was on time for all my events and filmings. Tia was a brunette with yellow puffs here and there. I could not tell how old she is or even if she was older or younger than Effie, her make-up was so thick I wondered if she actually removed it every night or just toped it up in the mornings. Venia had the cheek to say my skin was dry, Tia's was so caked in powder I can't imagine a desert could be dryer.

"The crew is ready for you to take us to your old school." I get the impression Effie had warned Tia I could be difficult and to keep me on tight reins.

"Great, if I could just nip into the kitchen for a moment." I was starving.

"Sorry but they are all waiting outside already." Taking me by my upper arm she turns me to the door. Effie had definitely had a hand in this to the point if I closed my eyes it could be her hand on my arm.

As the large crew followed me to the school my cheeks where a constant shade of red, every time we passed a person they stopped and stared at us till we were out of site. A camera crew was not a everyday thing in District 12.

It only got worse as when we arrived at the school. To say I was a quiet student was an understatement. If I actually attended class I kept to myself. Often I would fall asleep, tired after being in the woods from daybreak. Most of the teaching staff didn't know I existed till the day Prim was reaped; since I didn't have to attend after the games they never had an opportunity to notice me either.

Tia caught on to this before long and after getting a few satisfactory facts about me she moved on to Peeta. Peeta was everyone's friend. The teachers all gushed about him. After the teacher interviews are done we make our way back to the victor village but before we can make it Tia had spot the bakery.

"Is this Peeta's bakery" oh no she is going to want to see it. That means we have to meet Mrs. Mellark.

"Yes but they are always very busy about now maybe you could come back later." I don't think Tia even heard me; she was already inside the store. When I entered behind the crew it was worse than I thought, Peeta's father was nowhere in sight and Tia was talking to his witch mother. I hung back not really wanting to take part in the conversation.

"Tell me, is Katniss just all you could ever want in a daughter in law?" The Capitol shrill was met by utter repulsiveness from us both but it was only Mrs. Mellark who responded.

"Well she was never our first choice but we have other sons."

Oh please stop now, say no more.

"But she is pretty I suppose if you like them dark."

By that, she means Seam dark, she means I look poor.

"Lovely, well I think we need to get back now, thank you for your time..er..Mrs. Mellark." Tia was dumbstruck.

The rest of the walk was mostly silent. Tia and her crew in shock. I made my way to the director, we were introduced earlier but I could not remember her name.

Cressida! That's it.

"Cressida, can I have a word?" I had on my camera ready politeness.

"Sure, what can I do you for?" for someone from the capital she was quite relaxed.

"The footage you just got in the bakery, could we maybe…" how do I ask her, this is the kind of drama the Capitol loves?

"What was that about anyway?" I like Cressida; she felt more like she was from a district than the capital.

"I am not sure, what they would have chosen for Peeta but I don't think Peeta has ever made a decision that wasn't wrong in her eyes." Cressida looks so full of sympathy I have to add. "Mr Mellark is one of the nicest men you will ever meet. I like him."

"Well then I think we will wait till we interview the family together before we air any footage." I beam at her. I have but one female friend to my name but I feel I could be friends with Cressida.

When we got back home my stomach was making so much noise I was sure our whole group could hear it. I went for the kitchen but was stopped mid hunt by the voice of Haymitch coming from the living room. "In here, Sweetheart"

My only response is my growling gut. I sulk into the room but am suddenly alert when I hear the next voice. "Katniss, isn't this great?" Peeta? I look up expecting to see his large mass filling the room but I am only slightly disappointed to see that he is on the TV.

I remain silently muddled so Peeta speaks again. "I can see you, can you see me?"

"yes, but how?" I know the Capitol has resources but I never seen this before.

"The camera crew brought a kit with them and set it up earlier. It's good to see you."

"I miss you, how is it there?" It is great but I am still longing to feel his arms around me.

"Same old routine, except I am not staying in the training centre but in what the other Victors call the Village. It's where the Victors that don't like to return to the districts between games live. So I am not alone." He seems happy but then Peeta was always one to make the best out of a bad situation.

Someone says something off camera I can't quite hear but Peeta's attention is divided. "Katniss I have to go."

"Ok, I love you." I pout at his early exit. I am not sure he even heard me but the screen goes black and he's gone. I look at the clock on the wall it is almost time for the news. Whatever it was he had to do, Peeta would miss it and he will probably miss my interview. I know it's silly but I wanted him to see it. To see the love I have for him in it.

Haymitch, the angel, is beside me with exactly what I needed a good stiff drink. I down it in one and he wordlessly refills my glass.

"I won't survive till the wedding without him." I don't know why but I feel Haymitch is missing him too.

"Yep the boy is your better half." He can say what he wants as long as he refills my glass.

The news flashes on the TV where just moments ago Peeta had been. It turns out my interview was not the only one tonight that they also interviewed Haymitch, Effie and Peeta.

"They got you too." I comment knowing he would feel as violated as I do with a camera crew around.

"Yep, they tried at least." We both laughed and had another drink, my hunger forgotten in the presence of the brandy.

It may have been all that alcohol on my empty belly but I found a lot of humour in the news that night.

Our relationship in the eyes of Effie was all butterflies and rainbows. We were the most romantic couple she had ever encountered. There was a tear in my eye as I laughed so hard at it. Does she even know us?

I was ok maybe not as good as I had envisioned myself to have been earlier but not a bad job after all. I do hope Peeta has seen it.

Peeta was perfect. He answered every question truthfully but yet never gave away any inside information that was only for us to know. He looked amazingly handsome too. God, it's only been a few days. I'll never make it to the wedding.

Haymitch's interview was hilarious. He spent most of the interview acting like he was unaware of whom Peeta and I were. Haymitch also made references to himself getting married soon too.

"Who have you tricked into marrying you?" I can barely ask him without laughing.

"I'll find someone one day, if you can anyone can." We both laugh out loud.

There are a couple of snorts coming from the rest of the viewers in the room. Mostly from Tia who no doubt had to manage Haymitch as well as me. I wonder how much Effie warned her about him.

I can vaguely remember Prim trying to get me to eat before bed and a longer than I would like episode of me hugging the toilet following the room spinning nonstop but that's it. One thought remains and I find myself saying it out loud.

"Two down, twelve to go."


	17. friends like you

I am awake but I am still afraid to open my eyes. The constant throb at my temples is not a new sensation and I know if I open my eyes the light will be the end of me. I feel the bed shift beside me and know its Prim getting up for school.

"Katniss, you have to get up too. Your prep team is here already, you have more filming today." Even her sweet voice was harsh in my sensitive state. "I am not sure what's worse, you drunk or you screaming." She sounded more like a woman every day.

"I don't scream with Peeta, Peeta's better." I croak out.

Resigned to the fact if I don't get up of my own free will I'll have Tia up soon. I roll off the bed barely making it to my feet before I have to dash for the toilet. At least, I am not on camera yet.

-0-

"Mom, Tia? I am ready now" I call down not willing to get bullied into breakfast on my tender stomach. Back in my room, my mind tries hard to remember what we are doing today. I really need to listen more.

My prep team pull and prod at me for nearly an hour. When I see the finished result I have no idea what they have done. I look just like I always do just a little neater.

"I look the same." My delight was painted on my face.

"The viewers want to see the real Katniss in all her district glory. That's what the ratings study says at least." Tia seamed disapproving of this but I liked it.

"So what is on the schedule today?" I cross all my fingers it won't be too unbearable.

"We want to meet your friends."

Ok this will be a quick day of filming. I've got exactly two friends Gale and Madge. Everyone else is just an acquaintance, not really worth an interview. "Ok so I suppose its Madge first as Gale is in work." I think I might actually be able to handle today.

"Gale is meeting us at the Undersee's home. He was given a day leave pass for the interviews when I realised my choices where limited." Tia looks at me disapproving as if I can suddenly change the past and have an abundance of friends just to please her.

"When are you doing Peeta's friends? That will take you a couple of days. They may need to meet in the town hall instead of crowding some poor family's home." My tone was even reminding myself of Haymitch, maybe I should cut back on the sarcasm.

"It's amusing to me how different you and Peeta are. How did you; a social outcast, ever win over Peeta." Tia was getting snappy. I'm guessing slumming it in twelve was taking its toll.

"I never was interested in Peeta. He won over me if you must know." Not being able to resist I added. "Besides I have a new very close friend I might even say they are starting to feel like a family member. I think that blooming friendship would make a good interview, don't you?"

Tia snorts her reply at me "who would that be?"

"Haymitch, of course, he is like the much older big brother I never wanted." Tia's face fell immediately and I believe it went a little green under all the makeup. Haymitch must have given her more trouble than he let on the previous day, which was working out quite well for me at the moment.

As we made our Mayor's house I found myself falling into step beside Cressida. I pointed out anywhere of particular sentimentality to me but if I was being completely honest most places I love in Twelve are beyond the fence. Without thinking about it I gaze nostalgically over at the little lane that would take us behind the merchants' shops and along the meadow that was bordered by the fence, the outer most area of twelve and the outer most area of Panem.

"What's over there?" Cressida was following my stare.

"Oh it's just the back road I would normally take. A short cut to the Seam." What I didn't say was it was also a great way of avoiding people.

"Well then I think that's the road we should take." A simple smile told me Cressida could sense I would be more comfortable on the back road.

I was almost happy when I paused just a second too long behind the bakery. I could see Tia eyeing it up. I prayed she didn't intent to go in again I didn't want Mrs Mellark ruining my day. I decided I would distract her instead. "So.. This is where Peeta first saved me."

"What here, in this dirty lane?" Tia looked down at what I am sure was a ruined pair of pumps.

"Yes, this is where I lay starving after my father died. Peeta gave me bread, I lived." I suddenly didn't want to get too personal with Tia. I am not proud of needing the help but I am happy it was Peeta who gave it to me. "Better go, don't want to keep my army of friends waiting."

I started to walk ahead but could hear Tia make remarks to Cressida as they followed. "I hope you got all that. I wouldn't want to miss all that emotion."

Our arrival at Mayor's house was announced and we were taken to the formal living room. As large as the room is, it was still a struggle to fit us all in. the two camera men were squashed tight to the wall to take in as much of the room as possible. I barely got to greet my friends when Tia was upon us, instructing us to sit down we haven't all day to do this.

I am not sure why we were low on time but to keep the peace I follow her instructions. Tia herself sat on a high backed arm chair, which left the love seat and an uncomfortable looking arm chair. While I was trying to decide if being in such close proximity to Gale would be preferable than the stiff looking chair the decision was taken out of my hands. Madge and Gale took the small two-seater. They were pressed tightly together but neither looked uncomfortable. I sat down, slightly distracted by my friends' behavior.

"Ok, let us start. Katniss we are here with your closest friends, Madge and Gale. How important were these two to you while in the games?" I am slightly put off by the question. We are here to talk about Peeta and me not the games. I need Peeta. I wish he was here, he would know what to say.

I am staring at Tia a little dumbfounded when Gale's snigger brings me back to the present. "What was the question?"

"How did these friendships affect you in the games?" Tia is annoyed and is pointing at Gale and Madge for extra influence.

I look at them and think what kind of answer I could give that would satisfy Tia and Snow. "Madge gave me my mockingjay pin. That pin made Rue trust me. Rue saved my life in the games. Without Madge, I might not have had Rue. Without Rue, I would never have found Peeta in time. Without Madge, I would not have Peeta." I've done well I can tell because Tia is calmer and Madge is wet around the eyes.

"Thank you Katniss. That means a lot." Madge blurbs out but before I can be there to comfort her Gale's arm is there rubbing her back.

"That's sweet, what about Gale?" I take it back Tia is not entirely like Effie. Effie has a heart.

"Well I knew Gale was here and because I knew if I wasn't the victor, Gale would have taken care of my family, I could take risks I never would have if I felt my sister would perish. If I didn't take the risks I may not have won." I looked down not wanting to meet anyone's eyes. It was true all of it but I have never told my best friends as much off camera and here I was telling the whole of Panem.

"What risks do you feel you would have abstained from?" my god Tia is on my nerves today maybe it is my hangover.

"I don't know, maybe going after the careers with Rue or maybe getting the backpacks at the feast. It's not like you're ever safe in the games."

Tia smirks at me "so you are saying if it wasn't for Gale you would not have gone to get the backpacks?"

"No I would have saved Peeta regardless but maybe going to the feast to get the back pack was a mistake." I glare at Tia till she changes her tact and turned to my friends.

"So Gale how do you feel about next week's nuptials?" all I can think is please behave Gale. Be smart not a smart ass.

"At first I didn't think Peeta was right for Katniss, but seeing them now I believe they will be very happy together." I can't help it, I let out a sigh of relieve, that was a good answer. I look up to show Gale my approval but he is not looking at me he is smiling down at Madge. Huh, that's new.

"Why didn't you think Peeta was right for Katniss?" I want to scream at Tia, can't she see they were having a moment.

"Just how different they are with him being a townie and all arty, Katniss is more practical than that." and that's the Gale I know and love. However, Madge is the one who digs her elbow in to his ribs.

"And Madge how do you feel about the pairing?" I agree that's enough of Gale talking about Peeta, move on to Madge.

"I adore both of them and unlike this one" she smiles sweetly at Gale "I have always seen how perfect they are together."

"How nice" Tia is really everything that's wrong with Capitol people, so fake. "And are you both looking forward to the Capitol?"

"Oh yes, I can't wait. My father has been before but I have never been." Madge is genuinely excited about the trip but I can see Gale wince and I know he is not a fan of the Capitol.

"I don't like leaving my family behind but I would never miss Katniss's big day, I did hope it would be here in twelve but I can't see the Capitol Citizens that would like to attend slumming it." Yup that's my Gale.

"Shush Gale stop pulling poor Tia's leg. He is such a joker." Madge has stepped in to cover up his faux pass.

"I see." Tia is not impressed. "So how long have you two been a couple?"

At first we just gape at Tia and a slight look of pleading in my direction from Madge I stepped in. "They are not a couple, just close friends." I look to Madge to see if I have done the right thing. Wait are they a couple? How am I going to get time alone with either of them to question them about this?

"Well I think that is all for now, I do hope we see each other again before the wedding." Tia signals to Cressida to stop filming and immediately the crew started to pack up.

"Tia could I maybe stay on with my friends for a little it's nearly lunch time?" My head is still fuzzy but I don't think anything was planned for the afternoon.

"Absolutely not, you have a visitor already waiting." Without another word we were gone from the cosy living room and on our way to the Victor's village.


	18. roses are white

With the speed at which Tia was walking back to the Victors' Village I could only imagine my guest was an important one. I let me mind ponder over who it may be.

Snow?

No, he would not slum it so close to the wedding he would never get the smell of district off him in time for the wedding.

Caesar?

Quiet possible, but why they would ship him out all this way when they have the technology to interview me from the capital?

Peeta?

No I will have to wait till the wedding to see him. He has been kept so busy that even the kit the camera crew set up hasn't been used since the first night.

I had just decided that here is no point in getting excited by my unknown visitor when I round the corner and who should greet me with the warm welcoming smile of a friend but Cinna. I find myself squealing very uncharacteristically for me. I can't help it the excitement has taken over me, I run to greet my friend.

"Slow down, you're not in the games now." Cinna's smooth voice is as charismatic as ever.

"No just happy to see someone that I can enjoy arrive. Why are you here?" What I wanted to say was I'm happy to see someone with news of Peeta.

"Well who else did you think would present you with your winning wedding dress?" Of course I should have known as much. The thought of being probed and poked at was not my ideal why to spend time with my friend. Still I am not going to let it damper my mood.

"Well can we at least have a catch up over some tea before you have to attack me with pins?" I catch a glimpse at Tia about to object when Cinna puts his hand up and accepts my offer.

"Show me the way _Girl on fire_." Well it's good to know who the hierarchy is and in this case Cinna appears to be above Tia in the chain of command. She would never have allowed me to delay her in this way but for Cinna it wasn't an issue.

Cinna told me any stories he thought I would find interesting from the Capital. Our wedding was on everyone's lips and Peeta was being chartered out as a dinner guest to Capital Citizens every night to give them the inside gossip on the upcoming affair. Although because the camera was rolling Cinna had worded it differently, renting out victors was too honest a term for Capital TV.

Other than that all Cinna could tell me was that Mr District four himself; Finnick was by Peetas side showing him how to navigate the busy Capital social life and was now according to the suit order going to be best man at our wedding.

This news was not a huge surprise to me, both Peeta and I are fond of Finnick and as Peeta is not close to his brothers however he did have plenty of friends here at home. Finnick was a crowd favourite in the Capital I wonder if this was a factor in Peeta choosing him. It would certainly please Snow too. Peeta was so good at all this and that just made me miss him more. I could really do with his help with Tia.

After our tea it was time for us to try the dress on. The dress itself was chosen for me by a public vote in the Capital. Which terrified me; I didn't exactly covet the fashion in the capital, way too much feathers and bright colours for me. The only saving grace was that all the dresses where designed for me by Cinna himself. It was this detail that allowed me to keep calm about the fact I had no say at all in the choosing of my wedding dress.

I went to the kitchen to find Prim and my mom. The kitchen was a kind of refuge to them away from the camera crew so I was sure to find them there. As I approached down the hall I could hear laughter. The sound of it took me back in time to our little house in the Seam. It was a noise I had once taken for granted as it was a daily occurrence then. Before my father was killed my family was happy beyond belief and I would hear my mother laugh out loud like this every time he was in the room.

I pause a moment longer just to take in the moment and also to fight back the grief rising up in me. I never wanted a big flashy wedding but back when the world was still an innocent and pure place to me I wanted to marry a man just like my father. My father should be here to give me away. I have never gotten over his death. I simply had to push my heartache to the back of my mind so I could focus on what needed to be done to survive but now his absence was suddenly a gaping hole in me.

With one last deep breath I shove open the door to find not only my mother and Prim as expected but also Haymitch sitting at the table. They were all happy and smiling and to anybody that didn't know otherwise they looked like a family. All three of them had blonde hair and the lighter completion not of the Seam. The grief stirred in me once more, without my father here I stuck out like a sore thumb, a _Seam dark_ thumb.

"I take it by that sour look on your face sweetheart, that it's time for you to get all dollied up." For once I was glad that Haymitch had miss read the emotion on my face. More often than not he is right on the money with me.

"Please tell me that you are here to help me pick out my shoes." I put on my extra sweet voice and bat my eyelashes at him.

"Ha, I have better things to do than try to turn you into a lady." With the initial pain fading it's easy to see how Haymitch was making my mother and Prim laugh. Although now my mother looked more horrified at his remark, my mother was a lady but she did not raise a one. The old drunk was right I am not the delicate flower I was named for and lucky for my family that I am this way or we would not have survived my father's death. I'll leave it for Prim to be the flower.

"Will you be around for supper?" Haymitch was becoming a regular at our table. The effect it was having on our family was noticeable. With him around the mood is lighter and I can see it effecting him too, in more ways than one. The most noticeable being his waist.

Of course Haymitch accepts my mother's offer; with Cinna here too it will be a full house tonight.

-0-

It's not as bad as I imagined its worse. There is not a dry eye in the room. Tia is overwhelmed with a sense of personal achievement. Why? I have no idea but she feels she has single handily transformed me from a District rat to the Queen of the Victors. I am not assuming this fact she actually said something similar to myself and Cinna.

Cinna held his composure well. I didn't expect anything else from him but he still couldn't help a single tear escaping. This didn't aggravate me. This tear comes from a good place, a place of love and pride. Cinna really was a friend to me and that is an irreplaceable thing.

Mom and Prim's reaction was predictable. I could handle their tears because I knew they came from a place of love and joy. Although my mother could show some of this joy towards my groom, I know she will warm to him eventually. It was the people like Tia that got under my skin. They know nothing of Peeta and me. Their involvement in our wedding felt like nothing but an intrusion.

I shed tears of my own. These came hand in hand with the blood I shed. I hate dress fittings. The dress itself was beautiful. It was as simple as the capital fashion would allow. It had a high neck leading into a fitted bodice before flowing effortlessly to the floor. The front was satin but plain satin however all the detail was in the back. Starting between my shoulder blades and falling in a cascade while increasing in numbers until they were stopped by my train ending were thousands of white rosebuds. The detail was amazing but I was happy they were at the back. All I could see when I looked at them was Snow. I would marry Peeta covered in President Snow's trademark white roses.

Cinna had finally stopped pinning either he was finished or out of pins. "Time to get you out of there" he sounded tired. I look back to the mirror behind me at all the detail.

"Thank you for all your hard work. It truly is an amazing dress." I mean every word, I would never have had a dress like this or Peeta if it wasn't for games.

"Don't thank me yet it's a devil of a thing to get off. Peeta better not be in a hurry." Cinna laughs and I blush but my mother looks mortified. I forget it must be hard for her sometimes I am still very young to be getting married.

"Mom, don't worry. I'll be okay." She looks taken back that I have noticed her reaction.

"I just hope you know what you're doing. Marriage is forever." I knew how she felt but I hadn't believed she would say it out load.

"I am going to love Peeta forever." I hold my chin up to let her know I will not budge on this matter and she leaves the room.

-0-

I am already on my second drink of the night when the TV flashes on. It's Peeta. Finally Peeta is calling me.

"I am so happy to see you." I am nearly gushing over him. He looks so good; Capital sunshine can do that to you.

"Me too, I have some details for you to approve." Peeta smiles at me but something seams off.

"I don't care about wedding details. How are you?" again Peeta smiles but its missing its usual warmth.

"I'm fine. So I am having Finnick as my best man. I don't want to drop one of my brothers so you need a third bridesmaid." Ok then straight to business.

"Who can I have? I am already at my limit with Madge and Prim." He knows I don't have a lot of friends.

"I knew you would be like this." Peeta shifts in his chair. "I was thinking about Joanna. The capital already knows her and it promotes the image that the tributes are all friends." Joanna? I have never spoken two words to Joanna ever. All I know of her is she can't keep off Peeta and won her games partly by lying.

"Ok if that's what you want, it's good with me." It's not good with me. Why is Peeta pushing someone he knows makes me uncomfortable on me?

"Good, now I have been asked if the cameras can come on honeymoon with us. How do you feel about that?" I can feel my eyes stinging. I don't understand why Peeta is being like this. I am still trying to take the whole Joanna thing on board that I am not even listening to him properly.

"Sure, if you think its best." I try to keep upbeat maybe it's just the wedding stress getting to us both. "Wait, what honeymoon?"

"Oh I forgot to tell you we are spending a week on the beach in District four right after the wedding." The beach hmm could be good. Alone with Peeta for a week could be great! "Well, that's all I really needed, how are things in district twelve?" Finally he wants some conversation.

"Great I tried my dress on today and I discovered something you might find interesting, I know I did." Relief fills my voice as I talk. Until that is I notice Peeta is not paying attention to me. His eyes are diverted away from the camera. I trail off and he doesn't even notice. Finally he turns back to me.

"Katniss I have to go, we will talk soon ok." The screen goes blank and I am alone again. I find myself taking to the blank TV anyway.

"Madge and Gale are together."

I leave the room taking the near full bottle of spirits with me. It will be a long week.

-0-

Today is the day I go to the Capital. Tomorrow is my wedding day. I haven't seen Peeta in two weeks. I haven't spoken to Peeta in over a week; our last conversation was cold and clinical. I have spent the last week preparing Peeta's house for our marriage. It is tradition in twelve for the bride and her family to move her belongings into their new home or grooms home if he already has one.

It was strange being around the house without him there. It made it worse that he hadn't called me again. I of all people know how demanding the capital can be but I still wanted to talk one more time before the wedding.

My mother had bought new linens for us and when I went in to his room to change the bed a small note was on it for me.

"It is not my house, it is our home."

A pain stuck my heart. I didn't think it was possible but I missed him more. He knew me so well.

Now I stood in Prims room all ready to leave. My prep team's holiday is over; I am now made up to within an inch of my existence. I am definitely Capital ready even if only this morning I was told it was impossible. Too much alcohol not enough sleep being the problem but miracles must happen because I look good.

It was the first time I was ever nervous about the ability of my prep team. I wanted to look good for Peeta. The tightly fitted deep blue dress fitted me perfectly so although I was not showing off any skin you could still see my womanly curves. The colour reminded me of Peeta's eyes. I have no doubt that this was as good as I would ever look.

My friends and family all left the day before so it will just be me and Haymitch on the train. As Tia also left the previous day I decided not to drink last night as I knew it was up to me to get Haymitch ready for the train. We are leaving District twelve at 5.00am and are going express to the capital. I can sleep on the train but for now it's time to get Haymitch to the train on time. This will not be easy, I just hope he is at least at home it is going to be hard enough to entice him to the station as it is. If I have to find him first it will be near impossible.

With one last deep breath I leave dreading the ordeal that awaits me. I am half way across the green when I finally look up I stop dead in my tracks at the sight that lies in front of me.

"Hurry up sweetheart or we are going to be late." Haymitch is not only up but sober, clean shaven and ready to go.


	19. two days later

**I am so sorry for the huge delay with this. Please don't give up on me I will finish this story. Thank you for the reviews I treasure every one of them. Please keep them coming they really help me as I have said before this is my first story and need all the help I can get.** **Asherah Isa thank you so much for all your help.**

 **Two days later**

As I can start to see the light come in through the window of my dressing room I know it must be around 5.00am. With the new light starting to shimmer of the satin of my wedding gown my focus is drawn down. A lump is caught in my throat; I am still in this stupid dress. It feels like every rosebud is Snow mocking me.

How did this happen? When did it happen? I need answers but all my mind can form is the look of total disgust on his face as soon as we were alone. I had never seen Peeta look so distant and cold. It was the first time his blue eyes looked more like ice than scorching hot skies.

Trying to force my mind to focus, I think back over the last two days in the Capitol. Were there warning signs I had missed? Feeling a little sick I remember Haymitch trying to warn me on the train. It was when I questioned his soberness, he had simply implied that he couldn't shake the feeling he was walking into a trap.

"Two weeks is a long time to be alone in the Capitol sweetheart, they play games with our lives without a dent to their moral compass. Manipulation is just a party game for them. I intend to be on my toes." Haymitch had said it with a mocking tone and I had brushed it off as part of his usual rebellious sentiment but now it felt like it was a prophecy. It was exactly what had happened.

Peeta had been manipulated somehow. Snow had made him hate me but who where his allies? Could Snow had done this on his own or was someone close to Peeta or me, helping him? Who could I trust?

After the train ride I was met by Effie. I was disappointed that Peeta had not met us but I knew the whole point in my having the use of the President's express train was to keep us apart till the ceremony. This was considered a real generosity on President Snow's behalf. The express train was for his personal use when an emergency accrued in outlining districts, my allowance even made the news. When we got to our accommodation I was greeted by my mother and bridesmaids, Johanna included.

Johanna? I don't even know her I was practically forced to have her in the wedding party. Could she be a conspirator with Snow? I actually was starting to think I liked her after all; she was my rock the morning of the wedding and a lot of fun the night before.

Once we were all settled with white robes and Champaign, my prep team got to work on making us "The most magnificent bridal party ever" their words not mine. The extent of this came as a shock to my mother and Madge as they were removed of every hair south of the chin. Thank heavens that Prim is still considered too young to need this.

It was a great night really and Johanna had brought her own style of fun to the night. Teasing my prep team over each procedure, winking at the rest of us behind their backs and making us giggle. When the subject turned to men or as my mother pointed out that they were mere boys, mom took Prim to bed. When Johanna figured out me and Peeta were still virgins that started her off on a whole new topic, sharing with me what I should expect as she seems to have a lot of experience.

"Let us start at the beginning, I'm trusting you know the bio of it all. What goes where and how babies are made?" I just look at her and roll my eyes but I think Madge has had too much to drink because she is just giggling in a very out of character way. I feel Madge likes Johanna and I have to admit I do too, which is a new think for both of us. "Okay okay, just making sure. So you know what to expect, so how does Peeta compare?"

I was already feeling like an idiot, now I had to ask her to explain I felt my head would explode from my embarrassment. "Compare how?" there I said it now I will look at the piece of fluff on the ground forever.

"Size! How does he compare to other men in size? Man, you're brainless." Joanna was looking at Madge shaking her head. "What do you get up to in twelve or should I say not get up to?"

Omg! I may never look up again. "Oh well….. erm… I don't know….. We never…. I never."

"Ok don't hurt yourself. Wow! Never?" I peek up at the two girls and they both have a look of surprise about them. "You have never even seen it?"

"I've felt it,… kind of, …through his cloths and mine. Never with my hand or anything." I should have just said no, now I feel like a bigger amateur.

"Really?" I look up out of shock because it was not Jo this time it was Madge. I don't know why but this made me a little mad.

"Yes really, why have you seen Gale's?" I throw my question at her hoping to get her to side with me.

"Yes I have and it's rather nice too." Madge's expression is smug and I am sure mine is total shock. Relief surged through me when Jo spoke up because I had not expected the pang of envy I was feeling.

"Wait a minute, are you telling me "little miss oh so sweet" is with the handsome cousin." It takes me a minute to remember Gale is supposed to be my cousin. "But unlike my friend brainless here you have actually done more than just holding hands."

"Well yes I am and I suppose yes we have." It's Madge's turn to be embarrassed.

"Well there go my plains for the wedding party." Joanna's statement makes Madge set her lips in a firm line. Wow! what would Gale think of this conversation. I can't wait to tell Peeta about it. I get a nervous twist of my insides when I think of Peeta. I get to see him tomorrow. I really wasn't sure what was going to happen tomorrow night. Yes I knew the bio of it all but nothing else. I wanted to get Jo back on subject but I didn't want to have to ask.

Sensing talking about Gale is not an option Johanna turns back to me. I was suddenly grateful for this conversation realising I may be a little innocent after all but that doesn't mean I am going to like it. "So when you have felt it does it feel big?"

I breathe out a load puff of air. Close my eyes and think of the times Peeta and I have been intimate. I feel my face warm up again as I remember Peeta placing kisses down my neck, his big strong hands wandering slowly up my back leaving my skin warm and wanting more wherever he touches. Finding my lips again his tongue parts my lips and invades my mouth. The heat of it all making my head spin and my mouth water. I remember wanting him closer somehow, pushing my body against him as much as I can. Hot hands trailed down my arms, onto my hips and finally cupping my arse and pressing me into his rock hard cock. How does it feel? Amazing! Very large, hard and amazing.

Joanna's not so subtle cough makes my eyes shoot open. "Do you want us to leave you alone?"

"Big." I shout a little too loud due to my mortification.

"Now we are getting somewhere, do you want the good news or the bad news?" I look muddled at Jo not knowing where she is going with this now. "You are about to spend the rest of your life with a good one. Not all nice boys have a good cock, assuming he can use it you will be a very happy woman." Then no louder than a whisper Jo mutters to herself. "Why people don't buy before they try I'll never know."

"What's the bad news?" I try to sound disinterested but really I am on the edge of my seat.

"You are going to hurt the next morning." At this point I can feel the blood leave my face and know I have gone pale. This only causes both Madge and Johanna to launch into a fit of giggles at my expense.

"Oh don't worry Katniss it's only the first time that really leaves you uncomfortable." Both Johanna and I look like we have been hit by a train. Madge has had sex. Madge has had sex with Gale.

"When?" I sound petulant but I am beyond hiding my hurt. My two best friends have been getting in on and I have had no idea.

"That doesn't matter, please don't be mad." Madge looks guilty and I suddenly feel like the most selfish person in the world. "It just happened and you have Peeta now so I never thought you would mind."

"No, I don't mind. It's just a big step and I had no idea." I get up to sit beside Madge and take her hand.

"You and Peeta are so happy now, I just want that but my dad can't know. Not yet and you always had a camera around you, I didn't want it aired if you got mad at us." Madge sounds so defensive that I feel like the worst best friend ever.

"Hang on why would you care if she fucked your cousin?" Johanna's interruption sent us off in more giggles. And the mood of the night stayed that way until my mom came out and told us to go to bed. I would have to find another time to tell Johanna that Gale is not my cousin.

Then there was yesterday morning, I had been sick twice and my prep team wouldn't stop complaining about my sweating. I am trying to contain my nerves but I can't. I love Peeta I do but I am only 17 maybe my mother is right. We are too young for this and we should wait. There is so much I still want to talk about with Peeta about the future. How can I enter into this without knowing where it is going?

I know we have a "real, not real" agreement but I have already told him I want this to be "real", which I did at the time but now it just feels too much. I take a deep breath to steady myself but it is no use. I can feel my eyes filling with tears and I am not going to be able to stop them spilling. I look apologetically at Octavia whom was doing my make-up and sob.

"I need a break, who knew getting the _happy_ bride ready would be such a miserable affair." The Capitol heavy voice of Octavia indicated them all to give me some space.

"Thank you" I mouth just barely above a whisper.

However my team leaving when they still hadn't finished with me caused my bridesmaids to notice I was not as happy as I maybe should be. Madge was first to reach me, as we have never really been huggers she kind of hovers close and rubs my arm "it's only nerves Katniss, don't worry."

I smile weakly at her, maybe she is right and I'll be ok once it's all done and dusted.

"It's not too late to stop this" my mom jesters around us. "We can go home."

"Mom, stop it she loves Peeta." Prim looks like she is in fear of losing her new big brother and is not going to let that happen.

"Ladies, can I have a moment alone with Katniss?" Johanna is already ushering them out of the room before they can argue then turning back to me sizing me up as if I was about to run. If I am being truthful I was thinking that now it was just the two of us maybe I could outrun her. "Talk to me, what's wrong?"

"What if this is a mistake?" it sounds so silly even to me.

"Ok Brainless, don't even sweat it. Peeta is a great guy he will make you happy." She sits down close and hugs me while she whispers in my ear. "Don't give snow an excuse to hurt your family. I lost mine for a lot less than cancelling a huge expensive wedding." Moving away again she is smiling acting like she had not just giving me the wakeup call I needed.

"Thank you Jo, I needed that." It was true I needed to remember this is not a normal wedding. I needed to stop focusing on what I want and focus on what needed to be done. I needed to keep my family save. Another deep breath I calm myself and turn back to Jo. "Can you ask the prep team to come back and finish me off now, I am ready."

"That's my girl." With another smile she goes to the door and retrieves everyone waiting outside. "Ok crisis averted, I am so good at this bridesmaid thing but then I am good at pretty much everything." After that Jo put extra effort in to keeping it upbeat and was making us all laugh till it was time go to the ceremony.

No I don't think Johanna could be part of Snow's manipulation of Peeta, she could have let my mother convince me to call off the wedding and Snow would have all the ammunition he needed to totally destroy me and Peeta. My gut is telling me I can trust Johanna and I am going to go with that. That doesn't help me I still have no idea how the change in Peeta's feelings towards me occurred.

I never knew what devastation truly was till now. The only time in my life that even remotely resembled this was when my father died but even then I was too immature to grasp the full concept of losing someone. No I cannot accept that Peeta is lost to me I need to figure out what has happened to cause this change in him.

I try to focus again, the wedding, had something there happened to give me any clues as to what would come about.

Peeta, Effie and Serena our wedding planner had outdone themselves. The president's mansion was nearly unrecognisable. I could almost forget where I was. Yes it was completely over the top but that was the Capitol way. The flowers, although some where taller than me, where made up of wild flowers that grew around the meadow in Twelve. I could almost not take my eyes off them but when the music started I knew I had to walk.

Suddenly I wasn't only making my feet move to keep my family safe, I knew that at the top of the very long aisle was Peeta. I hadn't seen him in person for two whole weeks. I couldn't wait to smell him and pull at his precious curls; I hope he hasn't too much product in his hair but really it doesn't matter.

I look up at him when we get to the bottom of the aisle and take a deep breath to steady myself. I shouldn't look to eager. I can see his broad shoulders are encased in a white dinner Jacket, as I get closer I see his pants are a dark brown not black and I am a little disappointed to see his hair has product in it but that was to be expected.

Although everyone has their eyes on me Peeta has not turned around and is still looking ahead. Finnick is giving me a goofy grin and whispering to Peeta. Peeta just shrugged his shoulders when I thought he would look at me, maybe he has nerves too.

Finally what felt like an hour later but was probably only a minute I reached the top. When Prim took my bouquet from me I couldn't help smiling so wide it was beginning to hurt. Lastly I look up and lose myself in the pools of the most magnificent blue that I had been missing so much. I didn't listen to the Capitol official that was reading us our vows; I just looked at Peeta and missed my cue more than once as I was lost in the face I missed so much.

At the time I thought the tightness in his face was stress of plaining the wedding, the formal way he spoke was just me making up and the coolness of this touch was just so he didn't get carried away because I would have not stopped him if he took me right there in front of everyone and I assumed he was feeling the same. At the end of the ceremony Peeta even had to place his hands on my shoulders to hold me down and stop me deepening our kiss. Again I thought this was for decency now I know he just didn't want me to.

We made our way back down the aisle holding hands while smiling and waving, even though I knew no one after the second row of guests. A large carriage is waiting for us and we hop in. I lean to Peeta and he kisses me. I don't feel the heat I normally do when our lips meet its more like the ones we shared on the victory tour but I still relish in it, taking in his Peeta smell and the softness of his lips.

I hadn't even noticed Effie in the carriage until she started speaking. "Oh you two are going to be so happy. I just love to see people in love." Where was this Effie as she pulled me with force I never knew she had from Peeta's room. "Ok now down to business, when we arrive you will be announced as Mr and Mrs. Mellark." She pauses for a moment to hold our hands in excitement. "Then you will have your first dance as a married couple." More excited hand squeezing. "After that you are expected to mingle but that's ok because you have the rest of your lives together."

"One question Effie" when she nods at me I continue "why are we in a carriage and where are we going?" Peeta laughs beside me and I have to grin at him I missed that noise so much I presumed Effie had made a face because he stops abruptly when he sees us looking.

"We need to give it time to be set up for the reception so we are just going to circle a bit." Basically we are driving in a circle so we can arrive where we just were.

"I missed you too Effie." I can't help it I did. I love how it is so important to her that we be announced.

The party was true to the standard I had expected from the Capitol and as usual myself and Peeta where expected to keep the VIP guests happy. During our first dance the crowd lined the dance floor as Peeta took me in his arms and held me tight. It was perfect, after a chaste kiss he smiled at me. He looked a little pained but it was a soft warm smile. I lay my head on his shoulder as he led us slowly around the floor.

Thinking back on this moment I know I have not lost Peeta completely. I could feel his love in every tender touch as we danced but this was the one exception of the night. Every other embrace, kiss and even conversation was cold and forced.

When it came time for us to leave and go to our room our friends and family from twelve lined the hallway like they would have done the road to our house and sang the traditional wedding songs. At the start of the procession Peeta picked me up to carry us into our room as he would have done our new home. When we reached the door both my mom and Peeta's mother where waiting for us with a slice of bread each.

Peeta stopped for a moment and looked as if he was going to refuse it from his mother but then smiled at her and said "Can you give it to Katniss? My hands are full." He never accepted the bread this was a huge warning bell that I just didn't see but even if I had it was too late we were behind the door and alone within seconds.

Peeta practically dropped me on the floor and walked away from me. "Peeta what's wrong?" I don't know what I expected but it definitely wasn't the pure hate and anger I got.

"What could be wrong wife? Ha… like a man needs a wife like you." He spat his words at me, his face looked so distorted and in pain I ran to him. Not expecting it I was caught off guard when he pushed me away. He didn't use any of his strength and I know he didn't intended to hurt me, just stop me from reaching him but I fell back and I stumbled on my high heels. I landed hard on the edge of the large wooden blanket box at the foot of the bed causing me to cry out in agony as a spasm of pain shot up my tailbone.

For a brief moment Peeta looked concerned then as I got up and started to approach him again he turned away from me "I am getting a shower it's been a long day of pretending, it's exhausting. I don't know how you do it all the time." And with that he left for the bathroom.

Distressed I turned to flee the room only as my hand was on the door handle I knew I couldn't. Turning back to the room I took in my surroundings for the first time. The large four poster bed was covered in rose petals. To anyone else it must look romantic but to me it was just a reminder Snow was watching. A bottle of champagne was on ice on the offending blanket box. It was too much I had to get away from it.

I couldn't leave, I couldn't stay, Peeta was in the bathroom and I can't imagine I was welcome to join. That left the dressing room, as I made my way across the room all the despair hit me at once. I was not married to Peeta. Peeta didn't love me, Peeta didn't want me. My legs gave way and I fell to my knees in the centre of the dressing room and cried.

I haven't moved. I am still where I fell only my sobs have stopped and I have a new resolve to find out what happen to Peeta. I don't remember him returning from the shower but I can hear him get out of bed now. Time to start my first day has a married woman.


	20. broken

**Wedding day**

Peeta POV

I know it's time as the music starts, she's here. I let out the breath I've been holding only to hold the next one. It has been easy to be angry with Katniss while we have been apart but I am scared to come face to face with her, her hold on me always feels so strong. To steady my resolve not to immediately forgive her for betraying me, I start replaying the images of her with Gale over in my mind.

I was never intended to find the file. It was when I was learning how to use the video calling kit, to call Katniss I had to type her name in the little box and then her caller ID would come up. I was so excited to call her I must have hit another file along with her name. As we were talking another video had popped up in the corner of the TV.

It was of Katniss and Gale she was walking to him leaning into him. Kissing him. I was so distracted I can only slightly remember saying goodbye to Katniss and pressing the end button. Turning my attention back to the offensive video I hit the enlarge icon so it now fills the screen.

Gale's arms are around her, crushing her to his body. Gale's hands not finding a resting place are touching her in all the places I had considered just for me. When I see Katniss move her arms I am momentarily relieved, this is when she is going to push him away but then her hands find his face, his hair. The pain I feel in my chest as I realise she is enjoying it is excruciating. After what feels like forever to me they finish only leaving their foreheads pressed together. Then I hear Katniss say "I can't, not now, maybe Later." And my world falls apart.

The next clip is of them in Katniss's living room. Gale has an overnight bag slung over his shoulder as Katniss leaves the room she tells him "Feel free to stay in my room" and heads for the stairs Gale just watching her go.

That's all my mind could absorb so I quickly exited out of the file and headed for the bar. I intended to get drunk but once I sat down I see the evening news start. There I was gushing over Katniss like the absolute fool I had been. She never wanted me; she only wanted Gale and was using me to keep her and her family save.

Finnick voice in my ear brings me back to the present. "Wow mate she looks amazing." I shrug my shoulders and close my eyes. If I didn't have a family to keep safe too, I would leave right now and never look at her again but I do have a family albeit they have their flaws but they are still my family.

I turn as Katniss reaches the top of the aisle, she looks so genuinely happy. Ha! I told her a million times she was a terrible actress but just look at her playing the happy bride now. As the official started his spiel I had no choice but to look at her. She was the most magnificent thing I have ever seen. Her eyes were twinkling with what I presume was happiness and what I could only interpret as longing. My body was not being used to the idea that we no longer could trust Katniss and it ached to hold her.

Katniss was concentrating so hard on looking in love she was missing her cue to answer. When I spoke I found my acting was maybe more than a little out of practice as I sounded cold like I was reading a sign post or school newsletter. They were just words, we had agreed on that a long time ago "not real" that was what this was. It is just for the cameras and not real.

The moment I am most dreading has come. I have to kiss Katniss, I swore to myself I would never again give her my affection but there was no way around it now. Keeping my hands at my side I lean in to kiss her just a chaste peck but Katniss has a different idea and it takes all my self-control not to open my lips and let her in, instead I place my hands on her shoulder and push her gently away. Again my chest beats wildly at her mere touch.

Knowing that the Capitol citizens in attendance had to pay for the privilege of being at our wedding I know I have to preform or Snow will have our heads, I take Katniss by the hand as we run down the aisle waving and smiling like the happy couple we are supposed to be. As pre-arranged a carriage is waiting to take us around the block a couple of times so they can change the ball room around for the party. I know the crowd will want it so I pull Katniss in for another kiss. Letting my body betray me for a moment I take in her sweet smell, soft skin and addictive taste but I pull away before any heat can build. I am not sure I can trust myself if I did.

Feeling the growing stiffness is not a new feeling to get when I am close to Katniss but it no longer feels like an appropriate reaction. To get my body under control I bring up more of the images I had seen on the file. To be honest it became a bit of a bad habit, whenever I got a chance I looked up the file on the video calling screen. I was becoming obsessed with what Katniss and Gale was up to behind my back.

Snippets of encounters flashed through my mind, Katniss and Gale together in the woods, sharing a world I have never been allowed into. The forest was their territory and I had never even been asked to join them. One image of Katniss was angry and I thought finally she was leaving Gale until I heard her hiss at him "I am never going to have a child with him" the video jumped at the end but I got the message. Gale was scared if Katniss got pregnant she wouldn't know who the baby belonged to but it was obvious from her response she never intended us to sleep together.

Effie is squeezing my hand and getting all excited about the after party and how happy we will be together. All I can feel is the stranger beside me, the girl I loved and thought I had known so well was a complete stranger to me.

I have drank a little more than I would normally have but I feel adopting Haymitch's coping mechanism is my only way of getting through this. The time has come for me to dance with Katniss. As I take her hand I place another fake kiss on her lips, I find myself thinking of how I would have kissed her if I had not accidently found the file and am filled with regret maybe ignorance would be bliss.

Katniss places her head on my shoulder and I let myself pretend she is the girl I thought she was, the girl I longed to be with. I hold her with all the love I have for the girl I thought she was. In a way it is like this is my last dance with the Katniss I loved, like saying goodbye because I know I will have to tell her I know her secret sooner or later. At least then she can stop the lying to me and maybe we could be friends again one day.

It was a release for once to have to spend time with the VIPs. I found myself getting even drunker and anger was growing in me every time I saw that smug git Hawthorne. I no longer just felt hurt, I was angry at being made a fool. I wanted to confront him here and now but suddenly it was time for us to go to our room.

As our friends and family from twelve lined the corridor to our rooms as was tradition I picked up Katniss as a dutiful husband would and proceeded past them. Seeing Hawthorne sing his little heart out at us was too much. How could he be so happy seeing his girl in my arms, knowing I should be intending to bed her soon? I will never understand some people. Next to the door to our room are both my mother and Mrs Everdeen with some bread for our toasting. I have never been so offended by bread in my life and I just can't bring myself to accept it.

Asking my mother to just give the bread to Katniss I can see a slight glint of satisfaction in the old witch. Why did I ever think I could trust women when this was my role model? Without looking at anyone else I was through the door and we were alone for the first time since I have known what the real Katniss is like.

Another file flash back of Katniss telling her interviewer it was a mistake to go get the medication I needed in the games, to save me was a mistake comes to the surface and I drop Katniss on the spot not wanting her anywhere near me.

"Peeta, what's wrong?" her voice is small and cautious. This flared my anger more, what right did she have to be freighted of me. I have done nothing but love her and try to keep her and everyone she holds deer, even bloody Hawthorne safe.

"What could be wrong wife? Ha! Like a man needs a wife like you" I can barely keep the resent from my voice. I look at her ready to let her have it, tell her I know her dirty little secret but I was not expecting her to come at me. Out of pure self-defence I lift my arms to shield myself. It's not that I expect her to strike me but in my present state both emotional and drunk an embraces could be enough to send me over the edge.

Realising that she was falling I was too slow to catch her and the sound of her crying out in pain was enough for me to forget how angry I was at her and be concerned. Torn between gathering her up in my arms to see if she is ok and just walking away I hesitate where I am. Katniss gets to her feet and takes a step towards me again.

Scared once again that my resolve would crack under her touch I leave for the bathroom. "I am getting a shower it's been a long day of pretending, it's exhausting. I don't know how you do it all the time." I hold it together long enough to get the water running then I collapsed under the spray and cry. All my life I wanted to be married to Katniss Everdeen but this was never what I wanted.

 **Let me know if you liked it.**


	21. try to begin again

**K** **atniss** **'** **POV**

When I finally stand up not only are my legs stiff from sitting in one spot for tOo long but I have an excruciating pain from where I hit my bottom on the blanket box. I can hear Peeta making his way over and I can't even look at him, I suppose this is what it feels like to be heart broken.

"We will be expected to be at breakfast." He sounds cold and that brings on a fresh wave of tears. I hold my breath and bite my lip in an attempt to conceal them.

"Ok" it's all I can manage without letting him hear I'm crying.

"There is no Avox coming… so er….are you going to get out of that dress." His voice sounds strained. Oh god this is so awkward.

"I can't" my voice is soft but I know he heard me because he has been hesitating behind me.

"Oh" Peeta comes a few steps closer "how do I?" I lift my braid as the dress starts high up my neck.

"Buttons under the roses." My voice is hoarse and you can tell I've been crying but I don't care what else had he thought I was doing in here. He starts on the buttons and I can feel the warmth of his skin wherever he touches me. I want him to put his arms around me, to kiss me and tell me he loves me, make all my hurt and heart ache go away. Will he ever hold me again? Right now it doesn't seem like it and as this realisation hits me I feel a fresh pang of hurt washing over me.

As I accept the fresh wave of pain another round of the same questions come over me. Why is this happening? What has Snow said or done to Peeta? Why does Peeta not believe I love him? That's the one that gets me the most. Why does he not see how in love with him I am? I know I hadn't always loved him as I do now and it was wrong to lead him on in the arena but it was to save our lives.

I thought he knew me so well however if that was the case he would know I would not fake a toasting. If Peeta knew me as well as I had imagined he did we would not be in this situation now. He would know that I love him.

What if I don't know Peeta as well I think I do? We talk so much I feel I know every little detail about him but I can't for the life of me figure out what has caused him to turn on me. I do know I will get to the bottom of it and somehow I am going to get my Peeta back.

He is almost half way down my back when I feel the top part of the dress come loose, with my decision to win Peeta back fresh in my mind I rise my arms and instead of holding the dress up I allow it to fall down knowing I have an unbelievable sexy white corset on that makes my breasts look two sizes bigger and hugs me tight to my waist. Two more buttons and it falls to the floor to reveal the _oh_ so tiny underwear with stockings that are held up by suspenders.

I am satisfied when I hear him gasp as takes it all in; well at least I know it's not a physical repulsion. I can work with that.

For the first time I turn to face him, despite himself he can't help looking down at my breasts and I wonder if he is feeling the stiffness grow in his pants. Feeling he may never look up I try to get some answers. "Peeta I… I…" I want to say so much but I don't know where to start. "I don't understand?"

His eyes grow cold as they meet mine. "Come on Katniss, you know what you've been doing and now I know too, so it's best now that we both accept that this is _not real."_ I reach out to touch his cheek but he moves back quickly. The rejection stings and I know it is not going to be easy to get Peeta back. I've hurt him too somehow.

He looks like he may cry but it's me who had the tears running down my face, I am not used to Peeta discarding me like this. "Let's get ready for breakfast." My mouth opens and closes like I am a fish. I have no idea what he means but he looks so sure I am certain I must have done something wrong but what?

Peeta leaves me and I get dressed. My dress is a light breezy pink sun dress, it's not half as sexy as the clothes I wore for this year's games but it fits me well. I might talk to Cinna about bringing back the sexy outfits, I need all the help I can get. As I am just finishing my braid, Peeta appears in the doorway and it's time to go. He looks breathtakingly handsome in his fresh cream linen suit. The blue shirt he is wearing under the jacket is a perfect match to his amazing blue eyes.

As soon as we leave the room Peeta takes my hand, I stop and look at him, confusion written all over my face. With a swift movement he leans me against the wall and whispers to me as he pretends to kiss my neck. "No matter what Snow doesn't win."

I'm not sure if it's having him so close after all we had been through during the night but as the scent of him reaches my nose I am overcome with desire for him. Realising what he had whispered to me my tired mind contemplates Snow may not have anything to do with this but then who else would want Peeta and I apart?

Switching our positions I push him into the wall and kiss him as deeply as I can. At least he doesn't push me away nonetheless he does nothing to encourage me. This is not the way Peeta normally kisses me, it's cold and empty. The lack of feeling in this kiss is somehow worse than if he has pushed me away. I place my lips close to his ear "look at us, he already has." I take his hand again and head for breakfast.

-0-

Surveying our miss mash table of friends and family I feel a glimmer of hope, all of them look happy for us. Sure my mother looks a little concerned but not unhappy. No, I don't believe anyone at this table would willingly help sabotage Peeta and I.

As if reading my thoughts Prim jumps to her feet and hugs Peeta. "Now we are officially Family." He squeezes her tight and I take solace that his diversion is only with me, I couldn't bear it if he cut Prim off too. "Come sit with me I want to catch up properly." He rises his eyebrows at me as if for permission to abandon me for Prim.

When I give him the nod I smile at him with as much approval as I can muster. Peeta's love of Prim is one of the many things I find irresistible about him. "How could I say no, little sister?" His voice is sweet and full of love and I find myself slightly jealous of my little sister. Not that I am worried that she will steel my husband it's just Peeta still loves her.

I turn back to the table; Haymitch is sitting with my mom and actually they are both looking a little concerned. I smile weakly at them. I can't face my mom right now so I look further down the table for a seat. Gale and Madge are next looking far to loved up for me at the moment. Prim has settled next to my mom and Peeta on the other side of her that leaves Peeta next to Finnick and me between Finnick and Johanna. Before I lower into my seat I realise this is just my family where is Peeta's "Peeta where are your Parents?"

It's Johanna that answers me however. "They had to go home last night. What a fun lot they were." Her face tells me she is being sarcastic but even without the obvious facial expression I know only too well how fun Mrs. Mellark is not. "They said something about bread to get ready."

I sit down a little too hard for my sore backside and almost jump straight back up when the pain shots up my spine. This earns me a sideway look from almost everyone at the table and for Finnick to laugh and slap Peeta on the back. I was unsure of what was with everyone when Johanna being as subtle as ever helped me out.

"Wow you weren't kidding, Blondie here is really packing some superior equipment!" it takes me a moment then I blush when I grasp that not only Jo but everyone at the table had assumed I was hurting after my first night with Peeta.

I'm so red now and I have no idea what to say. I look to Peeta he always knows what to say. I can only see a little of his face over the steady shake of Finnick's shoulders as he tries to contain his amusement in my circumstances. Peeta is not as red as me and also looks a little amused himself and by the glint in his eye I know he is not coming to my rescue.

"So brainless, you're all set for the honeymoon then?" I know she was joking but I took my opportunity to change the subject.

"Actually no I am not, I have to go see Cinna about my wardrobe." I wanted to tell them all I just fell and hurt my back but this would not help the situation any so I just ignored them.

"But surly Cinna will have it ready by now?" I felt like shouting at Johanna to just shut up but I know she didn't know I had another reason for the trip.

"I want him to show me some things; I have never been to the beach before. I don't want to get it wrong." This was also true and a lot better than saying I want to make sure they are as sexy as could possibly be so I can seduce my husband back in love with me.

"Really, I love the beach. I go any chance I get; Finnick here is a great host. Are you home this week Finnick?" finally attention is off me and I can relax some. I'm so tired I could sleep for a year. I vaguely hear Finnick confirm he would be home this week and after several obvious hints from Johanna to ask her to come visit him this week too.

"You don't mind do you Kat? We can have some fun and it won't interfere with your private time." I shake my head and smile letting her know I don't mind one bit. I do like Johanna and maybe she can help me too. She appears to think herself a bit of an expert when it comes to men.

-0-

I am so happy I went to see Cinna before we left; he had my previous complaint about the sexy outfits to heart and had me packed like a good, pure little housewife. Johanna actually laughed at some of them. Which in its self, helped Cinna change some of the outfits before I even asked for sexier attire. My new honeymoon collection was set to turn heads even if it was just one person I wanted looking at me.

We set off for Four that evening on the usual slow train so we would be sleeping on board. After a lively dinner with Finnick and Johanna we couldn't avoid going to bed. I was secretly dreading this, I hadn't been alone with Peeta since this morning and had no idea how he would act when we were alone.

As anticipated, Peeta dropped my hand as soon as the door was closed behind us. I didn't want to cry in front of him anymore, I didn't know a lot about being sexy but I was sure a dripping nose was a big turn off. I sigh and head for the shower room. I had showered just before we got on the train, in fact my braid was still damp but I needed time to pull myself together.

When I emerged from my hiding place rapped only in a towel I am rewarded when Peeta can't help but look a little uncomfortable. So when I take out the barely there nighty Cinna added after my request for lacy I could literally see his jaw drop. It was white lace, only the way it was made it was completely see through except for a couple of statically placed flowers. It only slightly covered the cheeks of my bottom so I put on some undies too. I am not sure if it was designed for this but I felt too on show without them.

Peeta hadn't taken his eyes off me and I could feel him strain to see through the little flowers but as if someone flipped a switch as soon as we made eye contact his beautiful blues turned back to ice.

"Can we talk?" I wasn't sure he heard my request he was taking so long to answer but when he did I wished I hadn't heard the cold tint to his voice.

"Not tonight, I have had enough for one day," with that he rolled over and drew the covers up to his shoulders. I crawled in to bed beside him, not allowing myself to touch off Peeta. Yes, I wanted him to be mine again but this rejection stung and I would not come across as pathetic. I soon fell asleep but a peaceful slumber would allude me.

I can't remember what was so awful about this dream or what horror had me screaming out for Peeta but I know when I woke I could feel his big strong arms around me and the heat of his chest on my cheek, his chin resting on my head like it had so many other nights. I don't know why I woke up crying but I do know why I am crying now. I have lost Peeta, this perfect man loved me and somehow I have lost it. As I struggle to control my sobs I feel Peeta hold me tighter and lay a soft kiss on my hair.

He kissed me! No I haven't lost him, not yet. "I love you Peeta" he didn't answer and I hadn't expected him too I just needed to tell him. I soon fell back asleep.


	22. unraveling

**I'm so sorry the delay was so long but I am committed to finishing this fic and thank you for sticking with me for so long and please review it talky helps me get back in the mood. Once again thank you to my beta for all the wonderful suggestions.**

 **P** **eeta** **'s** **pov**

I don't mean to be so hurtful but I have to let go of Katniss's hand as soon as we enter our cabin. I can try to convince myself that I feel nothing for her anymore, that she betrayed me but my body reacts to every touch of her skin, I tingle every time her woody sweet scent makes its way over to me but hardest off all is trying to convince myself that every kiss is fake and every longing look she gives me is false. No I don't mean to be hurtful but I am only barely holding on by a tread and if I have to cause offence to get some space then so be it, it is nothing compared to the agonising grief I feel every minute of every day due to her unfaithfulness.

So I am even more relieved when I see Katniss has decided to take a shower. I try to use the time to clear my head of all things Katniss. As I change and ready myself for bed I try to focus on what tomorrow will bring. Finnick said there is so much to do at the beach. He was explaining windsurfing to me earlier, it sounds exhilarating.

As I climb into bed I wonder what will happen tonight, our bed is large enough and we slept platonically together on the train so many times before but this is different before I was hopelessly yet unrequited, in love with Katniss. Now I am hopelessly heartbroken and in love with Katniss.

As the door opens I look up automatically and instantly my look betrays me. I can't help it, Katniss is wrapped only in a small towel with still some sparkling droplets of water remaining on her skin. I try to think about the windsurfing again but it's not working my cock is straining to salute her. As if my mind wasn't already imaging what was under that towel Katniss turns her back to me and it drops to the floor.

It seems hard to believe but this is the first time I have seen Katniss naked. I am so focused on her perfectly peached ass that I didn't see the nighty Katniss was removing from her bag and lifting over her head but god I could see it now. It was hardly even there and if she didn't put on the underwear I would be able to see everything as it didn't even reach her thigh. I know my mouth is gaping open as she turns around however I have lost the ability to close it. My stare lingers too long on the flowers that are straining to cover her breasts nevertheless when I see the same desire in her eyes as I am feeling I almost give in and take her in my arms but then I wonder is that how she looks at Gale. I finally close my mouth in case the lump in my throat escapes as the full betrayal of her actions hits me afresh.

"Can we talk?" her voice is small and unsure, completely the contrast of the confident lace clad figure in front of me. It's funny it's just like the Katniss I thought she was and the one she is. The sexually unsure, pure girl I grew up admiring from afar yet on the other hand in reality she was manipulating me to keep herself and family safe while doing Gale when my back was turned.

"Not tonight, I have had enough for one day," I wince at my own tone, I am so angry but I know I should conceal it better. As I see her approach the bed I pull the covers up and roll over to hide my erection, once more my body has not caught up to my mind.

I hear Katniss's breathing even out before long and I know she is asleep. My cock on the other hand was still very much awake. If I wasn't thinking about her lying beside me in that white number or the perfect curve of her ass tonight it was the way her breasts looked this morning in her wedding underwear. Errr…. I will never get to sleep at this rate.

So I revert back to the technique I used when I was younger and struggled to control myself. I recite the ingredients for bread over and over. Plain wholemeal flour, 1 level teaspoon salt, level teaspoon sugar, 1 level spoon soft tub margarine, 1 sachet easy blend dried yeast, 150 ml warm water, Plain wholemeal flour, 1 level teaspoon salt, level teaspoon sugar, 1 level spoon soft tub margarine, 1 sachet easy blend dried yeast, 150 ml warm water.

It was finally starting to work when I feel Katniss wriggle next to me; just as I thought all my hard work to control myself was going to be undone by the friction of her movements the blood rushes back to my brain. She is having a nightmare. "Peeta…. Peeta…. Noooooooo….. Peeta" before long she was screaming, she was screaming my name. I didn't even hesitate for a second, scooping her up in my arms and clasping her tight was the only thing that had felt right since she walked up the aisle.

I know Katniss has woken up if only from being so used to the sensation. Normally she would have stopped crying by now yet I can still feel her sobs on my chest. Holding her close like this feels so good I forget myself for a moment and lay a gentle kiss on her hair.

"I love you Peeta" her tone is so honest it takes me off guard. I don't respond, I can't, at least I don't respond until I am one hundred percent sure she is asleep again. Then and only then I let the words escape my lips. "I love you too, I love you so much its killing me."

-0-

 **Snow** **'s** **POV**

I meet the eyes of the councillor across my desk. Total idiot that he is he doesn't have the sense to meet my gaze. His failures might be excusable but his utter lack of gumption is not. I can't abide his type, all ambition but no back bone. I can't even remember commissioning him to this position however he won't be hard to replace.

"Leave now, we are done." As I speak I can smell the odour on my breath, I'll have to drink that stupid remedy again. It doesn't seem to be lasting as long anymore. The disappointment of a man stands up and walks out of my office. I press down on the intercom to my assistant Tia. "Have the Councillor taken care off. He is no longer of any use to anybody."

Closing the current file in front of me I open the next one. Rebellion, Thirteen have been seen flying hovercrafts again. I would love to wipe the smug lot off the face of this earth. A mistake I believe my predecessors made in not doing so before my time. Not a lot I can do about it now however I am concerned about support rising for them if they are discovered.

However the majority of Capitol citizens are too absorbed by the propaganda I spread to even consider rebellion, so absorbed in the parties and the celebrities of every sort. It worries me some that if the superstars of the capitol spoke out against the regime it may be possible for it to crumble. The music and movie icons I can censor easily enough, none would ever get a contract deal or even listened to without being vetted first.

It's the victors that bother me the most. Even if I did control the reaping it is impossible to understand the district people enough to choose one who would react the way you need them too. Also even manipulating the games as much as we can to ensure the victors come from one or two, you still cannot account for human error.

I have been known to take a firm hand in handling the victors but this is only because I can see how dangerous to our way of life they are. The capitol citizens' worship them more than any other icons, if the right victor wanted a rebellion all they would have to do is ask.

That brings me to my next file Selma Stewart. She is not well liked however that means she is not making me money either. If I can't capitalize on the victor what use are they to me. She won't go home afraid of the reaction her family and friends will have over her killing her sister to win. So I am stuck with her in the Capitol, I need to make her endearing to the public somehow.

I press the intercom again. "Tia I need a makeover for Selma, I don't mean to just change her hair but get her a personality coach of sorts then in two weeks get her an interview with Caesar. I need her crying and remorseful. I also need her to look young and sweet. I know some capital men who like them young. The younger you make her look the better."

"I'll get it done sir." Tia's voice comes back at me. Now Tia has proven herself to me time and time again. Her help with separating the star crossed lovers was crucial. It didn't go to plan as I hoped but she did her job well nonetheless.

I would have made a fortune selling Miss Everdeen off on what should have been her wedding night, if only Peeta had publicly broken off the wedding. It was win win for me, revenue for selling tickets to the wedding as well as televised viewing being charged for as well as the income for the pleasure of both victors. Well there is always plan B but plan B hasn't taken off yet either.

So naive the young victors are to think I would respect the privacy of their rooms. I know that they have not consummated the wedding and are just putting on a show for cameras. I am sure they will eventually, you only have to look at them for a second to know they are in love and then I'll have my tape to sell on.

I do worry about the duo; they are both the type of victor that is very dangerous. If they called for rebellion I have no doubt half the capitol and almost all the districts including thirteen would join them. I feel a lesson needs to be learnt sooner rather than later, that I will not tolerate being made a fool of by them lying to me.

"Tia one more thing, I need to arrange an accident in District Twelve."

-0-

 **Peeta pov**

I was still cradling Katniss when I woke up, she was still deeply asleep so I gently slid my arm out from under her and went to soak my weary mind in the shower for a while. It's exhausting both hating someone and being incurably in love with them at the same time. I must have taken a long time trying to rejuvenate myself because when I left the bathroom Katniss is already up and gone.

I dress casual enough as we are going to spend the day on the beach and as I am packing my stuff in my bag I catch a glimpse of some white lace out the top of Katniss's bag that's next to mine. Memories of just how amazing she looked last night hit me like an assault. To control myself I pull the image of her passionately kissing Gale to the foreground of my mind and promise myself once we get back to Twelve I was going to give him a beating. I am sure it wouldn't be one sided, he would give as good as he got or maybe Gale would even win but I don't care all I want is the satisfaction of boxing him square on the jaw just once. The smug little prick that he is deserves nothing less.

Just outside the dining cart I pause early enough to here Finnick and Katniss talking. Finnick is questioning her. "So was that screams of joy I heard last night or are you having nightmares?"

"Oh god you could hear me?" Finnick must respond visually because Katniss continues without any answer I can hear. "It was a nightmare." She sounds embarrassed at being quizzed about them, I don't know why I expect most victors have them.

"Are you coping with them alright?" I wish I could see her face because to be honest sometimes her nightmares scare me too. It's not that I don't get some but hers take it to a whole other level sometimes. "I only ask because… has Peeta told you about Annie?"

"No who's Annie?"

"She is my… well my girlfriend I suppose but that feels childish and not very committal of me. I do love her so much. I helped to mentor her in her games but it was after the games things took a turn for the worse. It started with some nightmares. I didn't think too much of it as I don't know a single victor who doesn't get nightmares but hers were different, more violent. She couldn't handle them so she stopped sleeping it was so far gone it was nearly too late when we finally got help. Anyway it affected her and she hasn't really recovered totally." I hear Finnick take a deep breath. "I just want you to survive and if you need help I am here."

"I am not too bad; normally when I am with Peeta I don't get them much. He keeps them away." Katniss tone sounds soft when she replies.

"Well that's sounds like a plan then." I am about to proceed to enter the cart when Finnick questions her again. "What did you do without Peeta for two weeks?"

"I had a strategy to keep them at bay but it didn't work very well. Most of my dreams are about something happening to Prim, her getting hurt or killed one way or another. The idea was if I woke to find Prim beside me I would calm back down quickly, I even moved into Prim's room with her the night Peeta left in anticipation." I feel the blood leave my face and I am sure if I had a mirror I would be pale, if Katniss slept with Prim every night she wasn't with Gale.

"But it didn't work?" Finnick pushes for more and I know I should go in but I need to hear what she will say.

"No but I have another coping mechanism besides Peeta." I hear a smile in her voice.

"Do tell" Finnick sounds teasing too.

"I have more than one man in my life, you know?" Ha I can't believe I was almost sucked in again I am sure she coped just fine with Gale and now she is going to tell Finnick about it too.

"You do?"

"When I haven't got Peeta to scare off the bad dreams I go see Haymitch. It's not as effective, I still have them but when I am drunk I don't wake up screaming. It gave poor Prim a night off stressing about her broken sister even the hangover is worth seeing her face all happy because she thought she had helped me through the night." At her words I am rooted to the ground, I don't know how to react; I don't know how I should be feeling.

"Are you going to go inside blondie or just stand here all day?" its Johanna coming down the carriage behind me. I steady myself with a deep breath and follow her into the cart to join the others.


	23. honeymoon

**I can't apologies enough but real life keeps getting in the way and I really lost my Everlark mojo for a while so I re read all the books, did a movie marathon and this is what I came up with. I feel the end is close but I just can't get over the line.**

 **Katniss pov**

This is heaven!

I honestly don't think I have ever been this relaxed in my life. The beach is everything Finnick had talked it up to be and more. It stretches out endlessly in both directions, a vison of fine golden sand perfection. Our accommodation is barely more than a beach shack but it is so calm and hot it fits the setting and our needs perfectly.

Finnick of course is staying in the district four Victor Village but Joanna has opted to stay in her own shack on the beach with us. Her quarters are however located a healthy distance from ours, this lead to her making vaguely funny comments to us about thin walls and wanting to get some sleep. My blank stare and confusion in reaction at her only highlighted to myself and Peeta the utter state of our so called marriage.

Peeta himself has been extra distant today; not only as in emotionally distant but also that he is not even trying to put a show on for the cameras. His face reminds me of how he looks when he has tried a new recipe and it has gone wrong, Peeta agonises over how to get it right the next time. Well that's how he looks now, dazed and not on the same planet as the rest of us which is a real shame because I don't think I will ever forget the scenery around me at this moment and I know how Peeta would just love to paint it someday.

I know it sounds selfish but I have put all my worries in a mental box and shoved it under the bed in a dark isolated corner of my mind. I am going to relax and enjoy this honeymoon with or without my husband's cooperation. It's because of this change of mind set that I find myself now half asleep on a sun lounger baking in the hot sun in a skimpy white two piece, curtsey of Cinna, while on my third fruity cocktail of the afternoon.

Peeta is playing some ball game involving a net with Finnick and some other local boys and I have to say the view isn't too bad from where Joanna and I are sitting. The hot sun and exertion has led to most of the men being shirtless while a fine gleam of perspiration coats their skin. Peetas light blonde hair that is scattered across his chest is now darker from the moisture, making it easier for me to follow it as it descends down his well-toned body and eventually disappearing into his tan three quarter length cargo shorts.

A blush rises up my neck as I picture myself following it with my mouth. Joanna is quick to notice and being Jo she has to say something. "Easy there tiger, think cooling thoughts before your head explodes."

In my fruity drink bliss all I can manage is to poke my tongue at her. With that we burst in to a giggle as she smacks me over my childishness. I am so distracted I didn't see Finnick approach us until he reaches down and steals my drink. "Hay, that's mine!" I struggle to get out between laughs.

"Well I need it more than you, I'm hot from playing and by the sound of it I think you need a virgin next."

I freeze and just as quickly as the blush rose up before I can feel the colour drain from me now. "What do you mean a virgin? I am not a VIRGIN." My voice has risen so high I almost sound like Effie. Finnick is looking at me weirdly, oh god I bet he can tell I am a virgin from my comment. Why did I react? I thought alcohol made your reaction times slower. Finnick still hasn't said anything else but I think what feels like an eternity of awkward silence for me is in reality a few seconds for the rest of them. I need Peeta now!

In my panic I jump up quickly and make my way pass Finnick to where Peeta is talking to a local man very enthusiastically about the game that had just finished. I know I am being rude when I take his hand without even excusing us and drag him into the water with me but I need to talk to him now.

"Katniss? What the hell? I was in the middle of a sente…" I cut him off with a kiss and not just a peck I throw myself at him. It's like kissing a statue, I can feel no emotion coming from Peeta his lips move slightly with mine but only enough so it doesn't look like he is rejecting me, his hands stay by his sides. This is not what I need from him so I push my whole body tight to him, I spear my fingers into his curls pulling his face closer to me and still my husband feels cold as stone in my arms so I give up.

"What is wrong with you Katniss?" the cold mono tone of Peetas voice is enough to ruin my day. My perfect day is crumbling away because of my fear of one word. _Virgin._

"We need to have sex." If Finnick can tell with one glance that I am still a virgin then even if it is with this new cold imitation of Peeta it has to be done. If Snow knows we are being deceitful both our lives and our families will be in danger. "I need you to have sex with me" I say sex not make love because I know with this unkind imposter playing the part of the man I love that is all it will be. A wave of grieve for my boy with the bread washes over me.

"Why?" The disgusted look on his face at my declaration is enough for me to know he is going to say no. Peeta had once claimed that he had loved me since I was a small child, I took it for granted then and now I would give anything for him to even like me.

"Finnick can tell…um….you know?" I make a hand gesturer going from him to me. Hoping I won't have to say the offending words _I am a virgin_ out load.

"Tell what?" he honestly looks confused.

For some reason his confusion triggers anger inside me, it's not as if he doesn't know. In fact he is the only one who should know being that we haven't slept together. In the end I snarl at him. "That I am a virgin"

 **Peeta PoV**

"Tell what?" I have just about had enough of this. I have no idea what has just gone on between Katniss and Finnick. How much has she had to drink? Every one of her actions in the last ten minutes has made little or no sense to me and now I can see a fury building up in her. All I wanted was some time to get my head straight before we had to go back to twelve and play happy families. Now the woman I love but it's so unrequited is nearly funny even to me, is throwing herself at me looking for sex.

Okay so I know now she never stayed with Gale in her bed but what about the woods, the shag heap all the other places they are alone together. The image of that kiss is still seared deep into my brain, I won't be her backup guy it's all or nothing for me.

"That I am a virgin." Her voice is so distorted with her anger that I almost missed what she is saying. A VIRGIN! My mouth is gapping like a fish. I lost, confused more than I ever have been in my life. I know she is telling the truth, Katniss is a terrible liar.

I am suddenly dizzy and I don't think it's from the heat. Not able to put my head between my legs as we are up to our waists in the ocean I settle for holding my head in the hands as I try to strengthen out my thoughts. Alongside the image of Katniss going to Gale and kissing him passionately is other memories of the recording of Gales tanned ass peeking out between his pants and shirt is a regular pulsing movement resulting in Katniss moaning his name from her hidden position between his large frame and the wall.

The girl in that film was not a virgin.

But was it Katniss? Did I actually see her?

"Gale, did you have sex with Gale?" it comes out slowly and part muffled by my hands but I need answers.

"WHAT? No never, Peeta. I. love. you." The raw hurt and honestly in her voice floors me, but that is only one part of the agony I have been going through gone. Now that I have started I need all her betrayals answered for.

"But you have been kissing him? Do you love him too?" I am now standing straight looking into her grey pools searching for the slightest hint of dishonestly in her answers.

"Not like I love you." I believe her but she only half answered my questions and I better hurry because I can see her getting ready to close down on me, her anger and the horror at being asked such questions will eventually make her run. That's her coping mechanism after all, run and hide. I take her hands in mine before I continue.

"How far gone is the relationship between you?" the dry calm of my voice is in complete contrast to the all-consuming jealousy I feel inside.

"What fucking relationship? He is my friend, yes I love him but I am not in love with him. I love you, I want you, I need you. The real you not this imposter the capitol left in your place." I was right to take her hands, she is ready to bolt and it's taking most of my strength to keep her here. I am angry when I speak again.

"I have seen you Katniss. I have watched you both. My heart was ripped from my chest the moment I witnessed you walk up to him and give yourself to him. Gale fucking Hawthorne had his hands all over my girl and you just let him. I watched you talk about a future together and how you would never have my baby. I witnessed him leading you by the hand and I heard you moan out his name in pleasure." I can't help the sob in my voice and the escapee tear that ran down my cheek.

"No Peeta never, my future is with you. Yes I kissed Gale but that was before the reaping before we were real. It means nothing to me now, it wasn't right, not like how you used to kiss me and that's as far as it ever got with Gale. Yes he holds my hand but like a protective big brother and yes I talked about babies with him but they were your babies and I can assure you the only name I have ever called in pleasure is yours Peeta." The words fall from her so fast she is left breathless. I know it is all true.

It hits me so hard I imagine I know what one of the collapsing buildings from the arena would have felt like. Katniss was never untrue to me. I was duped. The file was meant for me, Snow wanted me to believe her unfaithful. I am light headed again, what type of an idiot would trust anything they found in the capitol? Peeta Mellark that's who. The tug on my hand is sharp enough to bring my thoughts back to the present.

"Katniss please don't run from me, I need to think." I release one of her hands and place my now free hand on her cheek. God I love her. Will she ever forgive me?

 **Katniss pov**

I was so scared to confront Peeta about his abrupt change in the feelings he has for me because I was so sure that he had finally realised how plain and broken I am. On some rational level of my subconscious I had feared Snow had gotten to Peeta but I had never dreamt it was this bad. Peeta believes I have been playing him the whole time that I have been carrying on with Gale behind his back and worse of all that I don't love him.

My world has been flipped upside down in an instant. The only think stopping me from running is the tender way Peeta's hand is caressing my cheek. The heat from his touch is different from the scorching heat of the sun but it's the fact that the heat that has been absent in his touch of late is now present that is keeping me here.

His other hand reaches up to cup my other cheek and I look up to see my favourite sight, warm blue loving eyes looking all the way into my soul. This is not the cold shell of a man that was made in the Capitol. In front of me now is my boy with the bread.

I am not sure what Peeta sees in my eyes but it must have been want as that is the main emotion running through me right now. I want my Peeta, I need my Peeta. He moves slowly as if he is testing if this is what I want or maybe if it is what he wants but when his lips touch me there can be no doubt in either of us that this is right.

Peetas lips move urgently parting my lips and sliding his tongue in to meet mine. His hands don't stay on my face for long, roaming over my back and sides then occasionally squeezing my arse under the water. This time when I spear my fingers into Peeta's hair and press my body close to him, he not only responds but moans out in pleasure.

There is not a single bit of space between us but yet I want to be closer to him, as I push my body even tighter into him and I can feel his need for me too. Breathless we break apart and with one look from my hot as hell husband, he lifts me over his shoulder and carries me right pass our hollering friends and into our hut.


	24. oh it is going to fit

**Okay going to put a warning before this chapter this is the reason my story has an M rating. It's all smut. If you prefer not to read that sort of thing feel free to skip, it has no story line value what so ever.**

 **Also as I have said before this is my first fic (but I am working on a song of ice and fire one but will not publish it till I complete this one) so be nice I'm a smut virgin!**

 **Katniss POV**

My breath catches as I am flung off Peeta's shoulder and onto the large soft bed. I look up just in time to see him pounce on me, devouring my lips instantly. Kissing me as we both let out all the pent up emotions before leaving my lips to attend to other areas. It's such a strange sensation feeling how much he wants this, yet he is content to take his time on me, lavishing my neck and collar bone in sweet hot kisses. One capable hand is kneeing my breast gently as his other hand cups my ass and lifts it till it's aligned with his hard member, grinding into me slowly.

I whimper at the attention, unfamiliar to my unused body but god it feels so good. My hips seem to know what to do on instinct because they are keeping up a healthy rhythm and I am rewarded with a growl from Peeta.

Peeta removes his hands and leans back slightly, when I open my eyes I am met with deep blue hooded eyes. Eyes that seem to ask for consent to continue. Unable to speak for fear of ruining this I wrap my legs around his back, my hands in the curls at his nape and pull him back to me as hard as I can and capture his lips once more.

Peeta hands are behind me now fiddling to undo the skimpy white bikini top. We have never gone this far before and I can honestly say I will not be stopping him this time. In fact I slide my hands out of his hair, slowly down his muscular back and inside his shorts to squeeze his bare ass pushing myself even harder against his cock.

"Fuck Kat, I want you so bad." It's a growl in my ear and Peeta finishes it by sucking in my ear lobe and slightly biting it too. His words send a fresh wave of heat to my sex and a tight sensation in my chest.

"Then Take Me." My voice is more than husky and I am grateful for the alcohol I consumed earlier making me braver than I would have normally been in this situation.

"Slowly, my love, I have waited years for this moment. I intend to take as long as I am capable off." Peeta's words stir my insides some more but I am scared I will not be able to wait that long before I burst.

His lips don't return to my lips but instead go south, driving me mad with pleasure as he sucks, and nips and kisses his way down my neck. Softly his hand takes my breast as his tongue explores my nipple before taking it completely in his hot mouth and sucking generously. Not to neglect the other side his thumb moves back and forth over my hard nipple, every stroke feeling magnificent and adding to the tightening of my insides.

I did not think anything could be better than this till Peeta's hand leaves my breast and slides between our grinding bodies, into the bikini bottoms. My breathing hitches at the new contact. Peeta stops, but raises an eyebrow in question as if to say "can I continue." Biting my lip, I give him a quick nod and his face relaxes again.

Returning to our kissing, Peeta doesn't move his hand again and the anticipation is killing me now. I give a slight nudge with my hips and instantly his hand moved right between my legs. As he slides it back towards the front, a single finger parts my lower lips to release how wet I truly am for him. Peeta moans as he dips his finger a little deeper then uses the moisture to wet the little ball of nerves before he torments it with small rubbing movements. The sheer pleasure is like nothing I have felt before and I find myself breaking our kiss to throw my hands in my hair as I arch my back off the bed.

On some level I am aware that Peeta has taken off the bikini bottoms and I am completely naked underneath him, while he still wears his shorts. Lost in utter ecstasy I have no idea when Peeta moved but when I feel the hot breath on my wet sex it is too late to protest. His mouth is on me, devouring me like a starving man who finally has been given a meal.

When Peeta slides one finger inside my saturated passage I hold my breath but when he adds another finger inside me and begins to curl them I moan loudly.

It's too much. I obviously have lost complete control over my actions as I have no idea when my hands left my hair and entered his perfect curls or what noises I have been making as the tight knot inside me is so violently released that Peeta puts a hand on my stomach to press my arching body back down on the mattress.

As I drift back to reality, my body slack, from the aftermath of my orgasm, I open my eyes to see a very pleased looking Peeta. "Better than every dream I have ever had about doing that to you."

"I never knew you could do that to a person." I feel a blush creep over me as I make my embarrassing confession but I don't suppose you can tell as I am sure I am flush already.

"Don't worry baby, I am not done with you yet, I have yeas of dreams to make reality." Peeta sounding so husky then leans in to kiss me some more but its different now, he tastes of me and even though my mind is saying gross my body tightens again and I find I like it so I deepen the kiss.

"I want _you_ now." I say as I stoke up the stiff front of his shorts till I reach the buttons and open them deftly. I don't need to go any further as Peeta stands up instantly and removes everything in one swift movement. Now standing naked in front of me, I bite my lip as I take in Peeta in his full glory, and by god he is glorious. Finally I can stop imagining where that trail of hair disappeared to and gaze at his huge cock standing to attention in front of me. A thought suddenly crosses my mind and I get a little nervous.

"What's wrong?" Peeta is instantly in front of me looking desperate.

"What if it doesn't fit?" I feel stupid for saying it out loud but it's so big and Peeta will know if I lie to him.

"Oh it's going to fit", Peeta smiles his cocky, sexy smile at me and captures my lips once more and pushes me back on the bed. His hand returns to the ball of nerves, that is, my clit and as I relax again and the heat starts to build I feel him pressing gently at my entrance. His hand cups my cheek as he pulls back to look me in the eye as he slowly pushes inside.

It's tight but I can already feel myself relax around him and as I do Peeta gives another thrust to claim another inch inside of me. Slowly he continues to push further inside me until I feel a sharp stinging pain. Peeta stills when the pain reflects in my eyes, lowers to kiss me again to give me time to relax. Then he resumes pushing till he is fully sheathed inside me.

Looking into my eyes for any sign of discomfort Peeta starts to move slowly at first. I can feel the heat build inside me once more as Peeta continues his unhurried pace. I never imagined anything feeling this good until Peeta picks up speed and his trust are harder as well as faster. I cry out a "yes" although I don't know what question I am answering.

This spurs Peeta on and he goes faster yet again until I feel the tight coil that are my insides release with so much force I let out a loud cry of untenable noise. My tight cunt squeeze impossibly tighter around Peeta as a quiver over takes my whole body.

"Yes Katniss yes!" it's only a husky growl in my ear. Peeta is no way near as loud as I was but the look in his eyes as he pulls out completely and sprays himself all over my stomach, before collapsing on top of me.

Both of us are out of breath, both of us are blissfully happy.


End file.
